Good old friend Ms.Grief

It’s been a while since my good old friend Ms. Grief paid me a visit and she came knocking today. 

As always the eluding presence, the whisper of a doubt of whether she is real and here?! 

                with me, for me…!? 

The feather light footsteps of an enormous monstrosity. 

The angel of truth. 

The deliverance of a shadow. 

The revelation of a unique truth. 

The mountainous peak that shows you the whole panaroma of perspectives. 

Of the ugliness of gratitude. 

The diabolical nature of self preservation. 

Why them, why me, why not me, how, if only, could it would it should it, oh how unfair, oh atleast… 

                     that atleast and it’s cruelty! 

The shattered echoes of the idea of “resting in peace”! 

The tyranny and the relief of silence answering every inner doubt and turmoil. 

Oh sweet old friend Ms. Grief. 

What would I give to be through you… 

I have hardly gotten to the end of you for that which is 24 short years past and you bring me the next, with a fresh bouquet of funeral flowers in your dainty morbid hands! 

I only wish you are easier on those I love and that love me when you carry the message of which I am the subject! Ha ha ha! That is your ultimate satire. The subject of your messages are oft forgotten and replaced with the sufferings of self because of your subject’s imminent passing. 

Oh sweet old friend, wash my self with your fragrant perfume. The putridity of the decay of the bigness of i me and myself. And pour the immensity of this universe on the pointless point of me. While you inform me and torment me of the passing of this point of connection in my life, the string lays broken, healing  through the repetition of regrets like a chant of prayer… it heals the broken end into a scab I could always touch. Always there to remind me that you have visited me… and the distance of time from the message slowly inflating my sense of self - only to deflate it all with the prick of your tipless finger as it gouges another hole.

Oh sweet old friend Ms. Grief! Do I dare to wish it wasn’t you knocking on my door, it wasn’t for this particular subject, it wasn’t for…

Open parenting

 "அம்மா... அம்மா..."! 

அழைக்கும் மழலையின் ஓசை ஒரு மெல்லிய புன்னகையும் அலுப்பையும் கலந்தளித்ததது எனக்கு.

நான்: "இங்க இருக்கேன் டா குட்டி நாய், அம்மா அப்பா டொய்லெட்லே" என்று பதில் கூறினேன்.

"டுர்ர்ர்..." என்று தனது பொம்மை வண்டியை ஓட்டிக்கொண்டே வந்து - தாள் போடும் வசதியில்லாத, இந்த ஊரில் பொதுவாகவே இப்படி தாழ்போட இயலாது அமைந்திருக்கும் - கழிவறையின் ஸ்லைடிங் டோரை திறந்து எட்டிப்பார்த்தான் என் மகன்.

மகன்: "வாட் ஆர் யு டூயிங்?" (என்னம்மா பண்ற) என கேட்டான். 

எப்போதும் போல அவன் ஆங்கலத்தில் பேச நான் தமிழில் பதிலளிக்க எங்கள் உரையாடல் தொடர்ந்தது.

நான்: "ப்லேன் ஓடிட்ருக்கேன்" என்று வேடிக்கையாக பதிலளித்தேன். 

அதற்கு தனது அழகிய கருவிழிகளை சுருக்கி மிகவும் சீரியஸ் ஆக பிஞ்சுக் கைகளை அசைத்து 

மகன்: "நோ யு ஆர் நாட், யு ஆர் டூயிங்  பூஃ  பூஃ" (இல்ல நீ ஆய் போற) என விவரித்தான். 

நான்: "தெரியுதுல்ல அப்பறம் என்ன கேள்வி இது" என்று நான் சிரித்ததும் அம்மா தன்னுடன் விளையாடுகிறாள் என்று புரிந்து கொண்டு தான் வந்த காரணத்தை கருத்தாய் விவரிக்க தொடங்கினான்.   

இப்பொது அவன் 3 வயது இளம் கற்பனையில் அந்த பொம்மை வண்டி என்ன வடிவெடுத்து, அவன் சூப்பர் ஹீரோவாக எல்லோரையும் காப்பாற்றுவதற்கு எப்படி உதவிக்கொண்டிருக்கிறது என்று ஒரு கதையை பகிர்ந்து கொண்டிருந்தான். 

பொறுமையாக கேட்டுவிட்டு சரியான இடங்களில் இடையிடையே "ஓ வாவ்" என்றெல்லாம் அவனை பார்த்து கூறி, அவன் நான்சொல்வதைக் கேட்பதற்கு தயாராகும் நிலைக்கு கொண்டு வந்தேன்.

நான்: "அம்மா பூஃ  பூஃ முடிச்சுட்டு வந்து விளையாடறேன், நீ கதவை அடிச்சிட்டு வெளியே உக்காந்துக்கோ" என்று கூறிக்கொண்டே என் கைக்கருகில் இருக்கும் கப்போர்டு கதவை திறக்க ஆரம்பித்தேன்.  அதை கண்டதும்...

மகன்: "வாட் ஆர் யு டூயிங்" (என்னம்மா பண்ற) என மறுபடியும் கேள்விகள் தொடங்கின.

நான்: "அம்மாவுக்கு "பீரியட்" (மாதவிடாய்)  வந்துடுச்சுடாமா அதான் டாம்போன் எடுக்குறேன்" எனக்கூறியதும் அவன் தனக்குப்புரிந்ததை எப்போதும் போல ஒருமுறை என்னிடம் விவரித்தான்... 

மகன் : "ஓ  யு காட் பீரியட்?" (ஓ உனக்கு பீரியட் வந்துவிட்டதா?)

நான்: ஆமாம்டாமா.  

மகன் : "யூ ஹாவ் பிளட் கமிங் அவுட் ?" (உனக்கு இரத்தம் வருதா?)

நான்: ஆமாம்டாமா 

மகன் : "இஸ் யுவர் வீஸ் கோயிங் டு பீ ஆல் பிளட்" (அப்போ உனக்கு உச்சாவெல்லாம் இரத்தமமாய் போகுதா?)

நான்: இல்லடா மா, "டூ யு ரிமெம்பெர்?" (உனக்கு ஞாபகம் இருக்கா?), நான் என்ன சொல்லிக்குடுத்தேன்? 

கிர்ல்ஸ்க்கு (பெண்களுக்கு) 3 ஹோல்ஸ் (துவாரம்/திறப்பு/ஓட்டை) இருக்கும் 

முன்னால் "வீஸ் ஹோல்"  (ஒன்று சிறுநீருக்கு) , நடுவில் உள்ளே "பேபி ஹோல்" (குழந்தைக்கு) , பின்னால் ஒரு "பூஃ பூஃ" ஹோல் (மலத்திற்கு)

மகன்: பாய்ஸ் ஒன்லி ஹாவ் 2 ஹோல்ஸ்? (ஆண் பிள்ளைகளுக்கு 2 தான் இருக்குமா?)

நான்: "கரெக்ட், யூசுவலி, பாய்ஸ்க்கு 2 ஹோல்ஸ் தான் இருக்கும்.  "1 பார் வீஸ், 1 பார் பூஃ" 

(பொதுவாக ஆண்களுக்கு 2 தான் இருக்கும், ஒன்று சிறுநீரிற்கு, ஒன்று மலத்த்திற்க்கு)

மகன்: "பாய்ஸ் டோன்ட் ஹாவ் பேபி ஹோல்?" (ஆண் பிள்ளைகளுக்கு குழ்நதைக்கென்று திறப்பு இல்லையா?)

