Oh get lost! But take my love with you! when you walk all over me and leave me on the floor I hate you from my heart, from inside my soul. All that anger flowing and drowning me foul. And that's when I lose it and let you go through the door Oh go to hell! And there trotts my heart, with a wagging tail... That's when I decide to drown deeper but with my heart gone... And the burden of my love for you following you out... Leaves me so light that I float back right up... The bouyancy of this ironic life... And again my zombie mind shouts...
Oh get lost! And still there goes...my life and love with you...!
She always felt like she has known her for a long time. . . There was something about the look in her daughter's eyes like she knew her mother too well for her age or time would have permitted her to know. The serene smile, yet, so innocent as it was worn on the little face. . .
The skin so soft. The soft silky brown hair undecidedly folding into curls at the ends. The little hands and feet. The milky fragrance of her little body. Even when the baby cried relentlessly in the nights during their initial days together, she did not get irritated. If she was tired, the minute she lifted her daughter, she was grateful for the warmth and comfort the little body offered her. Her daughter was the most beautiful thing she had ever looked at, ever held.
The little crinkles near the beautiful brown eyes. . . And those eyes. That sometimes, soothed her... Sometimes disturbed her. . . It was colour she knew only too well. She had not thought about it clearly for a long time though it used to nag her mildly, constantly. Every time she looked at her beloved child, she would invariably get hooked to the eyes.
Then it came to her one day. When she was going through her school photographs. But it couldn't be. It may not really be for it was not distinctly that shade of dark brown. It was like a somehow more feminine version of the same eyes. But it could just not be.
Everytime she thought about it, she became uncomfortable. For her general wondering grew into a disturbing curiosity. Then it drew her imaginative mind's interest far more deeply. And before she could stop herself, she even started hoping that it was true. . . That is when she had to stop herself. She did not want to disturb her calm, peaceful, in fact beautiful but a little lonely life. Stop. What was she thinking. This is why she had to stop. She wasn't Lonely. She had her daughter. This is what she had chosen.
She had the perfect life, she told herself. An independent and interesting career. A cozy little house for herself. She is making enough money to support herself and her beautiful little daughter and still saving for her only daughter's future. . .
She did not have an unhappy committment - nothing that would affect her comfortable existence. Her daughter was her world. Her family had not spoken one word to her after her decision and she was not too worried. Time heals everything. She has supported her baby all alone for 2 years now. . . She was sure she can do it all her life. . .
She had her best friend to support her at hard times... No. . . No, she would do even without him. Or would she? Please, no not again. . . Those eyes. They always set her thoughts going like this which is why she was always wary of them though she loved them, especially for their familiarity for she could quietly build an imagination too good to be true. . . Wait... What is this. . . Stop. . .
She looked at her baby sleeping - the angel, the saviour, the joy. . . She soothed herself that it could not be so... She was fine. . . Everything around her was fine. . . And then the door bell rang. It was time for his visit. . . She loved to see the adorable smile that spread on her daughter's face every time she saw him. . . Much like her own happy heart at the wonderful company. . . But she feared the day when she would ask about her father and the day she may even mistake him for, if only it were true. . . Stop. . .
She shook her thoughts away to go back to her life, the way it was. . . Happy but a little lonely. . . She had to admit. . . Except for these visits. . . She might very well admit it to herself. . . Herself alone. . .
My eyelids close, my heartbeat slows . . .
I feel myself in rhythm with the silence around me . . .
It takes me high, stoops me low
I now not where I am, nor where I was ,
let alone where I should be
For I know not who I am, nor what!
Deafening silence bellows into my eardrums,
I keep my pace and lower my face
Burying myself into the deepest of crevices I find inside my darkened soul . . .
I see but there's no light and I see that there's no light
For darkened is this tunnel, this tunnel of void . . .
Moving through the fog and mist,
My body growing numb with cold . . .
Cold sweat breaks down my spine
And I find myself abandoned . . .
Naked fear my only wrapping . .
I see your face dawning close to mine
Like beckoning into more of pain
More of agony, sweet!!
And there I groan my last wish
Whisper my last kiss into your sinful lips. . .
My illusion . . .!!
And it all fades into more darkness
Irony, there was no light to begin with . . .!!!
Don't keep me too happy, 'Coz I won't stay long then. . .
A soul that seeks the pleasures of sadness that seeks the little points of light that leak in the crevices of darkness
I won't stay long around happiness. . .
Blessed with the curse of gloom and melancholy, The joy of pity and the grace of sorrow, The pride of shame and suffering insult -
Keep my sparce soul drugged. . . So I won't stay long around happiness. . .
Thoughts of bitterness and memories of disgust Keep me alive and remind me of my existence
N I won't stay long around happiness. . .
So don't try my love, to give me the joy of your heart. . . Don't try my love, to keep me drunk - drunk on your innocent love's insistance on laughter and sweetness For I won't stay drunk for long my love... I won't stick around happiness for long...
