American Son - A Netflix Movie

I just watched the movie American Son yesterday and was impressed with the simplicity and the execution.

It deals with racism in today's USA and how the human factor complicates it in every side of the issue.

One word of caution though: It is a pure drama almost a stage play made into a movie.

Edit: Oh I just googled for a link to add to the blog when I mention the name above and I was right with my guess or naive depending on how you see it - it was a Broadway play adapted into a movie so yes a "stage play"!

It is the likes of Man from Earth in the respect that it is simply about listening to the conversation occurring between the main characters.  I still believe Man from Earth is a better movie of course but it is a completely different subject matter and this one has all its weight in the content and discussion more than the storytelling.  So I guess in that case it is apples to oranges so not fair.

Definitely worth watching is all I want to say.  And well done to the people involved in making this movie.

Paeranbu (பேரன்பு) - A movie review

Of course spoilers ahead so in case you care to watch this movie please do not read further. 

This is a post I have had nagging the back of my mind for a while now since I watched the movie "Peranbu" a few months ago.

I was trying to find the right adjectives to express my criticism with, without descending to swearing and fuming.

The plot of the movie?

An estranged father tries to bond with and care for his teenage spastic child and discovers his love for her as well as, her, as a person, in the process.

That sounds great; certainly a recipe for a great movie to come.  At least I thought so.  Well, impress me they did!

They got so many things wrong and narrowed on possibly all the wrong things that they managed to create a disaster even out of such a plotline with potential to succeed (not referring box office collection here).

First of all:  Estranged father not because of unfortunate circumstances but because he knew he had a spastic child and did not care enough for her or his marriage so he left them to suffer alone - oh wait - in his family home with his side of the family there to torment them in the usual Indian mom-in-law, daughter-in-law circumstances which he himself finds loathsome later on in the movie when he faces it first hand even though he has the son privileges.

So why is there the “Oh I am so lonely, and lost, and a victim” attitude being potrayed for the father character coming from, I do not understand.

The man left his family.  And with full knowledge of his actions and an outline of the consequences if not more.  He made sure to send money, oh yes.  Fine whatever but his coming back and trying to repair damage means he needs to buck up and face it.  Like a man, as they remind us from time to time in the movie.

“Oh, he is a man, how will he manage to bring up a teengaed spastic daughter with special needs”?  Wait a second!  Spastic aside even otherwise that is a tough task.  Do you mean to tell the parents of the world that it would be a breeze if only it had been a spastic son?  Or a ‘normal’ child? Or if he had his wife with him?

I can only see the narrow-mindedness of the people who wrote and made this movie in every aspect!

1) Bringing up a child responsibly and with love (irrespective of the gender of the child) is tough and an everyday battle - every parent out there can attest.

2) If you are a single parent it is even harder  - irrespective of the gender of the child.

3) If you are a single parent and have the child of the opposite gender then yes, hands down is going to be even tougher.

4) Owing to social constructs and the average narrow mentality present around a male caregiver and a female child, even if it were her own father with no malicious intent, it is tough when, that said child, reaches puberty and upwards.

5) Every child when growing up goes through puberty, adolescence, hormones and self discovery.  Irrespective of the gender of the child. Irrespective of whether the parent(s) are together caring for the said child.

6) In Indian society, mostly, parents find this phase awkward and avoid any discussion let alone educational and supportive.

7) Once a child, grows into its teens and has "needs"  - that they so tout in the movie as they they are teaching the public that these things exist - they will inevitably find channels to express and satisfy those needs unless "chastened" into discipline through the various channels employed across the world - religion, taboo, guilt, terror, superstition and the rest - unless they are educated into expressing themselves safely and their general focus and energies diverted into other things (hobbies, activities and what not) which a lot of Indian families do with all the extra curricular activities and/or the additional tuition taken for competing on various exams that happen to coincide around the time they usually start this hormonal journey.

Sorry, I digressed.  Point is, this is normal for every child, spastic or "normal", boy or girl, single parented or otherwise.

I am picking up this draft again at this point after another few months have passed and still can understand why I was in so much rage when I saw the movie!

To continue...

They are trying to convey that even special needs children have their normal hormonal journey and we need to acknowledge and guide them through it. Noble enough as it sounds the attitude portrayed while making the movie to convey this message is appalling.

This estranged father has come back not of his own realisation but only because his “wife” who he has not even visited in the last few years has decided to leave him and the child to go have her own life with another man.

And they label that wife in the wrong and call her act selfish and portray the husband as though he is generous when he accepts the fact that he was as much not a husband to her as he was not a father to the girl.

That’s not generosity my friend!

And then there are some specific things focussed on in this movie. How one night he tries to be a sport and tries to cajole his daughter’s playfulness out by performing various tricks and antics. Then they show him defeated and crying to create sympathy but sorry all it evokes is surprise that you would expect this in just a few hours of trying to be friendly! 

And then there is his narrow mindedness in trying to keep his daughter away isolated and secluded with not an idea of trying to school or educate her or help in anyway except physically using a lady help or himself in the end.

And then he tries his home and hometown only to realise it’s not going to work in the society he lives in.

He moves to a town/city in the end and his idea of securing her better is to lock her up in a hotel room with food and drink and tv and go out to earn money.  Seriously?!

He then worries massively when he sees her go through a phase where she tries to kiss the tv screen to kiss her favourite actor like she has seen them do in the movies and videos she watches endlessly while he is out.  He also finds the hotel service men starting to take advantage of her innocence and need for social contact and panics.

He puts her in an asylum-school for special needs children based on someone’s advice only to realise that they use physical abuse to discipline them.

While all this is on he befriends a transgender lady only to misunderstand the care and affection she shows.

Then he tackles the issue of his daughter’s increasing sexual needs head on and goes in search of social welfare organisations and pleasure centres to fetch a Male prostitute that he could engage for his daughter’s sake! That is the “epitome of love” that they mean in the title of this movie! What nonsense. As the social welfare rightfully slaps the man that is what the director’s attitude needs too! She is a 14 year old little girl with special needs, no schooling, no parenting, no friends and no society to speak of! How does he intend to ensure that the Male prostitute will not take advantage of her, will show her healthy love and respect and will treat her right? How will he ensure his daughter enjoys it? How does he even know she wants that? Where and how would he find consent! And her age means it’s rape and illegal!!! I mean she wanted to kiss an actor and discovered how to pleasure herself! NOT THE SAME THING AS WANTING TO ENJOY TIME WITH A MALE PROSTITUTE! And she is 14!!! what is wrong with you guys?

He tries to do his research and finds out that all such children have needs and the parents or helpers or other significant people in their lives help them even in the front of satisfying their pleasures almost as routinely as giving them a bath-just a chore and they both know it.  He can’t handle anyway so he goes to his now separated wife who he realises is the wife of another man and mother to a brand new “normal” baby who wants nothing to do with him or his spastic daughter anymore.  

After this extreme awkwardness he gets his daughter the school uniform that she so covets to take her to a beach where he intends to quietly murder her by drowning her in the middle of the night while he himself commits suicide convincing himself that this is the only option left. Here we see the shade of the same man who left his family away only sending money from overseas. The same escapism. The same attitude with shunning responsibilities.  Incompetence and defeat of a man being portrayed as an object of sympathy! What a load of rubbish! 

