I can't believe I'm still the kid.
Dreamy... wandering... not a care in the world...
One minute I want to be here, another I want to fly away.
One minute I want to sing my heart out and another I want to dance to death.
One minute I want to do my PhD and another I want to do charity.
What do I want to do in life...? What do I want from me... me, myself...?!
One minute I want to live every moment and another I want to end it all.
What am I gonna do with a self like me... Will I ever be of use to anybody at all...?!
Am I just another bunch of waste waiting to be degraded by the forces of nature...? How do I want it to happen, all of a sudden...?
This wait is too much for me to take... I want to drown myself but am already deep into the sea of my own confusion...
Oh this wait is too much for to take... I'm not able to make a conscious decision... Not one, not one, not one and I tell you this is not fun...
Now I know how it would feel to be, this shit lying on the road... watching up at the sun, pleading to the wind...
"Rot me, rot me, rot me more,... But rot me in no time, so that I can just not be... not be at all....."
Oh I've reached this dead end of my soul.... Been running around too much in this huge never ending maze of ambiguity...
Every alley and every turn is all because I could not say a strong NO...
Every corner and every new path is because I could not make a Simple Decision...
All this haze and blur that fills in here, is because I did not listen to the silent but constant voice that warns me before I do something stupid.....