நான்: யூசுவலி (பொதுவாக), அம்மா மாதிரி பெரிய பொண்ணுங்களுக்கு தான் வயித்துல பாப்பா வரும்.  அந்த பாப்பா வெளில வர்றதுக்கு ஹோல் (திறப்பு) வேணுமில்ல, அதான்.

இப்போ அம்மாவும் அப்பாவும் ஒரு பாப்பா செஞ்சிட்டோம், அதான் நீ.  எங்களுக்கு இன்னொரு பாப்பா பண்ண விருப்பம் இல்ல.  அதனால பாப்பா செய்வதற்கு தேவையான அம்மாவின் முட்டை, மாதத்திற்கு ஒருமுறை உடைந்து வெளியேறும்.  அது அந்த பேபி ஹோல் வழியா போயிடும். 

முடிஞ்சா அப்புறமா மம்மி டாடி இல்லாத ஒரு பாப்பாவை நம்ம கூட்டிட்டு வந்துக்கலாம்.

மகன்: "நாட் எ பேபி.  எல்டெர் பிரதர் ஆர் எல்டெர் சிஸ்டர், வி கேன் பிரிங்.  பேபீஸ் பூஃ பூஃ இன் தெயர் நாப்பி, இட் இஸ் ஸ்மெல்லி"

(பாப்பா கொண்டுவரவேண்டாம் , அண்ணாவோ அக்காவோ கொண்டுவருவோம். பாப்பான்னா அதன் ஜட்டியிலேயே உச்சா ஆய் எல்லாம் போகும்.  நாத்தமடிக்கும்)

என்று மூக்கை சுருக்கி விவரித்தான்.இன்னுமே இரவுகளில் சிறுநீருக்காக நாப்பி அணிந்துகொள்ளும் இந்தப் பிஞ்சு பாப்பாக்கள் நாப்பியில் ஆய் போகும் அதனால் வேண்டாம் என கூறுவது வேடிக்கையாக இருந்தது.  

மற்றும் மிக சிரிதிலிருந்தே முடிந்தால் இன்னொரு பிள்ளையை தத்தெடுப்போம் என்று கூறிவந்ததனால் அது அவனுக்கு இயல்பாக இருப்பது மகிழ்ச்சி அளித்தது.

நான்: கண்டிப்பா. இப்போ அம்மா  டாம்பொன் (பஞ்சு உருளை) வெச்சிட்டு வர்றேன். நீ போ.

என்று கூறி அவனை அனுப்பி வைத்தேன்.

அவன் அந்த கதவிற்கு அப்புறம் அமர்ந்து கொண்டு தன் விளையாட்டை தொடர்ந்தான்.

நான்: ஆ 

அவன்: "என்னம்மா ஆச்சு, எதற்கு ஆ வென்றாய்" (வாட் ஹாப்பேண்ட் அம்மா, வொய் டிட் யு மேக் தி 'ஆ' சவுண்ட்) என விவரமாய் கேட்டான்.

நான் எனது டாம்பொனை பொருத்திக்கொண்டிருக்கும்போது மெதுவாய் 'ஆ' வென்று சத்தமிட்டிருக்கிறேன் என்பது அவனது கேள்விகள் தொடரவே நான் உணர்ந்தேன்.

நான்: ஒண்ணுமில்லடாமா டாம்பொன் வைக்கும்போது ஒரு கிளாட் (கட்டியான இரத்தம்) வந்திருக்குனு நினைக்கிறேன் அதான் வலிச்சிருக்கு அம்மாக்கு.

அவன்: "கிளாட்? வாட் ஐஸ் தட்?" (அப்படினா?)

நான்: ரத்தம் சில நேரம் கட்டியாய் வரும். அது பேரு கிளாட். அது கொஞ்சம் வலிக்கும். இது அம்மாவுக்கு ரொம்ப நார்மல் (சாதாரணம்) டாமா என்று விவரித்தேன்.

அவன்: "ஓ! இட்ஸ் ஓகே அம்மா, ஐ ஆம் தேர் பார் யூ. யு வில் பி ஆல் ரைட் சூன்".

(ஓ! ஒண்ணுமில்லமா, நானிருக்கேன் உனக்கு. உனக்கு சீக்கிரம் செரி ஆயிடும்) 

நாங்கள் அவனுக்கு ஏதொன்று காயமோ வலியோ ஏற்பட்டால் என்ன கூறி சமாதானம் செய்வோமோ அதை அப்படியே எனக்கு கூறுகிறான் என்பது தெரிந்தாலும் அந்த பிஞ்சு வார்த்தைகள் மிகவும் இதமாய் இருந்தது.

நான்: தேங்க்ஸ்டாமா.

அவன்: "இட் லூக் லைக் ஜாம்" ஹா ஹா ஹா (ஜாம் போல இருக்கு) என்று எனது கையில் இருக்கும் டிஸ்ஸுவை கண்டுவிட்டு சிரித்தான்.

"விவரம் அறியா குழந்தைபருவம்" என்று நாம் கூறும் இந்த பருவத்தில் குழந்தைகள் எந்தவொரு சமூக வழி புகுத்தப்படும் அருவருப்போ பயமோ இன்றி முழுக்க முழுக்க ஒரு ஆர்வம் (கூறியோசிட்டி) மட்டுமே காட்டுகிறார்கள் என்பது நான் இவனுடன் இருக்கும் தருணங்களில் மிகவும் உணருகிறேன்.

நான்: ஹா ஹா ஹா ஜாம் போல இருக்கா பார்க்க உனக்கிது?!  செரி போய் விளையாடு அம்மா கை கழுவிட்டு இரண்டு நிமிஷத்தில் வந்திடுறேன்.

அவன்: ஓகே!

இங்கே என் சூழலிலுமே என் மகன் அவனது தொடக்கப்பள்ளியிலோ விளையாடும் இடங்களிலோ இதை எல்லாம் பேசிவிட கூடாது என்று புரிய வைத்திருக்கிறேன்.

நாங்கள் இப்படி வளர்க்கிறோம் என்பதற்க்காக எல்லோரும் இதை புரிந்து கொள்ளமாட்டார்கள் என்பதை அறிந்து தான் அவனிடம் அம்மா அப்பா மற்றும் அவன் மட்டுமே 'டாய்லெட் டாக்ஸ்' (அதாவது - குளிப்பது, மலம் கழிப்பது, வாயு பிரிதல், மாதவிடாய், உடல் உறுப்புகளை பற்றி பேசுவது, காட்டுவது, கழுவுவது என்பன) அல்லது டாய்லெட் விஷயங்களை பகிர்ந்து கொள்ளலாம் என்று அவன் இப்போது அறிவான். ஏனென்றால் எல்லோருக்கும் இது போன்ற விஷயங்களை பற்றி பேசுவதோ பகிர்வதோ பிடிக்காது என்று தெளிவு படுத்தியிருக்கிறேன்.