There are so many things that are wrong in all these things. Would be such an idiot to just go get your daughter in the care of an asylum without understanding the terms? Would you be so naive as to even think you could leave her locked up.  One thing that strikes me though is - is this a reality I am unaware of? Is this a reality that people live everyday when they do not have the education or awareness? In that case may be I can acknowledge some of those things as plausible. But I can’t imagine that reality and that is where the movie fails for me or I fail to grasp it.

Then there is the transgender friend who obviously rescues them, gives him a new life and meaning by becoming his wife and willingly caring for the child as though her own and we see him reaching at his work desk while his “wife” takes the onus!  So all he needed from beginning to end was a wife who would work her back off to care for him and his special needs child while he could escape the reality into a man’s job everyday!  

How come no one in the movie set saw the faults!!?  And the part where the daughter pleasures herself. It’s great that a Tamil movie is bold enough to show something like this. But with the previous scenes showing the limits of her hand coordination and the neglect portrayed his her long uncut and dirty finger I shudder to think what mutilation rather than pleasure she would have effected on herself if this character was not fictional!

For dealing with a difficult subject well done. 

For attempting to convey a social message well done.

For the message itself - think hard and rephrase!

For the characters attitude and mindset - really?

For the movie as a whole - I am sad that so many people supported it let alone celebrated it.

We need to think things through as a society and just because someone deals with a difficult subject does not mean it is automatically laudable!

Peranbu is definitely not the kind of Anbu I want in my life or anyone’s I know.  This is what is wrong with all the abusive and hateful relationships that we see around us!  

Love as the intention does not excuse the faults in the expression of it!!

SHOTS - HUMAN TRAFFICKING

Note: Again, a long pending draft... When I reread these even I felt horrible... Don't ask me how or why I came up with these things.  And the truth is I do not know anyway that writing this could actually help anyone?!
How can common people stop any of this, or contribute in some way to stopping any of these things?
One thing we can promise ourselves is to make sure that the next generation is inspired to be good.


She tried to contain her excitement! She felt proud to be doing this, joining work on her 16th birthday...!!
Not many girls from her elementary school had survived unmarried and NOW she would work to support herself and her family!
She would be the son her parents had always wanted...until her little baby brothers were born that is but they are little and sick, so she could be like an elder son! 
She held on to her little sister with more resolve, the puny 12 year old hands gripping her tight in response.
They walked into the "firm" and were happy to see many girls of their own age or lesser.  She was glad her sister had someone to play with.
She was not sure why Chacha did not look proud or excited for them.  He smiled with resignation and relief as he pocketed the amount carefully and patted her head saying "we will save your little brothers don't worry"





Twins were such a rare thing as it is and both boys meant definitely good things to come.  She had seen it in happening in the past year.
Two of her sisters getting married to the old station master and his helper on the same day!  Even Arasi said everyone in the village were jealous of her family.
Then her father refused to give her away in marriage though she turned 13 last month...
AND NOW she was being allowed to go work out of town.
Kumar mama had made them see the possibility of her and latchumi supporting her family.  Of course dad got drunk silently and mom moved her big bellied frame as silently out of the house as she could with almost inaudible sobs.
She would take latchumi to a movie with their first salary.  They will eat one meal less to make up for the ticket.
The memories kept repeating themselves as it did almost every morning.
She tried to be strong as she walk to the dormitory where girls her sister's age lived and worked - cleaning and sewing for them - unless someone rich asked for one of them specifically. 
Or like her sister today, turned 12. 
May be she could bribe auto Ravi with a free round to help sneaking them out to a movie and back...




With this one, it added up to Rs.10000.  That would be more than enough to pay for everything.
She would need to hurry to send the money order in before evening - it was Friday, the busiest nights mostly.
Her calculations were interrupted by the discomfort of the mundane routine.
This one was always quiet and dissociated she recalled. 
She almost thanked him for the respite he gave her. 
Then she remembered and then it hurt. 
She swallowed her pride and shame.  Like everything else...




The 10 volunteers were all young men and women arranging the boxes all around for them all to pick one each when they left.
So she stood up trying not to shout at these "know it all" bunch of youngsters that had decided to educate the poor prostitutes!
Of course, one of the educated customers, or a TV ad, or a stray commoner uses one.
But they knew the reality even better.  Even the chatty Sekar had beaten her when she asked him to wear it once.
"We can suffer the disease than go through the beating everyday", she tried to maintain her tone.
She was angry that these young men and women who have probably never had sex yet, came to show them how they could be safe. 
After everything that had happened to them, why do they think AIDS was a big deal! 
She probably already had it anyway.




His friends had played a dare on him for his 20th birthday and he was not sure anymore why he agreed!
He was not sure if he was ashamed or horrified.
The experienced hands that were promised to initiate him belonged to that of an almost pretty 15 year old girl...
She did not even show any surprise at the sight of him.
He said "I don't want anything from you" but I will stay here for an hour so they pay you.
Her sly smile both teased him and thanked him.  He had his first crush and heart break at the same time. 
The NGO and the police received an anonymous tip that night.

A rant - Jallikkattu

I come from a family which is right leaning (although my father would never agree) and has always had great respect for the Judiciary in India. 
(I also have my own theories on why right leaning or why the Judiciary was so respected but this not the time and place for it so may be later.)

May be even due to this very reason, I never possessed any interest in Politics or current affairs unless it came close to my heart in some form, touched a nerve and/or I was simply too bored and purused the news.

The last few rulings (or not) and events though - I must say they have been a bit of a shocker!

Marital rape not covered under the act against Rape and Violence
---oh well, because that is an age old traditional institution that cannot be questioned or disrespected with such suspicions?!
---I came to know about this with all the debate around the Nirbhaya case.

Homosexuality is against the law as part of the unnatural offences
---oh, that!  That's because although it has always been around in our culture, it was never accepted as the "norm" (unlike marital rape)?!  So we will just uphold that as is, won't we?

No action against the Breweries and Soft drinks companies from using up our water resources to make their drinks even while many parts of the country suffer from draught!
because we just cannot halt production of organisations that keep the economy going?!
---The Maharashtra draught and all the articles around that - I think someone raised a question about the breweries at the time in one of the articles and it continues to be a constant nag at the back of my mind!!

Note: I do know that the Judiciary can only act when someone raises the case with them and I am not informed if 3) above was ever raised as one.

What is really up with us here in India?

We are in a chaotically beautiful phase here.  In the middle of a decade of transformation, of an identity crisis, where the "so called western/modern way of life" is heckling at all our present cultural and traditional practices.

A phase where people are constantly choosing what from our cultural and traditional past still is relevant to our newer way of life.

I myself live a life of an hypocrite sometimes, where even though I do not believe in so many practices but still end up being participating for various reasons. 
But that said I am very clear of what I do believe in, and what I don't. 

I have just evolved to know the difference in people - where and when I think my protests or confrontation would pay and where it would simply cause harm and pain achieving absolutely no gain for either parties involved.

