Of course spoilers ahead so in case you care to watch this movie please do not read further.
This is a post I have had nagging the back of my mind for a while now since I watched the movie "Peranbu" a few months ago.
I was trying to find the right adjectives to express my criticism with, without descending to swearing and fuming.
The plot of the movie?
An estranged father tries to bond with and care for his teenage spastic child and discovers his love for her as well as, her, as a person, in the process.
That sounds great; certainly a recipe for a great movie to come. At least I thought so. Well, impress me they did!
They got so many things wrong and narrowed on possibly all the wrong things that they managed to create a disaster even out of such a plotline with potential to succeed (not referring box office collection here).
First of all: Estranged father not because of unfortunate circumstances but because he knew he had a spastic child and did not care enough for her or his marriage so he left them to suffer alone - oh wait - in his family home with his side of the family there to torment them in the usual Indian mom-in-law, daughter-in-law circumstances which he himself finds loathsome later on in the movie when he faces it first hand even though he has the son privileges.
So why is there the “Oh I am so lonely, and lost, and a victim” attitude being potrayed for the father character coming from, I do not understand.
The man left his family. And with full knowledge of his actions and an outline of the consequences if not more. He made sure to send money, oh yes. Fine whatever but his coming back and trying to repair damage means he needs to buck up and face it. Like a man, as they remind us from time to time in the movie.
“Oh, he is a man, how will he manage to bring up a teengaed spastic daughter with special needs”? Wait a second! Spastic aside even otherwise that is a tough task. Do you mean to tell the parents of the world that it would be a breeze if only it had been a spastic son? Or a ‘normal’ child? Or if he had his wife with him?
I can only see the narrow-mindedness of the people who wrote and made this movie in every aspect!
1) Bringing up a child responsibly and with love (irrespective of the gender of the child) is tough and an everyday battle - every parent out there can attest.
2) If you are a single parent it is even harder - irrespective of the gender of the child.
3) If you are a single parent and have the child of the opposite gender then yes, hands down is going to be even tougher.
4) Owing to social constructs and the average narrow mentality present around a male caregiver and a female child, even if it were her own father with no malicious intent, it is tough when, that said child, reaches puberty and upwards.
5) Every child when growing up goes through puberty, adolescence, hormones and self discovery. Irrespective of the gender of the child. Irrespective of whether the parent(s) are together caring for the said child.
6) In Indian society, mostly, parents find this phase awkward and avoid any discussion let alone educational and supportive.
7) Once a child, grows into its teens and has "needs" - that they so tout in the movie as they they are teaching the public that these things exist - they will inevitably find channels to express and satisfy those needs unless "chastened" into discipline through the various channels employed across the world - religion, taboo, guilt, terror, superstition and the rest - unless they are educated into expressing themselves safely and their general focus and energies diverted into other things (hobbies, activities and what not) which a lot of Indian families do with all the extra curricular activities and/or the additional tuition taken for competing on various exams that happen to coincide around the time they usually start this hormonal journey.
Sorry, I digressed. Point is, this is normal for every child, spastic or "normal", boy or girl, single parented or otherwise.
I am picking up this draft again at this point after another few months have passed and still can understand why I was in so much rage when I saw the movie!
To continue...
They are trying to convey that even special needs children have their normal hormonal journey and we need to acknowledge and guide them through it. Noble enough as it sounds the attitude portrayed while making the movie to convey this message is appalling.
This estranged father has come back not of his own realisation but only because his “wife” who he has not even visited in the last few years has decided to leave him and the child to go have her own life with another man.
And they label that wife in the wrong and call her act selfish and portray the husband as though he is generous when he accepts the fact that he was as much not a husband to her as he was not a father to the girl.
That’s not generosity my friend!
And then there are some specific things focussed on in this movie. How one night he tries to be a sport and tries to cajole his daughter’s playfulness out by performing various tricks and antics. Then they show him defeated and crying to create sympathy but sorry all it evokes is surprise that you would expect this in just a few hours of trying to be friendly!