இதன் தொடர்பிலே 'குட் டச்', 'பேட் டச்' போன்றவையும் தெளிவு படுத்த வாய்ப்பு கிடைத்தது.

சிறு பெண்ணாய் இருக்கும் போதிலிருந்தே பெண் குழந்தையை பெற்றோ அல்லது தத்தெடுத்தோ அதற்கு எல்லா விஷயங்களையும் ஒளிவு மறைவின்றி சொல்லி கொடுக்க வேண்டும் என்று நினைத்திருந்தேன். 

நாளடைவில் பெண்களையும் விட ஆண்களுக்கு இவையெல்லாம் கற்றுக்கொடுப்பது மிக முக்கியம் என்று புரிந்தது.

வெளி நாட்டிலே வாழும் சூழ்நிலை ஏற்பட்டதில் இங்கே இருக்கும் குழந்தை வளர்ப்பு முறைகளில் சிலவும் இப்படி விவரமாய் கற்றுக்கொடுப்பது நன்று என கூறுகின்றன என படிக்க எல்லா இடங்களிலும் இருக்கும் நல்ல விஷயங்களை எடுத்து எங்களுக்கு தெரிந்த முறையில் வளர்க்க முடிவெடுத்ததோம்.

இதில் எனது கணவர் என்னுடன் வாழ்ந்த இத்தனை காலங்களில் (மற்றும் அடிப்படையாகவே தனது தாய் மற்றும் அக்காவிடம் பிரியமாகவும் அன்புடனும் வளர்திருந்ததால்) இந்த எண்ண போக்குகளுக்கு அடிவேர் போன்று உறுதுணையாக இருப்பது எனக்கு சாதகமான ஒரு மிக முக்கிய காரணம். 

இப்படி ஆண் பிள்ளைகள் வலி இரத்தம் பெண் உறுப்புகளின் பெயர்களும் பொருட்களும் அறிந்து வளர்ந்தால் நாளை பழகும் பெண்களின் ஆடைகளோ உடலோ அவர்களை ஆபாசமாய் பார்க்கச்செய்யாது என்பது உண்மை.

மாதா மாதம் வரும் பீரியட்டை (இரத்தப்போக்கை) பெயர் சொல்லி பேசுவது அல்லது டாம்போன் (பஞ்சு உருளை), பாடோ (பஞ்சு பட்டை), கப்போ (மாதவிடாய் கோப்பை) அல்லது எந்த பீரியட் சார்ந்த பொருட்களையும் கூச்சத்துடன் வாங்கி கருப்பு பிளாஸ்டிக் பையில் மறைத்து வீட்டு டாய்லெட் டில் கூட அடுத்தவர் கண்ணில் படாமல் உபயோகப்படுத்த வேண்டிய அவசியம் - இதெல்லாம் மாறவேண்டும் என்றால் நம் வீடுகளில் இருக்கும் ஆண்களும் பெண்களும் பெரியவர் முதல் சிறியவர் வரை இதை ஒரு சாதாரண நிகழ்வாயும் அதிலிருக்கும் வலியோ கஷ்டங்களோ என்ன என்று  பகிர்ந்து பேசினாலே தீரும்.

அனால் நம் வீட்டு பெரியவர்களை மாற்ற சொல்வதை விட சிறியவர்களுக்கு கற்றுக்கொடுப்பது சுலபம்.

பெரியவர்கள் முன் பேச இயலாது என்றால் அதையும் தெளிவாய் இதெல்லாம் தாத்தா பாட்டிக்கு (அல்லது உங்கள் வீடுகளில் எந்த நபரோ அவரை குறித்து) முன் பேசாதடா கண்ணா. அவங்களுக்கு இதெல்லாம் புரிந்து கொள்வது கடினம்.  அவர்கள் வளர்ந்த சூழ்நிலைகளும் காலமும் வேறு என்று விவரிக்கலாம்.  நாம் எதிர்பார்ப்பதை விடவும் குழந்தைகள் தன்மையாக கூறினால் புரிந்து கொள்கிறார்கள் என்பது நான் கவனித்த உண்மை.

நாளை என் மகன் வளர்ந்து அவனருகில் இருக்கும் அனைவருக்கும் உகந்த மதிப்பும் புரிதலுடனும் பழகுவான் என்று நம்புகிறேன்.  

இவனிடம் இருந்து இவனை சாரத்தோருக்கும் இந்த பண்பு வளரும் என்றும் நம்புகிறேன்!

A Pursuit of Passion - Season 1 - Episode 2

Introductory discussion continued with a few thoughts to munch on while on the road to discovery

Learn from Jonathan Davies and SWALLOW QUIETLY

What a beautiful listen it is!!! 

Let's ignore the natural melody of his voice and its depth... this is a genetic lottery he has won. the acquired skills in modulating, intoning and pronouncing right in various "voices" and impressions... 

•  this is a result of all the time he was able to put in to get here... 

 Let's ignore the perfect pausing and excellent pacing of the read... 

•  comes with experience, the technical team supporting the recording and of course the modern technology allowing such fine tuning and editing possible even if one isn't great at it. 

All the men, women (cis or trans) of this world who are working as audio book readers and voice actors, listen to this perfect SWALLOWING OF HIS SALIVA in between the reads. 

This for me is the absolute epitome of good reading. All those gum chewing, throat clearing "Talents" out there (I do not want to name and shame) listen to such GODS of the industry and learn. 

You may be the author or a "best selling" book who is now so empowered as to be demanded to read your own books because yes your audience and followers are dying to hear it, but the respect you pay to the people that are listening to you would be the first thing you might want to think about and train for. 

It doesn't matter if you have Victorian-lady-like-manner and dinner etiquette when you dine at home or out. Mastication, be it of a chewing gum while you record an audio book is about the worst idea ever thought of. 

And that when you are not trained to "keep it quiet" (even if you personally think is marvelous") is the worst damage you can do to the audio version of your "best seller" 

So kindly SWALLOW QUIET! 

 PS: In my future podcast episodes I will strive to practice my own advice or strive harder to edit them out :P

The pursuit of passion -series 1/episode 1

 

My very own podcast (series)

 I’ve uploaded my podcast on buzzsprout for now to make things easier for myself.

Submitted to the usual platforms such as apple podcasts and soon to be on spotify.  I’ll be sharing those links as well later once it is “live”.

I also thought belatedly of my own very little space right here.

I think if I have enough of you listening and I do one or two more I will start (try) hosting here directly and then also promoting on those two platforms.

Give it a listen and let me know what you think. Would love to hear your comments (here) or wherever you listen (and not on Facebook or Twitter which is where they will eventually get shared too).

For who am I...

Questions and doubts plague me a constant

Every word I spell a chore for I doubt

As I write I edit and delete

Changing them into submission and supplication

For who am I to dare to speak

For who am I to think worthy of being heard

For who am I to dare to voice

For who am I to feel I could

I mimic in misery while fully aware

That the brilliance of me that comes out at times

That makes you see, hear, laugh and may be even respect

Is nothing in truth but my disguise

Of the garment woven craftily from countless personalities

That I see, that I hear, that I read and am in awe of

Of the countless you’ll I constantly try to match and fail

For who am I to dare to dream

That I could truly be me and still matter...