Let go of me I tell you, For all I would do is hurt you and hurt myself in the process For I am drugged on sorrow my love
Clinging to the sheer pain of life I draw you near to my weeping heart Make you go through all that turmoil For that is all I can hear in my head in the eternal silence of life
I live in a world of grey where you are pricked and poked in different levels of pain just so you would know that you are...
Which is why I tell you
I won't stay long around happiness...
For I am a soul that seeks the infinite bliss of killing one's own soul just so as to say "C you are alive"...! - the ecstacy of slow death, a privilege of the mortals. . .
Your knees pressing hard against my ribcage Your strong hands suffocating me more with each breath I take
I’m blacking out, I’m seeing stars, Losing my senses and fading fast
Present tense a pretense, the darkness of my past, Moving like shadows cast, in the night…
You change your mind, release a bit, the rush of air, disorienting me more,
You relent your grip, I try to get up and trip, face down…
You turn me on my back, run your fingers across my neck, resting your knees on my chest again…
I do not have the strength to be scared, nor the sense to surrender
I take rattling breaths, battling to stay alive, to feel you against me for some more time
Your silken fingers with their roughened skin, gracefully wrap around my Jugular again…
I snuggle closer to you, you respond with a harder press of your knees on my chest…
I put my shivering hand, cold, around your waist, Your body hot from the exertion…
You place a delicious kiss on my charred lips, dry from the silent exhaution, making me long for more
You lovingly wipe my forehead, my panic sweat, making me yearn for more of that comfort…
I mutter and sputter, you lean in close, to listen to my death wish
I pull you close to me, my last remaining ounce (of energy) exerted, your hot breath on my face, moving a strand of stray hair, disheveled by my struggle.
Your grip not strong enough by the distraction now, I take that (the) chance to crane my neck to reach higher I catch your lips with mine and you grant me my parting gift
And at that moment, in your eyes, I saw my imminent death…
I felt love, in your last strangle at my throat, Your beautiful face was the last thing inhaled… While your sensuous, lingering kiss, leveraged me into a final orgasm - Death…
If tat is wat u really want I'll let u go...babey
But only if tat is wat u really want...
U gotta tell me tat face to face...
I know its difficult but do it, else am not lving u...
there's always the benefit of a doubt u c...
don wan it to be all coz of me...
I don wan this to end... o babey...
I wan it al,l even more, till the end...
so if tat is wat u really want i'll let u go... babey
But only if tat is wat u really wan...
u gotta make me believe that this is all over,
for every time u look into my eyes, I still get bowled over...
u gotta shake me out of this love babey,
for i am falling deeper and deeper into ur gravity...
and tat is y I insist, u gotta tell me tat face to face...
I know its difficult but do it else am not lving u...
I dunno wat went wrong and where ur faith's gone
for i always thought, to each other, we so belong...
I donot understand all this negativity that has come to be
Oh! look at me, we are still the same, one body, the other soul...
Wat has ruined the love we shared, oh trust me, nothing's gone bad...
We can still mend, time on it we can spend...
please don pretend u don feel our hrts beating together even now, it's telling u not to do this...
but lemme tell u something, unless u tell me tat on my face am not leaving u...
unless tat is wat u really want, and u temme tat face to face
and even in tat case, u know, babey, am not believing u...
so I willl never leave you... unless tat is wat u really wan...
Don ask me how to prove... Trust me, I wud know if tat was so...
கடல் காற்றைக் கொள்வது போல், நான் உன்னைக் கொண்டேன்...
அலையாய் எழ, உன்னைத் தழுவி என்னுள் விழ...
Like the sea takes to the wind, I take to you...
To raise as waves, to embrace you and fall, back into me...
மணல் நீரைக் கொள்வது போல், நான் உன்னைக் கொண்டேன்...
பண்பட, பருவப்பட, உன்னைத் தழுவி உருதியடைந்திட...
Like the sand takes to water, I take to you...
To harden, mature, to embrace you and strengthen...
வானம் வண்ணம் கொள்வது போல், நான் உன்னைக் கொண்டேன்...
நீ என்னில் படர்ந்திட, உன்னைத் தழுவி, நான் உன்னில் கரைந்திட (நான் நீயாய் மாறிட/ உனக்கொரு ஊடகமாய் அமைந்திட)...
Like the sky takes to colours, I take to you...
For you to disperse in me, to embrace you, to become your medium for you to show...
தீக் காற்றைக் கொள்வது போல், நான் உன்னைக் கொண்டேன்...
சுகமாய் எரிந்திட, உன்னைத் தழுவி, நான் என்னை அழித்திட...
Like the fire takes to the air, I take to you...
To burn warmly, to embrace you and be destroyed...
மண் மழையைக் கொள்வது போல், நான் உன்னைக் கொண்டேன்...
உன்னை என்னுள் பருகிட, உன்னைத் தழுவி, நான் உயிர்த்திட, உயிர் கொடுத்திட...
Like the earth takes to the rain, I take to you...
To drink you into me, to embrace you and come alive, to give life...
மனம் எண்ணம் கொள்வதுப் போல், நான் உன்னைக் கொண்டேன்...