And then there is his narrow mindedness in trying to keep his daughter away isolated and secluded with not an idea of trying to school or educate her or help in anyway except physically using a lady help or himself in the end.
And then he tries his home and hometown only to realise it’s not going to work in the society he lives in.
He moves to a town/city in the end and his idea of securing her better is to lock her up in a hotel room with food and drink and tv and go out to earn money. Seriously?!
He then worries massively when he sees her go through a phase where she tries to kiss the tv screen to kiss her favourite actor like she has seen them do in the movies and videos she watches endlessly while he is out. He also finds the hotel service men starting to take advantage of her innocence and need for social contact and panics.
He puts her in an asylum-school for special needs children based on someone’s advice only to realise that they use physical abuse to discipline them.
While all this is on he befriends a transgender lady only to misunderstand the care and affection she shows.
Then he tackles the issue of his daughter’s increasing sexual needs head on and goes in search of social welfare organisations and pleasure centres to fetch a Male prostitute that he could engage for his daughter’s sake! That is the “epitome of love” that they mean in the title of this movie! What nonsense. As the social welfare rightfully slaps the man that is what the director’s attitude needs too! She is a 14 year old little girl with special needs, no schooling, no parenting, no friends and no society to speak of! How does he intend to ensure that the Male prostitute will not take advantage of her, will show her healthy love and respect and will treat her right? How will he ensure his daughter enjoys it? How does he even know she wants that? Where and how would he find consent! And her age means it’s rape and illegal!!! I mean she wanted to kiss an actor and discovered how to pleasure herself! NOT THE SAME THING AS WANTING TO ENJOY TIME WITH A MALE PROSTITUTE! And she is 14!!! what is wrong with you guys?
He tries to do his research and finds out that all such children have needs and the parents or helpers or other significant people in their lives help them even in the front of satisfying their pleasures almost as routinely as giving them a bath-just a chore and they both know it. He can’t handle anyway so he goes to his now separated wife who he realises is the wife of another man and mother to a brand new “normal” baby who wants nothing to do with him or his spastic daughter anymore.
After this extreme awkwardness he gets his daughter the school uniform that she so covets to take her to a beach where he intends to quietly murder her by drowning her in the middle of the night while he himself commits suicide convincing himself that this is the only option left. Here we see the shade of the same man who left his family away only sending money from overseas. The same escapism. The same attitude with shunning responsibilities. Incompetence and defeat of a man being portrayed as an object of sympathy! What a load of rubbish!
There are so many things that are wrong in all these things. Would be such an idiot to just go get your daughter in the care of an asylum without understanding the terms? Would you be so naive as to even think you could leave her locked up. One thing that strikes me though is - is this a reality I am unaware of? Is this a reality that people live everyday when they do not have the education or awareness? In that case may be I can acknowledge some of those things as plausible. But I can’t imagine that reality and that is where the movie fails for me or I fail to grasp it.
Then there is the transgender friend who obviously rescues them, gives him a new life and meaning by becoming his wife and willingly caring for the child as though her own and we see him reaching at his work desk while his “wife” takes the onus! So all he needed from beginning to end was a wife who would work her back off to care for him and his special needs child while he could escape the reality into a man’s job everyday!
How come no one in the movie set saw the faults!!? And the part where the daughter pleasures herself. It’s great that a Tamil movie is bold enough to show something like this. But with the previous scenes showing the limits of her hand coordination and the neglect portrayed his her long uncut and dirty finger I shudder to think what mutilation rather than pleasure she would have effected on herself if this character was not fictional!
For dealing with a difficult subject well done.
For attempting to convey a social message well done.
For the message itself - think hard and rephrase!
For the characters attitude and mindset - really?
For the movie as a whole - I am sad that so many people supported it let alone celebrated it.
We need to think things through as a society and just because someone deals with a difficult subject does not mean it is automatically laudable!
Peranbu is definitely not the kind of Anbu I want in my life or anyone’s I know. This is what is wrong with all the abusive and hateful relationships that we see around us!
Love as the intention does not excuse the faults in the expression of it!!