This "knowing the difference" has brought me so much peace at the cost of not explaining my true beliefs or pretending to go through a few mins of some practice that I may not believe in.

This may not work for everyone and but has for me and I am glad for it.

I have strayed away a bit from the main point I wanted to discuss!!  On that note, this ban on Jallikattu has caught my attention due to having people around me that are passionately involved in protecting this tradition and voicing their protest!

"Neeya Naana" on Vijay TV once, quite a few months ago, had this very topic and brought in all the experts (Senapathy is a name that I do remember) that are actively involved in the case today, to talk about Jallikattu... and boy was I blown away!? 

The idea of "Madumeikkira payala!" was utterly crumpled and tossed out; I saw so many educated young and old, expertly explaining agricultural and socio-economic details that left me totally bought to the cause.

I recommend watching this show if anyone is interested. 

Now this and a few articles I shared on FB are just GEMS!  The most striking of this one for me is the evidence from Sangam literature, the Indus Valley seal and the description of the Event from the "Durai Kaalam".

https://thewire.in/19157/banning-jallikattu-will-decimate-indias-indigenous-cattle-breeds/

I wish we could see the arguments presented on both sides in the Supreme court.  My strongly instilled belief in Indian Judiciary tells me that if anything like these articles were presented as arguments in the court there would certainly not be a ban but only a Regulation for this sport!  Wonder what really went on in there.

To think about the real cause for this case - There are hordes of sports out loose that actually cause harm!  What about them?  Why this sport specifically is being scrutinized?  And the other question that nags me is why would they target Tamil Native breeds?  Given that UP and MP are much higher with their cattle and milk production ratios, have they been taken over yet?

Update:  I learnt from one of the videos that they indeed have been.  TN is one of the few states that still have a majority of the native breeds.

These questions are more of trying to prove if there is really an alternate motive to this Ban with the MNC's and taking over the world of cattle conspiracy in mind?  What is the argument for the other really?  I would love to get my hands on the court evidence and argumenbts if they are public!

An FB page had someone posting a wonderful summary with a reference to A1 and A2 milk and the background studies.  A quick search gave me this.  I am sure we can find much more detailed papers on these.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3475924/

There was one specific comment from one of the FB forum/conversations where the statistics provided (or not provided) was being questioned and that was simply intelligent questions that did not have answers.

The simple way to stop this protest and put sens einto the protesters would be to distribute this report and evidence is it not. They could seek the court's permission(if required) to make this documenbt public and make the protesters read those arguments?  So called ëducating the masses". 

If you truly care about the animals then reach out to the people that want to "cause harm" and give them your arguments, no....!!?    Not go door to door just publish your arguments online or in one of the national papers.  Nope! 

There are more and more articles, videos and recordings releasing day by day that simply educate why Jallikattu is important and what it stands for.  No wonder I support Jallikattu and the preserving of native breeds. 

If one were to suggest a better way to keep this going without the "harm"I am sure people would welcome it but that is c onspicuously absent from the arguments on the other side!

Sapiens: A brief history of Human Kind, a book by Yuval Noah Harari.....Has earned another fan

Let me just start with my conclusion - it is a great book and a must read for anyone remotely interested in History, Prehistory, Anthropology, Genetics, Natural Sciences, Philosophy, Human Rights, Animal Rights, Meta Physicists etc..,

Theologians or more specifically the religious, please keep away from it if you are fanatics.  Or should I say, you definitely should give it a read with an open mind (relatively) ?

Yes, that's how many fields it covers in its Venn diagram, showing the intersection of all these fields, comprising us, our lives, the bigger and more difficult questions from time immemorial.

As part of the conclusion let me also warn you that if you are seeking answers for these big Life questions (or even the small ones), no you will not find them there.  But that is the point!

This book charismatically states the whole of "Human" history and that of the world around us, from our perspective, with all its intricacies and shows us how everything is so interconnected. 
Although this is something most of us educated in the modern (western as Yuval might like to point out) education system, are vaguely aware of, even if we do not completely grasp the depth of it, is what this book gives us...the depth and perception that is required to see the Big Picture of Life as we know it.

It asks all the basic Big questions, What and who are we? Why are we? Where are we (less addressed in the physical sense and more in the 'timeline of life' sense)? Where would we go, what would be, and why?  And most disconcertingly, for us sometimes, the why not's

I felt transported back in time, to the days when I discovered that I was not crazy or dumb to be asking certain questions that I was.  Yes, it's true that 'partially educated' and 'inquisitive' are usually not a good combination, but that is how most of us "normal" folks  run most of our lives.

Such as, the time when I first read about Higgs Boson; I was probably 19 years old.  This was a time I was going through a frenzy to learn the chart of particle physics by heart.  Or rather, I was making a chart of all the "known" (or theorised should I say) particles in the known universe.  Not that my volatile memory held it for long or my poor & almost dysfunctional mathematical comprehension helped me understand the nuances.  But can't say I did not try!  Well, back to Boson, I was shocked to learn that my teenage question - what distinguishes Matter and Energy - that was dismissed or (ambiguously) not explained, was not, just a stupid question arising out of a brain ill suited to understanding.  But rather a question still puzzling the human kind and (like all questions ever are) VALID.

This time Yuval gave me a pat on the back and said, "see, you are not crazy nor alone to be suffering doubts and questions" such as
1)  about one's identities and nationalities in an increasingly global civilisation,
2) the conflict between passion and pride for a native language while repulsed by caste system although both are rooted in cultural identities,
3) the "agnostic"ism towards religion, spiritual and paranormal curiosities
are all not because I am not "FULLY"formed.  But are rather natural and healthy and already being discussed in full swing for many years now among "scholars". 
As a gene-obeying, evolution-complying, social "Human", yes this did comfort me, the fact that I am not alone (both literally and figuratively).

However, the questions remain to be answered.  The big picture is interesting, intriguing, fascinating, depressing all in various measures.  But that does not mean, we are doomed. The message is clearly optimisitic, with almost a hint of doubt, for the benefit of hindsight. 

The one thing that I did wish he had explained better was, that though climate change has happened all the time, and that we like all our predecessor natural beings are only contributing to it (albeit too fast and too destructive in our case), although we may yet survive and do something to help heal the world, we are STILL NOT out of the danger zone!  But this message, that he DOES leave, I felt, was not explicit enough.

My thoughts are hence, thus:

1) Yuval says, Climate change is not a problem in itself, it has always happened. True!

2) My thoughts on the lines of what he too said:

Ecological destruction is the main key issue but that too is probably "natural" in the evolutionary process, this time intensified by the fact of evolution having created a naturally selfish and destructive being, us.  Or may be all species are if you think about it, the selfish part atleast.

3) When I say evolution, I am taking the view that cultural and cognitive evolution which before Sapiens were not too great which are new in this age old process but still a "natural" factor although the end products of this may not be - such as missiles and factory emissions.

4) The problem with climate change and destruction is that, becase Humans are trying to retain the world as they knew it ('know it' would not be true for we have already lost some contemporories of ours, in the evolution speak - lookup the extinct specis from the not too distant past).  But from an evolutionary point of view this will never be true.  By this, I mean the world staying the same in someone's context!