In my darkness

In the dark center of my being

You come shining a gentle light

Albeit a gentle light it casts your shadows long...

They precede you in the race to help me

But aren’t I scared of the shadows around me...

Good or bad... shadows are mute 

And in the silence I hardly discern

I hear your feet on the heavy dust of my confidence scatter

Cowering in the corner I huddle into my arms

The only ones I trust...most days...

Aren’t I scared of the darkness for the shadows they hide...

Aren’t I scared of the darkness for the light they might let in...

Aren’t I scared of the darkness for the truth they hide

Aren’t I scared of your gentle light for what they might reveal...

Aren’t I scared...

ROOM - the movie —- An experience I want to share

One of the most impressive and impactful movies I have watched ever.  And that done in the subtlest way possible!

To handle a subject such as captivity, rape, confinement, sexual abuse without ever mentioning these words quite explicitly.  

And to keep a child’s innocence intact (as it would be if Jack’s story was real) as the child only sees as much.

But to then portray the complex and “almost incomprehensible beyond a point unless you’ve lived it” mix of emotions.

Poignant.  If you ever want to experience that word and it’s meaning then watching Room would be one way.  A most soul crushing way too.

Shudder to think of how many such tales are true life to countless humans.  Why we do this to each other.

The same psyche that can be as innocent and beautiful as Jack’s as a barely 5 year old boy can turn into the sick individual who leads to events of Jack’s being born and his living as he does is one of the many mysterious of Human brain and psychology for sure!

A movie to watch, behold, cry with and about, to lament those countless human lives that have lived such experiences and to lament the innocent children that are born and raised in such circumstances around the world and to sing praise for those countless resourceful parents who make the world for those children bearable and lovable if nothing else.  That’s what ROOM is for.  Go watch it.  

And yes for book lovers - this movie is an adaptation of the book by the same name.  I am eagerly waiting although with a sense of guilt and anxiety for I know how much the movie moved me and expect the book to do more to my emotions.

Here are the links to lookup the movie (rotten tomatoes) and the book (good reads)

https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/room_2015

https://g.co/kgs/LC2Ewu

I could not shake it off and am still continuously playing it in bits and pieces in my head.  As a parent I can relate to it.  As a woman I can relate to it.  

I am looking at my child with renewed cherishing and realise how absolutely precious he is to me, to us, and every single child on this planet.

Can we make sure, as a society, we do all that we can to prevent little Jacks turning into Old Nicks?

And I say that fully aware of this being gender specific or relation specific, irrespective of geography or race or religion or philosophies.  This is a human responsibility to the human civilisation!

American Son - A Netflix Movie

I just watched the movie American Son yesterday and was impressed with the simplicity and the execution.

It deals with racism in today's USA and how the human factor complicates it in every side of the issue.

One word of caution though: It is a pure drama almost a stage play made into a movie.

Edit: Oh I just googled for a link to add to the blog when I mention the name above and I was right with my guess or naive depending on how you see it - it was a Broadway play adapted into a movie so yes a "stage play"!

It is the likes of Man from Earth in the respect that it is simply about listening to the conversation occurring between the main characters.  I still believe Man from Earth is a better movie of course but it is a completely different subject matter and this one has all its weight in the content and discussion more than the storytelling.  So I guess in that case it is apples to oranges so not fair.

Definitely worth watching is all I want to say.  And well done to the people involved in making this movie.

Paeranbu (பேரன்பு) - A movie review

Of course spoilers ahead so in case you care to watch this movie please do not read further. 

This is a post I have had nagging the back of my mind for a while now since I watched the movie "Peranbu" a few months ago.

I was trying to find the right adjectives to express my criticism with, without descending to swearing and fuming.

The plot of the movie?

An estranged father tries to bond with and care for his teenage spastic child and discovers his love for her as well as, her, as a person, in the process.

That sounds great; certainly a recipe for a great movie to come.  At least I thought so.  Well, impress me they did!

They got so many things wrong and narrowed on possibly all the wrong things that they managed to create a disaster even out of such a plotline with potential to succeed (not referring box office collection here).

First of all:  Estranged father not because of unfortunate circumstances but because he knew he had a spastic child and did not care enough for her or his marriage so he left them to suffer alone - oh wait - in his family home with his side of the family there to torment them in the usual Indian mom-in-law, daughter-in-law circumstances which he himself finds loathsome later on in the movie when he faces it first hand even though he has the son privileges.

So why is there the “Oh I am so lonely, and lost, and a victim” attitude being potrayed for the father character coming from, I do not understand.

The man left his family.  And with full knowledge of his actions and an outline of the consequences if not more.  He made sure to send money, oh yes.  Fine whatever but his coming back and trying to repair damage means he needs to buck up and face it.  Like a man, as they remind us from time to time in the movie.

“Oh, he is a man, how will he manage to bring up a teengaed spastic daughter with special needs”?  Wait a second!  Spastic aside even otherwise that is a tough task.  Do you mean to tell the parents of the world that it would be a breeze if only it had been a spastic son?  Or a ‘normal’ child? Or if he had his wife with him?

I can only see the narrow-mindedness of the people who wrote and made this movie in every aspect!

1) Bringing up a child responsibly and with love (irrespective of the gender of the child) is tough and an everyday battle - every parent out there can attest.

2) If you are a single parent it is even harder  - irrespective of the gender of the child.

3) If you are a single parent and have the child of the opposite gender then yes, hands down is going to be even tougher.

4) Owing to social constructs and the average narrow mentality present around a male caregiver and a female child, even if it were her own father with no malicious intent, it is tough when, that said child, reaches puberty and upwards.

5) Every child when growing up goes through puberty, adolescence, hormones and self discovery.  Irrespective of the gender of the child. Irrespective of whether the parent(s) are together caring for the said child.

6) In Indian society, mostly, parents find this phase awkward and avoid any discussion let alone educational and supportive.

7) Once a child, grows into its teens and has "needs"  - that they so tout in the movie as they they are teaching the public that these things exist - they will inevitably find channels to express and satisfy those needs unless "chastened" into discipline through the various channels employed across the world - religion, taboo, guilt, terror, superstition and the rest - unless they are educated into expressing themselves safely and their general focus and energies diverted into other things (hobbies, activities and what not) which a lot of Indian families do with all the extra curricular activities and/or the additional tuition taken for competing on various exams that happen to coincide around the time they usually start this hormonal journey.

Sorry, I digressed.  Point is, this is normal for every child, spastic or "normal", boy or girl, single parented or otherwise.

I am picking up this draft again at this point after another few months have passed and still can understand why I was in so much rage when I saw the movie!

To continue...

They are trying to convey that even special needs children have their normal hormonal journey and we need to acknowledge and guide them through it. Noble enough as it sounds the attitude portrayed while making the movie to convey this message is appalling.

This estranged father has come back not of his own realisation but only because his “wife” who he has not even visited in the last few years has decided to leave him and the child to go have her own life with another man.

And they label that wife in the wrong and call her act selfish and portray the husband as though he is generous when he accepts the fact that he was as much not a husband to her as he was not a father to the girl.

That’s not generosity my friend!

