Punishment

I wanted the punishment.  I was upset about the punishment and wondered what it wud be like going through it but I was even more upset about having lost the precious little thing.  And it was not the first time I had lost similarly nor the punishment period.  Which invigorated me even more.  This time it has to be the final time.  So the punishment had to be equally severe and long so I will remember it enough to not lose again.

He was even more sad.  That I was punishing myself and he needs to just stand by and watch or even assist in the punishment by not letting me out of it.  I had begged and cried that he wud just stand by mute and watching while I go through it.

He was restless.  Every once in a while he wud try to bring up the conversation about 'enough' and try to slip me a relief. Sometimes he wud tempt me with one and test me.  After almost relishing the relief I wud quietly slip back into my resolve and go back to what I felt I needed.  May be for just some more time I wud tell myself when I really get tempted by his offers.

Then the day and the opportunity came... He had had enough.  He wanted me to shed my celibacy and have some fun.  He knew I liked what I was restraining myself from.  Once I forgot, got carried away with distraction and lost it.  Ok many times... So what life is short.  Yes he was angry too the last time.  After all it was quite something that I had lost.  But how long this state of isolation?

So when he got the replacements, it was surplus and he had a good reason to not carry it around with him now as he used to.  So he preferred the other and forced me to take this.  This time it was easier for him to convince me.  May be I was weak.  May be I had had enough.  May be it looked too beautiful to resist.  And the promise it had even as I gazed at it.

I knew this time I wud be more careful.  May be I wud guard it too much.  

So hesitantly I put on this white and new design of a earphones that he gave me.  Took a deep breath and pressed clicked on play without going to the music app.  I js wanted to feel the rush of whatever it played... After all it was after so long...

Rahman's one of the most simple and beautiful composition played through --- maanooththu mandaiyila maangutti petha maiyile --- it filled me up... as the song filled my heart through my ears!!!

The wonderful voice and almost acting modulation sand emote of SPB brought a smile and I did not care that I was in the bus.

It was worth it! And thank you Suresh for tempting me to take it.  It was worth the sinful way my heart rejoiced in the song!!! 

P.S.  I couldn't help the exaggeration. :P Been long since took to the pen so forgive me... ;)