5) Accelerated destruction and eco imbalance are a menace because, even if Sapiens -with our enlarged brains and extensive cognitive abilities- may yet come up with great advancements that would give us new source and let us construct a Noah's Arc to provide sanctuary to all the beings of the world, we still are in the danger of "YET". 

To put it simple, It may not happen before the events are set in motion! 

And that is probably the worst fear of all.

6) Evolution in itself might be changing (point 3).  From only genetic and organic, came cognitive and resultantly, (agri)cultural, industrial and now technological (r)evolutions!

This might be why we are changing from beings of US to beings of ME.  Whether or not it is a good thing, Yuval says - much like a musing elder - only time will tell.

7) All in all it is an exciting time to be living in.  I might even consider proliferation(!!!) to make sure my genes get to experience the changes of the FANTASTIC (not necessarily good) changes!!!
OR NOT, for precisely that reason!!?  What is after all My genome and My (extant) experience?

Well, in all, it was an excellent and enlightening book that keeps you hooked.  Not sure if listening to the audiobook somehow made it even more awesomatic!

Thanks to a friend (Sanjay, if you are reading this) for sharing his "read" on goodreads and thus introducing it to me!

Thanks for the book Yuval!  I am almost at once wanting to read Duedus and not... for what you might choose to tell us (or not?). 

Will I be similarly enthralled or disappointed?!  I suppose Time will tell?!! :)

Thank you for reading.  I would much appreciate, comments and conversations here, than on my FB post even if you found this through my post there.  Cheers!

SHOTS - A Series of shorts - World Hunger

A good mentor of mine told me once - why don't you use your interests more to the benefit of your beliefs/philosophies/principles? 

I couldn't tell him this at the time because I was afraid of admitting this even to myself but I doubt if I can contribute to any of these "causes" that have me going anytime!! 

It is a question of doubt in myself and my faith!

So a small attempt towards testing it... 

The inspiration was a few two liner stories I read that someone forwarded on whatsapp. 

Story 1:

Her own lines - about people needing to be responsible for the quantity of the food they make or order - from her award winning journal article on World hunger flashed through her head. 

The very reason why she came to this favourite "inexpensive but partly non profit" food haunt of hers that served great quality food - apt for her celebration she had thought! 

She had almost chastised herself into not feeling proud of the fact that she did not choose any of the flash restaurants her Mentor had suggested to go - just for today - while she politely refused that that would be so hypocritical of her if she did go! 

She had instead chosen to dine quietly by herself in her favourite food haunt, rejoicing at her first victory and hoping to give her full at the internship she just won, to work for that very cause.

Not 15 mins after, ashamed of herself, her eyes brimmed with tears while she constantly whispered what she knew to be useless "Sorry" to the scores of hungry people old and young across the world that would not hear or be able to respond to that anyway. 

But she still counldn't bring herself to pick up that whole serving spoon of her favourite food that the new waiter mistakenly dropped on the floor while serving and was now looking at her expecting her to get him fired on his probable first day at work! 

Story 2:

She was pensieve more than upset. After so many years of experience she had grown numb to emotional shock and impact that might come with watching an infant as young as that pass away for lack of nutrition, not a sip of water or mother's milk! 

The world was indeed cruel and it hadn't changed in her 15 years of practice.  Her ability to respond more than react helped her cope with this kind of environment that she chose to work for. 

Her train of thought was dirupted when her son walking in - sweaty from playing to his heart's content all morning, on his last day of school holidays this season - and going for a glass of water dipping two of his fingers in to hold it right. He was still young, she knew.

But she couldn't stop from reacting to "that" and did not pause to think while draining that almost perfectly drinkable glass of water down the sink and feeding him a fresh glass to avoid him touching it. 

She did not know if she felt ashamed or angry or disappointed in herself and unfair world she lived in while mumbling a word of prayer for that infant soul!

Note: I'll try to shorten them in the ones to come.  I will switch "causes" but want to continue a series on world hunger.

But some interesting apps I came across are: 

Share The Meal - WHO

MOHAN Foundation - EDonor App

I am yet to explore these in full so more on them later.

Truths about life as a Gen-Y

Disclaimer:  All opinions expressed here are my own.  You are not obliged to agree with any of these.  Do not post hateful comments either.

Thanks to Aruna Narayanan for making me feel good by clarifying that we were Gen Y and not Gen X.

The most overrated in life as a Gen Y

30 years of age ---

30 is not a deadline (not any other age for that matter).

With my vicious 30 in the vicinity, I too am confronting the great fear.

Nope! 

Your metabolism, physiology and all other things that keep you in 'Young & Growing' probably changed a decade ago so don't even bother!

Wear it with pride, after all age is just a number...No!?

Sex ---

It is not as big a deal as one is led to believe.

Legal Adults - Check

Consensual - Check (also involves not being intoxicated while making the decision).

Protection - Check

Then it’s good to go.

Even to write this I am right now overcoming a mental battle against it but I know this what I have said is correct.
       

Unique ---

"Everyone is uniform in their aspiration to be unique and the fact they already are unique as with the rules of a multidimensional universe".
                                             ---Ujwala B Joshi   ;)

Social Media ---

Not being a social media omnipresence does not mean you are a recluse. 

Understand the objectives of being a part of each and pick and choose.  Get over it, move on!

  

Shape and size ---

Honestly!  It doesn't matter because you are Unique ;)

I am not talking about fitness here or health.  

Yes, I did have to think carefully to choose which  of these almost synonyms that I am to undermine the hyoe of, if at all it is.

Fashion ---

It is so subjective (it is a long list so I am leaving it for you to think about what is it subject to or subjective of) that it shouldn't be so uniformly hyped.

Caste and Religion ---

Choose to believe what you may. 

Debating about it is a waste of time.

Proliferation ---

Don't do it unless YOU/YOURS and ONLY YOU/YOURS want to.

IQ/GeekDom ---

Though these are truly two different things, people seem to think of them as synonymous and everyone wants to be one! 

Everyone of us is either truly one - in a subject of our interest - 

and pretending to be one - in common subjects of interest -

while also pretending not to be one when we truly are - if the subject of our choosing is not quite platable to the crowd we are in.

Sexual Orientation --- 

It's always been there, either accepted openly or practiced secretly.   It always will be.  

As long as it is as per Sex above it should be good to go.

The most underrated or valued in life as a Gen Y

Water ---

Conserve Period

Green Earth/Renewable resources ---

Educate yourself if you disagree or die trying.  There is no alternate reality.

Survival Skills ---

Learn to DIY as much as you can. 

Learn to survive.  For WINTER IS COMING…. ;) :P

Personally I don't like India! But you could visit...