And then there are some specific things focussed on in this movie. How one night he tries to be a sport and tries to cajole his daughter’s playfulness out by performing various tricks and antics. Then they show him defeated and crying to create sympathy but sorry all it evokes is surprise that you would expect this in just a few hours of trying to be friendly! 

And then there is his narrow mindedness in trying to keep his daughter away isolated and secluded with not an idea of trying to school or educate her or help in anyway except physically using a lady help or himself in the end.

And then he tries his home and hometown only to realise it’s not going to work in the society he lives in.

He moves to a town/city in the end and his idea of securing her better is to lock her up in a hotel room with food and drink and tv and go out to earn money.  Seriously?!

He then worries massively when he sees her go through a phase where she tries to kiss the tv screen to kiss her favourite actor like she has seen them do in the movies and videos she watches endlessly while he is out.  He also finds the hotel service men starting to take advantage of her innocence and need for social contact and panics.

He puts her in an asylum-school for special needs children based on someone’s advice only to realise that they use physical abuse to discipline them.

While all this is on he befriends a transgender lady only to misunderstand the care and affection she shows.

Then he tackles the issue of his daughter’s increasing sexual needs head on and goes in search of social welfare organisations and pleasure centres to fetch a Male prostitute that he could engage for his daughter’s sake! That is the “epitome of love” that they mean in the title of this movie! What nonsense. As the social welfare rightfully slaps the man that is what the director’s attitude needs too! She is a 14 year old little girl with special needs, no schooling, no parenting, no friends and no society to speak of! How does he intend to ensure that the Male prostitute will not take advantage of her, will show her healthy love and respect and will treat her right? How will he ensure his daughter enjoys it? How does he even know she wants that? Where and how would he find consent! And her age means it’s rape and illegal!!! I mean she wanted to kiss an actor and discovered how to pleasure herself! NOT THE SAME THING AS WANTING TO ENJOY TIME WITH A MALE PROSTITUTE! And she is 14!!! what is wrong with you guys?

He tries to do his research and finds out that all such children have needs and the parents or helpers or other significant people in their lives help them even in the front of satisfying their pleasures almost as routinely as giving them a bath-just a chore and they both know it.  He can’t handle anyway so he goes to his now separated wife who he realises is the wife of another man and mother to a brand new “normal” baby who wants nothing to do with him or his spastic daughter anymore.  

After this extreme awkwardness he gets his daughter the school uniform that she so covets to take her to a beach where he intends to quietly murder her by drowning her in the middle of the night while he himself commits suicide convincing himself that this is the only option left. Here we see the shade of the same man who left his family away only sending money from overseas. The same escapism. The same attitude with shunning responsibilities.  Incompetence and defeat of a man being portrayed as an object of sympathy! What a load of rubbish! 

There are so many things that are wrong in all these things. Would be such an idiot to just go get your daughter in the care of an asylum without understanding the terms? Would you be so naive as to even think you could leave her locked up.  One thing that strikes me though is - is this a reality I am unaware of? Is this a reality that people live everyday when they do not have the education or awareness? In that case may be I can acknowledge some of those things as plausible. But I can’t imagine that reality and that is where the movie fails for me or I fail to grasp it.

Then there is the transgender friend who obviously rescues them, gives him a new life and meaning by becoming his wife and willingly caring for the child as though her own and we see him reaching at his work desk while his “wife” takes the onus!  So all he needed from beginning to end was a wife who would work her back off to care for him and his special needs child while he could escape the reality into a man’s job everyday!  

How come no one in the movie set saw the faults!!?  And the part where the daughter pleasures herself. It’s great that a Tamil movie is bold enough to show something like this. But with the previous scenes showing the limits of her hand coordination and the neglect portrayed his her long uncut and dirty finger I shudder to think what mutilation rather than pleasure she would have effected on herself if this character was not fictional!

For dealing with a difficult subject well done. 

For attempting to convey a social message well done.

For the message itself - think hard and rephrase!

For the characters attitude and mindset - really?

For the movie as a whole - I am sad that so many people supported it let alone celebrated it.

We need to think things through as a society and just because someone deals with a difficult subject does not mean it is automatically laudable!

Peranbu is definitely not the kind of Anbu I want in my life or anyone’s I know.  This is what is wrong with all the abusive and hateful relationships that we see around us!  

Love as the intention does not excuse the faults in the expression of it!!

SHOTS - HUMAN TRAFFICKING

Note: Again, a long pending draft... When I reread these even I felt horrible... Don't ask me how or why I came up with these things.  And the truth is I do not know anyway that writing this could actually help anyone?!
How can common people stop any of this, or contribute in some way to stopping any of these things?
One thing we can promise ourselves is to make sure that the next generation is inspired to be good.


She tried to contain her excitement! She felt proud to be doing this, joining work on her 16th birthday...!!
Not many girls from her elementary school had survived unmarried and NOW she would work to support herself and her family!
She would be the son her parents had always wanted...until her little baby brothers were born that is but they are little and sick, so she could be like an elder son! 
She held on to her little sister with more resolve, the puny 12 year old hands gripping her tight in response.
They walked into the "firm" and were happy to see many girls of their own age or lesser.  She was glad her sister had someone to play with.
She was not sure why Chacha did not look proud or excited for them.  He smiled with resignation and relief as he pocketed the amount carefully and patted her head saying "we will save your little brothers don't worry"





Twins were such a rare thing as it is and both boys meant definitely good things to come.  She had seen it in happening in the past year.
Two of her sisters getting married to the old station master and his helper on the same day!  Even Arasi said everyone in the village were jealous of her family.
Then her father refused to give her away in marriage though she turned 13 last month...
AND NOW she was being allowed to go work out of town.
Kumar mama had made them see the possibility of her and latchumi supporting her family.  Of course dad got drunk silently and mom moved her big bellied frame as silently out of the house as she could with almost inaudible sobs.
She would take latchumi to a movie with their first salary.  They will eat one meal less to make up for the ticket.
The memories kept repeating themselves as it did almost every morning.
She tried to be strong as she walk to the dormitory where girls her sister's age lived and worked - cleaning and sewing for them - unless someone rich asked for one of them specifically. 
Or like her sister today, turned 12. 
May be she could bribe auto Ravi with a free round to help sneaking them out to a movie and back...




With this one, it added up to Rs.10000.  That would be more than enough to pay for everything.
She would need to hurry to send the money order in before evening - it was Friday, the busiest nights mostly.
Her calculations were interrupted by the discomfort of the mundane routine.
This one was always quiet and dissociated she recalled. 
She almost thanked him for the respite he gave her. 
Then she remembered and then it hurt. 
She swallowed her pride and shame.  Like everything else...




The 10 volunteers were all young men and women arranging the boxes all around for them all to pick one each when they left.
So she stood up trying not to shout at these "know it all" bunch of youngsters that had decided to educate the poor prostitutes!
Of course, one of the educated customers, or a TV ad, or a stray commoner uses one.
But they knew the reality even better.  Even the chatty Sekar had beaten her when she asked him to wear it once.
"We can suffer the disease than go through the beating everyday", she tried to maintain her tone.
She was angry that these young men and women who have probably never had sex yet, came to show them how they could be safe. 
After everything that had happened to them, why do they think AIDS was a big deal! 
She probably already had it anyway.