I am not sure why we are this way, but I see a lot if this around me in this country.  May be this is prevalent across the world but I don't know about that.  I wouldn't since I have travelled nowhere outside of my country.  Not even out to many other states within India let alone go out of the country.  But that being said I have, yes, have seen this complex.  A sort of superiority inbred inferiority complex.  Or may be the other way around?! We go around bitching about the country even though we live here, earn our money and not just survive but live here.  Some of us who do this may have travelled outside of the country, may have lived there a few years but that doesn't warrant this sort of bitching about the country to foreign nationals in the name of being friendly!!! Why do we do this?! I don't know.  It's alright when we do it among ourselves but not to outsiders.  Or is it? Is it alright, this basic thought, this shame of belonging to or living in this nation?  

I do not believe in taking pride in just the ancient history and keep talking about it all the time to all visitors.  Atleast not anymore.  But that doesn't mean you say this is one of the worst places to live in.  

It is a basic right or rather a responsibility to feel proud of the good things in ones country.  Note 'the good things'.   Why not? 

I have a few around me who travel frequently, extensively and/or regularly to different parts of the world and from all that I have read/heard I know that we are bad in some things but also good in some.  As always with any place isn't it? 

But I do think it should be ingrained in us to not bitch about the country to others let alone feel proud and share it.  It should be one of the morals taught at home along with 'stealing is wrong' or something as basic as that.  

I am not saying that we should not involve in intelligent discussion (or even as someone put it armchair debates) but please have a basic sense of patriotism or atleast hospitality.  Yes hospitality, for hospitality is not just making the guest comfortable but also feeling a sense of accountability/responsibility and/or pride towards ones place wherein the hospitality is offered.

I wish I had the guts and enough knowledge to make a sane conversation and make this co passenger in my train understand that your fake accent and half baked command over the language and the conformity that you seek by making yourself an outsider from all the bad things in your country is only going to make you be valued at much less and your country even worse (or may be the other way around) than if you behaved a good host and not bitch about your country unnecessarily even when the guest  insisted your place was good.  Or better keep quiet.  I have this strong urge or impulse to show this script to this co passenger but being a young woman traveling alone in train I do not want to risk my safety.  Yes I know this is probably making me a coward and may be even as bad as what I just wrote about but could I help it? Probably not! Time will tell.  If I act on this impulse will update this blog.

Being friendly and personally showing off (supposedly) as an outsider is an INGNOMINY and NOT a thing of pride!!! 

The little old lady that made me happy!

It's after a long time that I have been moved and overwhelmed in real life, in person; not one of those videos or those blogs or those news articles or those tweets or Facebook uploads...

Today I met an old lady. She cud have been anywhere between 75 and a 100 years old.  She was going about her life with so much acceptance, such innocense (and even a sense of humour I later saw) inspite of all the worldly problems of health, wealth and well, life as such.

She was almost hunch backed, about 3ft tall, had the early spurt of hair growth on her head, that follows a tonsure, a dirty gown on that covered her dutifully from neck to ankle, a dirty cloth bag of her few belongings or may be those that she needed for her business whatever it was. She walked a straight path on the busy main road, her eyes on the ground, not the slightest intention on her (evident from her body language) to even seek physical help, let alone stretch her small puny arms for alms, to the plenty of people walking around her, definitely in a much better state in life.

As I crossed her, I cud barely control the reflex to turn around and look at her properly, not just the outline I caught as I overtook her in pace.  My angel and demon were swiftly engaged in the battle of morality, of dharma and the practicality of my real life.

As I reached the bus stop to take the connecting bus, I (like the child we all are within) told myself that I wud wait and see if she wud head my way and if so I would give her a small sum that wud appease both the angel and the demon or atleast strike a compromise while they found new arguments as to wanting and not wanting the lady to head my way and debating over how useful or laughable the sum I had decided upon to give away was.

I had already extracted the money from the attic of a bag I had and was ready when the angel's wish won. The lady walked right into my way.

As I approached her she broke into such an innocent and infectious smile that I was surprised.  The battles that were waging inside me until that very moment I approached her were quelled, more like the demon was dumbstruck.

As I inserted the currency notes into her ( really small) palm she paused to squint at the notes and then gave it back to me with a half mute vocabulary and said 'kapde' (clothes). She tried showing me something with 5 of her fingers that I initially did not understand.  I told her to keep the money, mustered a warm and guilty smile and walked away.  To my surprise she walked to the bus stop and approached me.  She again tried giving the money back and explaining that she needed clothes making the 5 finger gesture.  Then it stuck me, or atleast the most I cud make out of it - I extracted some more from my purse hastily and gave her a relatively larger sum.  I told her not 'Khana milega' (you'll get food with this) this time but 'kapde milenge' (you'll get cloth with this), with a reltively less guiltier heart and a more satisfied smile.  I rushed towards the bus that approached while I felt all the eyes that were earlier watching us, slowly leave and the woman followed and got into the bus too.

For a second I thought she was following me but realised that she actually was travelling in the same direction.  I was not sure if my heart was happy or my ego unhappy.  I even thought may be I just got fooled and I wanted to walk away, into a corner, not wanting to look at anyone that might recognise me from the curious exchange or especially the lady.  For I was sad to leave her clinging to the support pole while a young fellow gave me the 'ladies seat' that he was occupying until then.

As the driver and conductor started laughing and having a jovial conversation with/about her or probably js couldn't help smiling at the innocent expressions of the sorry little creature to whom they tried demanding the ticket fare while she half mutely joked back giving them imaginary coins from thin her.  I was watching every word uttered with a beating heart, every eye on her that was curious or mocking, made me want to get up and pay the ticket fare.  But the demon had had enough. Angel was making feeble attempts.  As I realised that the diver and conductor were merely having good natured fun and did not expect to get anything from her, I relaxed and let go of the idealist in me that had decided to hail the conductor (as inconspicuously as possible) and pay him her bus fare.

When I saw her alight from the bus on her own accord at her destination, I breathed a sigh of relief
and told myself that she is going to walk 'home' as safely as she had travelled so far.


Then I started marvelling in earnest at the astonishing strength and happiness showed by this frail child of an old lady.

I wished I had given her a hug, that I had taken her home with me, given her good shelter for the night, a square meal of food and the love of a daughter or granddaughter; like the scores of people who are currently doing this for thousands of people across various cities everyday without expecting anything in return.

I wished I had given her the big bar of chocolate in my bag and as I thought this it also crossed me that it cud even have been adverse to her if she had diabetes.  Then the irony stuck me. The irony and cynicism of human nature that doesn't really let us move beyond our limits as a 'practical person'.

Well this was a small portion of just what I cud do.  May be one random day when I cud.
If I were asked to spend all of my earnings in such deeds or even just a significant amount monthly for these people (as those many many noble hearts are doing), I wouldn't be able to.

This was just a lucky day for me, probably a celebration for a dear ones birthday that wud be here in one day.

But this also saddened me, for this was also the dark irony. For I had expected people to have noticed.  This consciousness had embarrassed me causing me to seat myself into a corner.  I had thought about how they wud have perceived me.  May be I am js a pious Muslim doing her duty during the month of ramzan (for I did have a costume similar on) - though a duty no less nobler - but still done because you are supposed to.

I was saddened at these thoughts that had crossed my mind.  I tried to dispel it by thinking how nothing  matters - how people perceived,  whether or not they even noticed.  At the end of the day it made me happy, moved me and made me smile.  Then it was touché, the angel smiled at the demon.
I recalled phoebe and F.R.I.E.N.D.S.  Accepting this innate human pride or whatever that was was more graceful than I had thought. All that mattered was I have done something to help someone and in the process made atleast two people - the lady and myself.

I walked the rest of the way home with a slight spring in  my steps, blessing the little lady's soul.

What would happen if I (read: a woman with Social Responsibilities) abandoned it all and went in search of enlightenment at 25 (if I get stupid enough to do that?!)...!?

Back in secondary school at KV - Syllabus A, we had a poem called Yashodhara ka Vilaap (forgive any speling mistakes) - about which I remember the feeling expressed than any of the lines.

It was a beautiful poetry about this character called Yashodara who is none othr than Buddha's very own wife queen; about her sorrow that her beloved left her and their only son in search of "enlightenment". 

It was a poem that touched me deeply.  I couldn't find it onilne right now (though I would like that very much), else I would share here.

So just imagine a rich king, abandons his wife and young child, goes off in the search of some peace or knowledge or God, however one may interpret - all vey noble and grea on his part but what about his wife and child. 

In the case of Rama, he abandons his wife (and unborn child(ren) as it turns out), for keeping with the thoughts of his people and upholding so called "King's duties to his people".

Now let us pause and see what is expected of these women or rather what do they end up doing? Worship their beloved husbands; Not giving in to their personal feelings and respecting them still.  And th worst part is - these apparently, not out of any compulsion...

They may be big hearted, but I am not.  I do not think the same would have happened if the roles were reversed...

Thes husbands  respecting their wives, understanding the causes that led them to act like that if they did much less worship them...!? Nien!  I do not know what is root cause - society, chauvenism, inert human nature... Whatever it may be, I do not know nor want to get into those...

Well, am I happy to be in this century of modern household and understanding and Gamma men...?!  Yeah Baby, definitely. :) 

I know even now they would not really apprecate if I left my house/family/"responsibilities" and went in search of "enlightenment" but atleast they are adjusting enough and understanding enough when need arises for an onsite... :)

Independence - Life's Reward Structure

The problem with the people that love you/care about you is that they tend to not be able to accept the fact that you have grown up and/or that you are on your own, especially when you make decisions and choices that don't really go down well with them. 

Be it really big or really small, it is not - you did something like that because you made a conscious decision/choice - but were under a bad influence which lead you to do something like that, which you could not have conceived of by yourself, No!

The reason is simple, they cannot find fault with you, so it has to be someone or something else.  May be the friends, the various relationships with their environ, that may have put such thoughts and actions in them... But well, the hard truth is that, it is in most cases, not so!

There is this innate nature in human beings to gain independence in every form.  Entropy may be, showing up in its purest form!?  One wants to go his or her own way, learn things the hard way, even though there is this wisest person who could give you the best advise on the matter, right there, next to you in theform of a parent or a sibbling or a close friend.

But this may be out of various decisions/thought processes.  As in my case for instance, one may just want to learn it the hard way because there is a certain satiety associated with self learning even masochistic sometimes. There is a certain pride associated with "self" people and again the society or the upbringing is to be blamed for this thought structure too.  Independence, has some respect, some glamour to it, though people do not want it for their children all too soon (and it is almost always too soon).  So one may want to prove to their kin and kind that they are strong by trying to be independent and ends up growing a fondness to it, an attachment that becomes a fixation.  A reward structure.  Like a hard earned penny or something.  The learning that comes out, a "life's hard truth" that stares out at you at the end of a difficulty, may not be very sweet, but you will never forget the bitter sting and hence the learning either.  Or the reward it brought to you in any form/degree of satisfaction.

Is it wise to let people go and make all the bad decisions and learn by themselves, especially when it is your beloved child? Of course not, but you may have to let some learnings pass by, without your interference, and teach themselves to your loved ones, the hard way or otherwise!  Standing aside and watching your child grow up and try to fight life is a part of parenting too and the challenge is to keep them on their feet while they do, giving them the push without them realizing it, by a simple process - Trusting them to do it!

Trust works wonders... Trust me on this...

P.S: As always all these thoughts bring a stronger fear out, rather makes me brace myself to face a stronger challenge, in my future - Parenting!

Hers. . .

She always felt like she has known her for a long time. . . There was something about the look in her daughter's eyes like she knew her mother too well for her age or time would have permitted her to know.  The serene smile, yet, so innocent as it was worn on the little face. . .

The skin so soft.  The soft silky brown hair undecidedly folding into curls at the ends.  The little hands and feet.  The milky fragrance of her little body.  Even when the baby cried relentlessly in the nights during their initial days together, she did not get irritated. If she was tired, the minute she lifted her daughter, she was grateful for the warmth and comfort the little body offered her.  Her daughter was the most beautiful thing she had ever looked at, ever held. 

The little crinkles near the beautiful brown eyes. . . And those eyes.  That sometimes, soothed her... Sometimes disturbed her. . . It was colour she knew only too well.  She had not thought about it clearly for a long time though it used to nag her mildly, constantly. Every time she looked at her beloved child, she would invariably get hooked to the eyes.

Then it came to her one day. When she was going through her school photographs.  But it couldn't be.  It may not really be for it was not distinctly that shade of dark brown.  It was like a somehow more feminine version of the same eyes.  But it could just not be.

Everytime she thought about it, she became uncomfortable.  For her general wondering grew into a disturbing curiosity.  Then it drew her imaginative mind's interest far more deeply.  And before she could stop herself, she even started hoping that it was true. . . That is when she had to stop herself.  She did not want to disturb her calm, peaceful, in fact beautiful but a little lonely life.  Stop.  What was she thinking.  This is why she had to stop.  She wasn't Lonely.  She had her daughter.  This is what she had chosen.

She had the perfect life, she told herself.  An independent and interesting career.  A cozy little house for herself.  She is making enough money to support herself and her beautiful little daughter and still saving for her only daughter's future. . .

She did not have an unhappy committment - nothing that would affect her comfortable existence.  Her daughter was her world.  Her family had not spoken one word to her after her decision and she was not too worried.  Time heals everything.  She has supported her baby all alone for 2 years now. . . She was sure she can do it all her life. . .

She had her best friend to support her at hard times... No. . . No, she would do even without him.  Or would she?  Please, no not again. . .  Those eyes.  They always set her thoughts going like this which is why she was always wary of them though she loved them, especially for their familiarity for she could quietly build an imagination too good to be true. . . Wait... What is this. . . Stop. . .

She looked at her baby sleeping - the angel, the saviour, the joy. . . She soothed herself that it could not be so...  She was fine. . . Everything around her was fine. . .  And then the door bell rang.  It was time for his visit. . .  She loved to see the adorable smile that spread on her daughter's face every time she saw him. . . Much like her own happy heart at the wonderful company. . .   But she feared the day when she would ask about her father and the day she may even mistake him for, if only it were true. . . Stop. . .

She shook her thoughts away to go back to her life, the way it was. . . Happy but a little lonely. . . She had to admit. . . Except for these visits. . . She might very well admit it to herself. . . Herself alone. . . 