His friends had played a dare on him for his 20th birthday and he was not sure anymore why he agreed!
He was not sure if he was ashamed or horrified.
The experienced hands that were promised to initiate him belonged to that of an almost pretty 15 year old girl...
She did not even show any surprise at the sight of him.
He said "I don't want anything from you" but I will stay here for an hour so they pay you.
Her sly smile both teased him and thanked him.  He had his first crush and heart break at the same time. 
The NGO and the police received an anonymous tip that night.

Umbrella-Glasses

When people are busy trying not to slip or fall...
Trying to weave through the crowds without getting drenched

Jostling and juggling smoke, crowds and time-crunch
Getting to that ever present work and schedule

Unbeknownst to them there is another dance above their heads...
No... not the cosmic one... not that...

Umbrellas clinking Cheers to one another...
To a good drink of rain...
(Much to the irritation of the holders who do not share in the joy)
Bidding goodbye to a hardly-there summer and sunshine...and
Officially marking the end of it anyway...

Drinking to an early beginning of that blend of rain, cold,wind and unexpected cool sunshine...
Earlier sunsets and hard-to-wake-up-at early mornings...

Yes, Raise your umbrella-glasses folks...
To a wonderful next 6 months...

*A sullen welcome to last Autumn, funny that I publish this only when the next is almost upon us. 

A poetic in reply to my dad’s

வங்கத்து பொன்னாடையெல்லாம் வக்கற்ற மண்ணார்க்கணிந்து
தென்னகத்து சங்கமெல்லாம் பெருமித்து சீரழிய
இலக்கணமறியா கவினான் அதனால் தலைக்கனம் எனக்கில்லை
சொல்வேன் - சிங்கமே நீ

சில காலமாய் தமிழ் வேட்டையெல்லாம்
உன் வீட்டு பெண்டிருக்கே விட்டு
கிடைக்கும் புகழில் மட்டும்
பெருமுதல் பங்கு கேட்டபதாலோ

இருந்தும் தந்தையிடம் பயின்ற வித்தன்றோ
அதனால் நரி என்றாலும் நாயினமே
நன்றியுடன் தொந்திகொண்டப்பனாய்
உனக்கே முதர்வணக்கம்


*This was a silly game of words that my dad and I were playing a while ago and he teased me for my poor poetry - I started writing in Tamil because I was inspired by his writing prowess.  This was my comeback to him.  Can't recall what he initially wrote it had me calling a little fox somewhere.  :) I just noticed this in my drafts and thought to share...

A rant - Jallikkattu

I come from a family which is right leaning (although my father would never agree) and has always had great respect for the Judiciary in India. 
(I also have my own theories on why right leaning or why the Judiciary was so respected but this not the time and place for it so may be later.)

May be even due to this very reason, I never possessed any interest in Politics or current affairs unless it came close to my heart in some form, touched a nerve and/or I was simply too bored and purused the news.

The last few rulings (or not) and events though - I must say they have been a bit of a shocker!

Marital rape not covered under the act against Rape and Violence
---oh well, because that is an age old traditional institution that cannot be questioned or disrespected with such suspicions?!
---I came to know about this with all the debate around the Nirbhaya case.

Homosexuality is against the law as part of the unnatural offences
---oh, that!  That's because although it has always been around in our culture, it was never accepted as the "norm" (unlike marital rape)?!  So we will just uphold that as is, won't we?

No action against the Breweries and Soft drinks companies from using up our water resources to make their drinks even while many parts of the country suffer from draught!
because we just cannot halt production of organisations that keep the economy going?!
---The Maharashtra draught and all the articles around that - I think someone raised a question about the breweries at the time in one of the articles and it continues to be a constant nag at the back of my mind!!

Note: I do know that the Judiciary can only act when someone raises the case with them and I am not informed if 3) above was ever raised as one.

What is really up with us here in India?

We are in a chaotically beautiful phase here.  In the middle of a decade of transformation, of an identity crisis, where the "so called western/modern way of life" is heckling at all our present cultural and traditional practices.

A phase where people are constantly choosing what from our cultural and traditional past still is relevant to our newer way of life.

I myself live a life of an hypocrite sometimes, where even though I do not believe in so many practices but still end up being participating for various reasons. 
But that said I am very clear of what I do believe in, and what I don't. 

I have just evolved to know the difference in people - where and when I think my protests or confrontation would pay and where it would simply cause harm and pain achieving absolutely no gain for either parties involved.

This "knowing the difference" has brought me so much peace at the cost of not explaining my true beliefs or pretending to go through a few mins of some practice that I may not believe in.

This may not work for everyone and but has for me and I am glad for it.

I have strayed away a bit from the main point I wanted to discuss!!  On that note, this ban on Jallikattu has caught my attention due to having people around me that are passionately involved in protecting this tradition and voicing their protest!

"Neeya Naana" on Vijay TV once, quite a few months ago, had this very topic and brought in all the experts (Senapathy is a name that I do remember) that are actively involved in the case today, to talk about Jallikattu... and boy was I blown away!? 

The idea of "Madumeikkira payala!" was utterly crumpled and tossed out; I saw so many educated young and old, expertly explaining agricultural and socio-economic details that left me totally bought to the cause.

I recommend watching this show if anyone is interested. 

Now this and a few articles I shared on FB are just GEMS!  The most striking of this one for me is the evidence from Sangam literature, the Indus Valley seal and the description of the Event from the "Durai Kaalam".

https://thewire.in/19157/banning-jallikattu-will-decimate-indias-indigenous-cattle-breeds/

I wish we could see the arguments presented on both sides in the Supreme court.  My strongly instilled belief in Indian Judiciary tells me that if anything like these articles were presented as arguments in the court there would certainly not be a ban but only a Regulation for this sport!  Wonder what really went on in there.

To think about the real cause for this case - There are hordes of sports out loose that actually cause harm!  What about them?  Why this sport specifically is being scrutinized?  And the other question that nags me is why would they target Tamil Native breeds?  Given that UP and MP are much higher with their cattle and milk production ratios, have they been taken over yet?

Update:  I learnt from one of the videos that they indeed have been.  TN is one of the few states that still have a majority of the native breeds.

These questions are more of trying to prove if there is really an alternate motive to this Ban with the MNC's and taking over the world of cattle conspiracy in mind?  What is the argument for the other really?  I would love to get my hands on the court evidence and argumenbts if they are public!

An FB page had someone posting a wonderful summary with a reference to A1 and A2 milk and the background studies.  A quick search gave me this.  I am sure we can find much more detailed papers on these.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3475924/

There was one specific comment from one of the FB forum/conversations where the statistics provided (or not provided) was being questioned and that was simply intelligent questions that did not have answers.

The simple way to stop this protest and put sens einto the protesters would be to distribute this report and evidence is it not. They could seek the court's permission(if required) to make this documenbt public and make the protesters read those arguments?  So called ëducating the masses". 

If you truly care about the animals then reach out to the people that want to "cause harm" and give them your arguments, no....!!?    Not go door to door just publish your arguments online or in one of the national papers.  Nope! 

There are more and more articles, videos and recordings releasing day by day that simply educate why Jallikattu is important and what it stands for.  No wonder I support Jallikattu and the preserving of native breeds. 