Letter to the Bastards.....

You sickening bastards,

What the fcuk do you guys get from that?  It totally slips me...

I do not understand the joy of a fleeting second of your hand/body touching/hitting skin/dress?

Why cannot we enjoy a moment of let down guard?  Why should we be vigilant all the time?  Why is it our fault if we walk down a road enjoying the scenary instead of watching out for the sicko in every person we walk past. . .

Nobody is going to bother if you go to your fcuking corners at your homes and do sick things imagining random people you see on the road...  Atleast we wouldn't know. . .

Do you even know how humiliating it is, those few seconds/minutes?  Well, do you even care. .

There is almost no girl that does not have a flashback of having been abused.  Beginning right from childhood...  I really don't want to start on child abusers.  There would be no end, the sickest of you all. . .

And all those educated bastards... These are the decent ones - with their friends and aquaintances - but walk to the Pubs/Coffee Bars/Dance Floors or any place that has crowd/drink/smoke/dance/music - where women would want to let the hair down - and start showing their ugly side just because women are "out and bold enough to have our share of fun" . . .  They have the face to even say that to their friends -"well what are such places for... After all the women come there to have their drinks!"

Just because a woman drinks or goes out with her friends doesn't make her "easy"...

The things you do in public, range from flashing to brushing past to shagging to groping and pinching... What sickening joy?!!!!

Well, get this, I know it probably doesn't hit you at all, but in the weakest of your moments, where your inflated egos and disguised insecurities are exposed, remember this!  You are the most despised, hated beings that could ever live on earth. . .

Last wish. . .

The rubble around her intrigues her barely awake brain while she is quietly indifferent, to all that chaos and cacophony of the dying.  She is careful not to walk upon any piece of flesh whether a part of an alive being or dead and it is not a conscious effort - it is involuntary.  She is so numb with exhaustion that she is incessantly aware of every infinitesimally small change in everything around her. She extends her hand to feel the morbid air, thick with the thoughts of so many thousand weeping and feeble souls, most willing to die quickly than live the horrible pain, while clinging dearly to the little of life left in their atoms.  She braces herself against the raw cold, and walks without paying heed to the calls of the few sane people trying to help the helpless.  She is sane enough to watch and understand the hurt and gauge the gross damage. She is not sane enough to help anyone there beyond dragging herself away from them before she kills everyone to a quicker, more peaceful death.

She slowly comes around to hear her mother's voice; opens her eyes to get a startlingly clear picture of her mother with eyes that seem wise and strange - worn out eyes, sore with dried tears - reflecting a hardened soul, cold with strength, fighting against the weakness of emotions.  She sees her nod towards the doctor.  She understands at that precise moment.  Her mother did not let her down even now.  Her mother is always right - she smiles towards her gently - she knows her mother would have heard her think - I love you!  She looks at the single pearly tear that trickles down her mother's cheek, the one she always loved to rub against.  She can still recall the smoothness and the smell of it.  I love you mom!  She closes her eyes to the tiny pin prick of the needle – the last of pain she was to endure, the last of anything she was to feel in her short life.  She closes her eyes, gratefully!

An evolution of the dying . . .

There are just too many dead around me for me to care for one loss

There are just too many hurt around me for me to tend to one wound

There are just too many crying around me for me to wipe one tear

There is just too much sorrow for me to sympathize

There is just too much emotion in the around for me to empathise

This is my world

This is my life

And I am a walking corpse

And I look around once to realize I am one in a herd

And I pause and let the crowd go and realize it is not a small herd but a whole population

A civilization of dead

An evolution of the dying

Primate army of the great mythological figure and the Pencil Vs Fountain Pen in the relative lesser gravity of the moon... Now what's the Point?

I was just reading the news about our "Primate army of the great mythological figure that has resurfaced" and that again their leader seems to have a gaping hole in his logic and action.

Earlier a couple of eons back, (According to the Hindu mythological calender) he wanted to check if his wife had slept with this guy - forcefully or not - who had kidnapped her.

This time the Army are behind every girl and guy moral policing.

So back to the point as I was thinking about this I started to analyze the technology options, from what's available and what I am aware of, as to how they would have tested her in the Treta Yug.

1) It is not a simple virginity test.
2) They gotta check the semen sample and see if they match?
3) But not necessarily, semen sample would be available, nor would the Enemy concede for such a test.
4) So they have got a way of testing where they don't need semen samples or genetic proofs.  Hmm...!?

Sounded complicated.

Note:  I almost believe in a different versions (or a similar one here) of God and Mythology (More on it later).


But then it stuck me, hey they just have to check if there had been any recent sexual activity - she's supposed to have been away from her husband for a real long time - just that.  Sounded simple.

Sounded like the Fountain Pen Vs Pencil in the relative lesser gravity of the moon.

I really have no idea what the point of this discussion is! I am sorry.  :(  :P

I feel like some sci-fi movie clone that's in an identity crisis...

Don't you all, all you out there, working for a big brand company (IT industry), probably campus placement, that everybody recognises ur organisation back home but not doing anything unique... Well...

came up with the line (title) wen i wanted to comment on:

Brand Factory

nice blogs he's got there...

Disclaimer: no this is not a promotion, i do not know this guy apart from following his blogs...;P

The Beard, the pale fair skin, the foreign sound to the Hindi...the FEAR...

There enters a man with a slight, grizzly beard and a dull fair skin, slightly colored (that is a very Indian way of saying not the usual black/brown colored) eyes and you instantly recognize the unmistakably Islamic look about him.

He is in formals with his work laptop slung down his shoulder and shiny shoes intact with the regular - office going joey look on. But he is on the phone and is talking in what sounds like a varied form of Hindi or, is it, wait a second now, Urdu/Arabic? Now the nagging something at the back of the minds of the post 26/11 Indian bus crowd starts to manifest into an inexplicable, obviously biased fear. IS HE...?! CUD HE BE ONE OF THEM?! You try to avert your eyes. But you do not succeed in dragging your minds away as you did your eyes. After a lot of determined efforts, you control your mind enough to just let your eyes dart back to him “occasionally” on their way to “spotting/recognizing/processing and transmitting some other visual stimuli to your brain". But the mind goes on. If you are generally not the paranoid kind it starts to lose its fear/seriousness after you have gotten comfortable with the sight of him being “harmlessly” there and it sort of becomes a joke thinking up possibilities of how “he would blow the bus up or you point your finger at the “terrorist-in-the-regular-joey-disguise” and goof up when he turns out to be a normal citizen after all. And then you proceed to laugh at the extremely hilarious Russel Peters joke that ends with the buster line “I am just listening to my instructions” with every minute detail of the expressions he accompanies the line with that adds a whole new dimension of laughter to it.

Hmm... Weird mind and its weird jokes... And oh ya, the weird and hilarious Russel Peters... ;P

PS:  I am completely aware of the fact that not many people reading this blog might agree with the line of thoughts described here but well I just had to imagine... Please no offense, my islamic/pro islamic friends.  I am not "Islamo-phobic".  I was in fact educated in a Islamic institution and am very grateful to the community for the awesome food they provided me with then and the great set of friends not just in that school but otherwise too who I am still in contact with.  This is merely a sarcastic note to all those people I have met who seem to be completely biased and even sometimes violently irrational when they need to judge a person especially when it comes to islam.