If one were to suggest a better way to keep this going without the "harm"I am sure people would welcome it but that is c onspicuously absent from the arguments on the other side!

I've coined a new Term! Writer's Vomit...

We all know Writer's block and use it profusely without any regard to whether we possess any writing prowess and/or creativity.

Dumbfounded is not equal to calm and quiet.  So, is Writer's block.  If you just can't write does not mean you are experiencing a block.

The few times that I had used or atleast wished to my alter ago snorted and smirked killing all the flourish that came with the words and I just... mellowed down, let's say.

Now for some reason this morning, I realised how I always write in short and hurried bursts once in a few months and then just nothing for months and years.  Not that what I write are great pieces of work either! :(

That's when the words (or henceforth the 'term') just walked into my mind and sat there looking at me impatiently, as though it was getting bored until my stupid brain caught up and realised it had to share it with you all.

Well, enough of nonsense and nothing...I present to you a new term of my coinage...."Writer's Vomit".  Yes, that is what I am going to call and insist you do...
Nah just kidding...
You would think I was!
Please...! :(
No, I am not begging!!
NOT.

Well, once again nonsense and nothing aside...
I think it is justified to use the term though for such periods of harried writing that most of the amatuers go through.  I lead by example, see!  I just had to write this down.  Holding back only made it worse.  The urge was so strong you felt quirmy and uncomfortable, unable to sit out whatever you were about to do.  Nothing is comfortable except for getting it out.  The more it is 'ALL of it', the better.

And for most of us, (ok, some of us, whatever...) what comes out is quite putrid and reeking; all that we have ingested from the world, either fully, or in most cases partially, digested! 

And do I really have to say it? Ok fine, yes people do not enjoy going through the contents, No! 
And someone usually has to clean up after you. 
And if you are sick/sad (figuratively), it just falls back on you to clean it up!
Told you it all fits well!! :D

Now, the most interesting thing is that the ones going through the contents, or even watching you do it, get the urge too!  Tell me it's not true!?  How many of us have penned down, vomitting half baked stuff just because we were "ïnspired"?! I've done it loads of time.

I've even searched for it on Google to make sure I was not untittingly "plaigarised" someone else's words.  Here is the proof.  ;)

So yes, I hereby Coin the term Writer's Vomit!  Feel free t use it ;) On me too yes.... :P

On a side note, I did contemplate Writer's Orgasm but I could not identify this writing urge with it entirely, to be honest.  I mean look at how multifaceted and (satisfyingly) justifiable Writer's Vomit is to describe - not to mention the crooked fun - what we go through and end up producing?  May be we can reserve that for a work resulting in a good piece but not my personal choice.  I leave it to you...:P

Thank you for reading.  I would much appreciate, comments and conversations here, than on my FB post if you found this through there.  Cheers!

Sapiens: A brief history of Human Kind, a book by Yuval Noah Harari.....Has earned another fan

Let me just start with my conclusion - it is a great book and a must read for anyone remotely interested in History, Prehistory, Anthropology, Genetics, Natural Sciences, Philosophy, Human Rights, Animal Rights, Meta Physicists etc..,

Theologians or more specifically the religious, please keep away from it if you are fanatics.  Or should I say, you definitely should give it a read with an open mind (relatively) ?

Yes, that's how many fields it covers in its Venn diagram, showing the intersection of all these fields, comprising us, our lives, the bigger and more difficult questions from time immemorial.

As part of the conclusion let me also warn you that if you are seeking answers for these big Life questions (or even the small ones), no you will not find them there.  But that is the point!

This book charismatically states the whole of "Human" history and that of the world around us, from our perspective, with all its intricacies and shows us how everything is so interconnected. 
Although this is something most of us educated in the modern (western as Yuval might like to point out) education system, are vaguely aware of, even if we do not completely grasp the depth of it, is what this book gives us...the depth and perception that is required to see the Big Picture of Life as we know it.

It asks all the basic Big questions, What and who are we? Why are we? Where are we (less addressed in the physical sense and more in the 'timeline of life' sense)? Where would we go, what would be, and why?  And most disconcertingly, for us sometimes, the why not's

I felt transported back in time, to the days when I discovered that I was not crazy or dumb to be asking certain questions that I was.  Yes, it's true that 'partially educated' and 'inquisitive' are usually not a good combination, but that is how most of us "normal" folks  run most of our lives.

Such as, the time when I first read about Higgs Boson; I was probably 19 years old.  This was a time I was going through a frenzy to learn the chart of particle physics by heart.  Or rather, I was making a chart of all the "known" (or theorised should I say) particles in the known universe.  Not that my volatile memory held it for long or my poor & almost dysfunctional mathematical comprehension helped me understand the nuances.  But can't say I did not try!  Well, back to Boson, I was shocked to learn that my teenage question - what distinguishes Matter and Energy - that was dismissed or (ambiguously) not explained, was not, just a stupid question arising out of a brain ill suited to understanding.  But rather a question still puzzling the human kind and (like all questions ever are) VALID.

This time Yuval gave me a pat on the back and said, "see, you are not crazy nor alone to be suffering doubts and questions" such as
1)  about one's identities and nationalities in an increasingly global civilisation,
2) the conflict between passion and pride for a native language while repulsed by caste system although both are rooted in cultural identities,
3) the "agnostic"ism towards religion, spiritual and paranormal curiosities
are all not because I am not "FULLY"formed.  But are rather natural and healthy and already being discussed in full swing for many years now among "scholars". 
As a gene-obeying, evolution-complying, social "Human", yes this did comfort me, the fact that I am not alone (both literally and figuratively).

However, the questions remain to be answered.  The big picture is interesting, intriguing, fascinating, depressing all in various measures.  But that does not mean, we are doomed. The message is clearly optimisitic, with almost a hint of doubt, for the benefit of hindsight. 

The one thing that I did wish he had explained better was, that though climate change has happened all the time, and that we like all our predecessor natural beings are only contributing to it (albeit too fast and too destructive in our case), although we may yet survive and do something to help heal the world, we are STILL NOT out of the danger zone!  But this message, that he DOES leave, I felt, was not explicit enough.

My thoughts are hence, thus:

1) Yuval says, Climate change is not a problem in itself, it has always happened. True!

2) My thoughts on the lines of what he too said:

Ecological destruction is the main key issue but that too is probably "natural" in the evolutionary process, this time intensified by the fact of evolution having created a naturally selfish and destructive being, us.  Or may be all species are if you think about it, the selfish part atleast.

3) When I say evolution, I am taking the view that cultural and cognitive evolution which before Sapiens were not too great which are new in this age old process but still a "natural" factor although the end products of this may not be - such as missiles and factory emissions.

4) The problem with climate change and destruction is that, becase Humans are trying to retain the world as they knew it ('know it' would not be true for we have already lost some contemporories of ours, in the evolution speak - lookup the extinct specis from the not too distant past).  But from an evolutionary point of view this will never be true.  By this, I mean the world staying the same in someone's context!

5) Accelerated destruction and eco imbalance are a menace because, even if Sapiens -with our enlarged brains and extensive cognitive abilities- may yet come up with great advancements that would give us new source and let us construct a Noah's Arc to provide sanctuary to all the beings of the world, we still are in the danger of "YET". 