Note:  Guys I wrote this one like ages back - of course post 26/11 would have conveyed it - but was just clearing up my blogs and saw this one was still a draft.  Then said y not?  

Stranger in My Native Land...

Stranger in my native land...
Alien to the society that forms most of my country...
Scared among my own sibblings...
  -  To live and let live...

Am I a native, Am I foreign?


I wear strange clothes...
I speak a different tongue...
I live a different life...
I am completely different

To those people whose sweat mixes in my soil...
To the people that plough on, their lives on it...
To the people that float on its floods...
To the people that survive its drought...
To the people that starve in its famine...
To the people that struggle to be...
To the people that are - my country...


I am kind if I give them a seat...
I am generous if I share my food with them...
I am down to earth if I exchange niceties...
I am envied for what I am...

                       A foreigner in my own land...

I am pretty if I don't share their skin tone...
I am progressive if I defy their traditions...
I am independent if I am selfish about my dreams,
          which I build on their support and exclude any credit to them...
I am looked up to - if I am foreign...

I am  frightened to mingle with them...
I depise this struggle for life...
I pity their state of affairs...
I am disgusted at their very standard of life...
But Oh!, I am gentle when I "tolerate" it all for a while...



I pride in rattling along in their compartment
I find adventure in brushing shoulders with people like that....

Yes I am a national... But yes, I am foreign...

உன்னுடன் தோள்கள் உறசி உரையாடுவதில் பெருமை கொள்கிறேன்...
                                                  நான் எவ்வளவு பாகுபாடின்றி பழகுகிறேன்...
என் போல் ஒரு நிலையுள்ளவள் உன்னுடன் பழகுவதில்
                                    நீ வெகுளியாய் பெருமையில் புன்னைகைக்கிறாய்...
அந்தப் புன்னகை எனக்கு உண்மை உணர்த்தியது, நீ என் மண்ணின் மைந்தன்...
நான் வேற்று மண்ணிற்க்கு அடிமை...!!!
இதுவே இன்று எந்நாட்டின் இளைஞர் நிலை...


PS: Wrote it when returning to Bangalore from Hubli after a friend's wedding, on a Fast Passenger shuttle train between the two, courtesy a very thoughtful friend of mine.

There were throngs of people on the Reservation compartments (too!) that traveled clinging to each other and finding seats wherever possible for their two hour ride to a near by town.  The TTR, conveniently for them, checks performs his duty only after their station.  When asked about this, they said that they had tried all means from peaceful (bureaucratic) application processes to rallies and rages.  Nothing worked.  We did not get a chance to ask the TTR about this.  We concluded through "intelligent" discussions among the "literate" reservation passengers that it was probably not as simple as adding a couple more of 'unreserved' compartments, for may be after that station there might not be many 'unreserved' passengers taking the train.  Well, we were quite scared for our belongings and in one of those local stations when we could hear scuffles and a mob of people trying to solve some issue between a couple of guys, we were scared for our own safety too.  And then, naturally, one of us said, "enjoy the adventure, it's ok, when will we get to do something like this again"... The thrill of it gave me a jolt to reality... *SIGH*

Alternative Sexual Orientation...

"Do not argue for the sake of it... You do not know anything... Why do you support them so much, anyway?" asked my dad, losing his patience over my constant unrelenting argument that homosexuality is nothing but a very natural and common thing and in fact is even genetically oriented... I looked at him, looking at me with a slight scrutinizing look, hiding his worries and anxiety over what my answer was going to be, if at all I understood the question correctly - "in the actual sense of it"... I replied, quite 'straight' to his face: "Why dad?, are you worried I am a Lesbian?" and the little pause that I gave there was filled with my dad's interjection "ya may be, so....?", for which I answered quite truthfully, "Don worry dad, I am not", but swallowed the other half of the sentence, "not yet, for I do not even know what it truly means to be an heterosexual in the first place, if u know what I mean"... I could see a slight sigh of relief though I should say he really hid it well... I do not blame him, he was acting like any normal Indian, "father of a college going daughter". He would probably have "killed me for honor" if I had happened to be a lesbian, or may be he would have done the usual "kill-myself-n-may-be-even-kill-u Indian families sentiment" stunt. Anyway it wouldn't have been pleasant for sure. But one has to appreciate my dad, no "Indian dad" would be discussing such a 'taboo' thing with his daughter so openly. Yes I am lucky in that way, he is quite understanding and matured. But I was persistent and still am (I had started and stored the first part of this blog in a note pad about an year and a half ago), because I wanted my-Dad-like-people to understand that "it is NOT against the nature", striking out the very first line of their argument, the forerunner in all their banners and slogans...

Yes, thanks to the scientific community, things have come to light which have
been in darkness for a long while now, but mind you, have always "been"...
There's a saying in Tamil that goes "A cat closes its eyes and thinks the world's gone dark" (I know it is a poor translation, bear with it my Tamil friends)... It is so so true in this case; just because people have been blind or rather have chosen to be blind to it, as in many cases, does not mean that alternative sexual orientation doesn't exist.

First of all, it is a common phenomenon (is that the right word here?) in most animals.

Second, there have been genetic research results that say there are, certain genetic tendencies towards alternative sexual orientation of a person.

Third, it has been there for a long long time, may be not visible, or known much to the common folk, (at least in the Indian scenario) but it has been there...

One concern that parents express is that it may just become a trend, because of "westernization" or "modernization". A true concern. But if you are open enough to agree that this is nothing but a personal choice then, no need to worry anymore.

One more genuine concern, may be the only factual one, is that the possibility of acquiring a "Sexually Transmitted Disease" is quite high in the gay community. But once people are recognized, then the rate of "discreet" and hence "unsafe" sex should go down and hence the incidence of such diseases.

Another genuine concern is how do we distinguish a "relationship" from "attempts of violence". We have to learn from other countries where it has been legalized and try to improve if need be and implement such laws and methodologies.

PS:
The day I completed another 25% of this blog, Delhi High Court declared homosexuality of adults with mutual consent legal, and suggested constitutional amendment to Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code.

Do chk out (click on it if you've not noticed it's a link) the following article, it says a lot of things I wanted to discuss and more...
TOI July 03, 2009 Article: NO ROOM FOR PRUDES
Who Says Homosexuality Is Against Indian Culture? Certainly Not Our Ancient Texts
When gayness was out in open, not a matter of guilt,
Devdutt Pattanaik

People were looking at me with an amused and a mocking curiosity when I felt genuinely happy for the LGBT community upon hearing the news.

Wanted to add a lot of arguments and discussion son the subject but enough articles and such have been published since July 03 that I do not want to reiterate them. But whoever is reading this blog is welcome to post a commment and start an argument/discussion as you may choose to call it. I think it'll only broaden our individual perspectives.

Declaration: I being a heterosexual single, am completely aware of the difficulty, writing this blog will add, to the change in my status of "single-dom", an already difficult task ahead... ;P