To put it simple, It may not happen before the events are set in motion! 

And that is probably the worst fear of all.

6) Evolution in itself might be changing (point 3).  From only genetic and organic, came cognitive and resultantly, (agri)cultural, industrial and now technological (r)evolutions!

This might be why we are changing from beings of US to beings of ME.  Whether or not it is a good thing, Yuval says - much like a musing elder - only time will tell.

7) All in all it is an exciting time to be living in.  I might even consider proliferation(!!!) to make sure my genes get to experience the changes of the FANTASTIC (not necessarily good) changes!!!
OR NOT, for precisely that reason!!?  What is after all My genome and My (extant) experience?

Well, in all, it was an excellent and enlightening book that keeps you hooked.  Not sure if listening to the audiobook somehow made it even more awesomatic!

Thanks to a friend (Sanjay, if you are reading this) for sharing his "read" on goodreads and thus introducing it to me!

Thanks for the book Yuval!  I am almost at once wanting to read Duedus and not... for what you might choose to tell us (or not?). 

Will I be similarly enthralled or disappointed?!  I suppose Time will tell?!! :)

Thank you for reading.  I would much appreciate, comments and conversations here, than on my FB post even if you found this through my post there.  Cheers!

Musings on FANDOM and the much expected journey...

My recent visit to Hobbiton- the icing on the cake of the little visits to LOTR book and movie places of NZ- prompted some thoughts... 

Hobbiton is obviously a "the destination" once in NZ if one is an LOTR fan.

And so it was, for us too.  LOTR was introduced to me by my brother when I was 15 when a bunch of us went to watch the movie "Fellowship of the Ring".  Of course I fell in love with Aragorn (and Viggo Mortensen) and he was the definition of "the man of my life" for my 15 year old self (and I fought over him with two other cousins of my age at the time).  I did not like Viggo Mortensen as anything outside of the role/looks of Aragorn, not even as himself when I googled him. :( oh and Gollum! I used to (still do sometimes) imitate/enact Gollum.  When Suresh gifted me the One Ring, I surprised and even spooked him with a "my precious... Gollum gollum" in Gollum vocals... :D a quite plump Gollum that made me though, he he!

The book is a different story for me... The first time I tried reading it was a #fail; not being able to go past the first 100 pages! This was back in 2007 and I was still in university.

I read it again much later, probably in the heights of joblessness of 2008 June - Sept break.

Having always been a fantasy fan, it was no surprise that I liked LOTR.  But I was not a fan in the traditional sense.  I never was - for anything - for that matter. 

I realised it when discussing Harry Potter books - which I read over and over again - with a dear friend (Lakshmi Ponnuswamy) and realised what a "fan" means.  I decided I would never be a "fan" of anything in that traditional sense where you remember and recall every minutiae of a book/movie.

But that is not to say I can't remember the events, characters and details quite well.  I just don't bother to remember them all and do not think it a sin if I forget something.

Fantasy and especially such a detailed and multi-layered epic such as the LOTR family of books, holds a very special place in my heart.  I too have had, no less than Elven dreams, trying to speak the tongues, (of course also trying to invent my own) when I was still smitten with the first read.

Visiting the WETA, (the studio that created many favourites such as LOTR, Avatar, District 9), the statues of the Kings, Gollum and Smog at WELLINGTON Airport.
Visiting some of the places where various scenes from The Hobbit were shot were quite an experience in that it would probably take another post to, if not for each spot. Oh and Avatar!  Can't wait for sequel(s)...!

Coming back to my experience in and at Hobbiton, it reminded me of..... how I was not a FAN. So many fans were feeling special just by being in the place that created Hobbiton for everyone, almost as well as how JRR would have wanted it envisioned.  For me though... it made me feel sad. 

Let me explain here, it is one thing to look at Mount Doom up close or go to the WETA studio and look at the gear or the graphic aids used, to look at the life size replica of your favourite characters.  It brings just JOY.  

But HOBBITON is just different (Atleast for me).  It's this perfect, peaceful and beautiful place, filled with happy people.  It's not hard to imagine but the movie did good by expanding on that dream with wonderful details and capturing the essence of it all.  And to go to the actual place to see where they brought it to life is a memory I will cherish, an experience I will remember. 

But that being said, here I was, looking at Bag End with no backend!!
Nothing except the door and the frame really.  That sort of killed me.  I could, in that moment, empathise with those kids that go through their "Santa is your mom" moment.  It was this bunch of highly skilled people working in a dedicated team effort and mounds of creativity, imagination; and I am sure immense FANDOM, that created this absolutely brilliant place that was only in the imagination of all those LOTR Fans and JRR's epic words till then.

And there, for me, was hard physical evidence of the fact that it was all NOT REAL.  It was NOT TRUE.   Of course I knew it all before.  But in that moment to actually see it all as a SET and be explained the details of how they painstakingly put together the magnificent piece of work-art, was this feeling of sadness that dampened and dripped on the feathers of the wings of joy and made it just float half heartedly instead of soar into the sky.

On the one hand, I was there, with one part of me being excited about being here at HOBBITON!  And the other half of me quietly withdrawing within myself into a deep corner with accusing teenager eyes. 

So instead of writing a piece of review on TripAdvisor - I am sure there are gazillion reviews already so one less is not going to affect people's decision if they already are looking for "reviews" to decide to go to Hobbiton - here I am lamenting a slight fraying in my dream fabric.  A must see if you are strong (fan) hearted unlike me.

குடல் கொடுமை, உருளை வதை!!

மெலிதான உன் தேகத்தை கையிலெடுக்க
உன் உவர்ப்பை என் உதட்டில் ருசிக்க
சிறிதாய் கடித்திட பொறுமையின்றி
                             முழுதாய் விழுங்கிட
தனியாய் அமர்ந்து பார்க்கும் என் பகல் வேலை
                             கார் கால ஏக்கமாய் மாற
குடல் காணும் கனவில் ஆழ்கிறேன்
என் அன்பு உருளை கிழங்கு வத்தலே!!




கறுமுறுவென கடித்த்துண்ண
மேலிதுரு கொண்ட உனைத்தேடி
சுடும் சுகம் கொண்ட பகல் கனவில்
ஆழ்திடச் செய்யும் ஒரு நிலையாய்
கடும் அடம் கொண்டிருக்கும்
என் குடல் செய்யும் இந்தக் கொடுமையில்
                                நான் எல்லை மீற
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குழந்தையாய் பிறந்ததாம் - இந்த ஊளச்ச்சதை!

Binge breaks

I've been meaning to do this for a while actually! (Like most things).  May be a stray thought branching off from the the world hunger series (or not! Been too long, can't remember).

I wanted to write quick short poems or funny lines or whatever expressions I can pen about my binge cravings every time I feel them (no I am not pregnant, just unhealthy!), and thus hopefully distracting my brain for long enough to actually overcome it!  Ingenious - ahem* desperate ahem* - it sounds, doesn't it? Let's see how long it works, for it did today...:)

So, I'll post my first attempt shortly!  Well, ended up writing two versions of the same thing because I was struggling for words to finish even one.  If you understood that you know what it means to fall out of touch with your writing spurts.