நீ என்னுள் இருப்பதாலே, நான் என்னை உணர்ந்திட, என்னுள்ளிருந்து நீ என்னை அரித்திட (அறித்திட)...
Like the mind takes to thoughts, I take to you...
For you are in me, I realize myself, Eroding, Itching me from within...
உடல் சுவாசம் கொள்வதுப் போல், நான் உன்னைக் கொண்டேன்...
நீ என்னுள் கரைந்திட, உன்னைத் தழுவி, நான் உயிர்த் தாங்கிட, (நடத்திட)...
நீ இன்றி, நான் மடிந்திட...
Like the body takes to breathing (respiration), I take to you...
For you to dissolve in me... To embrace you and come to life... For without you, I die, I will not 'be'...
PS: Inspiration as I always say, is such a weird thing. I was On the run again today morning and sat by a window and let the strong wind make my hair go wild. As I did this, I was reminded of how crazy one of my closest friends was about "wind" ... And she being a cancerian, a water sign, loves the "wind"... that is how the first two lines come out and I stopped with the translation for it... But you know how it works... Sometimes it just goes on and on and I was furiously scribbling in a notebook in the bus that was giving me a good fight to keep my balance and write... With all these words buzzing I couldn't care about the inconvenience of the bus nor the few stares I was getting. Early morning, with my hair all wild, furiously scribbling in a notebook... Don't blame them... :)
I donno how the moon looks in ur sky...
But oh babey, its so beautiful here tonight...
Not too small a crescent to go unnoticed...
Not too big, but light, golden and just about right...
For the romantic hearts and the living souls...
For all with eyes and the interest to admire...
For all those blind but well, the description they can hear...
I donno how the moon looks in ur sky...
But oh babey, its so beautiful here tonight...
Longing, for all those who are lonely, soars right up above the roof,
For the moon brings the memories and yearnings in a full whoof...
Let there be love and lust and desire in the air...
Let us bow to the nature and its magic...
I am an enchanted soul, entrapped in the music of it all...
in the beautiful golden crescent, and a single star...
I dunno how the moon looks in ur sky...
But oh babey, its so beautiful here tonight...
As I gaze into your eyes...
Sometimes a deep blue ocean...
Sometimes the clear green sea...
Sometimes a sunlit drop of honey...
Sometimes the gray of pure water...
Sometimes the black of the night...
Sometimes the blackish brown of the woods...
Changing, according to my mood and need in the dream...
As I gaze into your eyes...
I touch the thousand stars I watch with you by my side, all night, in my dreams...
I am at all those exotic places, at once, that I visit with you, in my dreams...
I feel the tingle of a cool warm breeze across our faces, in my dreams...
I hear the rustle of leaves as we walk through the wonderful woods, in my dreams...
I jostle against the tourist crowds in all those shopping malls we visit, in my dreams...
I remember how I warmed up to the slight tightening of your hold on me, protective against those crowds, in my dreams... And I warm up again...
I feel the soothing heal for the burning pain I had felt that day, when I had tried to hide it but you had found out, with no words exchanged, that day in my dream...
I blush again at how you made me blush with those words whispered softly into my ears, in front of the whole crowd of our folk, at our wedding dinner, in my dream...
I remember every word of the thousands of amazing meaningful conversations that we had. probably making sense only to the two of us, in my dreams...
I fall gradually once again, like I did that day, when you casually started kissing me and I couldn't help but fall for it, that day, the first kiss, in my dreams...
I spend a silent afternoon in your arms, like that day, on a swing and two cups of coffee... like that day in my dreams...
I hide in the shadows of the dark...
Slowly start to limp back to my graveyard...
For I know you felt me when I saw the slight shiver that went through you when you came too close... Similar to the hot blast I felt at my navel
When I heard the giggle and the slight snuggle, I died again...
For I know there's another soul that you are seeking...
To try and be happy, to be with, all your life, to live, to create beautiful memories...
And I cried there again for the ten thousandth time or may be more...
Silent sobs and loud dry tears... Wept like a wet sag squeezed to dry...
I know you can't see me, I know you can't hear me... I know you can't touch me...
But it is no different from when I was alive... Even then you did not do any of this.
Yes there is a feeble difference. THEN you DID NOT, NOW you CANNOT.
But strangely enough, now, you know when I am there, at least there's a physical reaction from your body.
I'm more visible now, after I am dead than I was when alive...
I know I am nothing but a haunting soul dying every minute of my whispy existence...
I know I am no more dead than the numb hours I spent looking out my window when you were happily whispering lines into HER ears.
But I know I have always been alive in those moments I watched you with nothing else to do with my life...
I was there, I am here. All the same. I was and still feel alive when I watch the sun play its rays on your strands of hair, sticking out unruly
when you bend down to whisper to Her.
Oh that day when my heart broke into shards, when I caught you in a corner, with your eyes full of love looking into hers...
When I saw those strong eyes melting and melting into those soft eyes of hers, on your strong handsome face...
That is when I died again... For that love was what I was craving for and it was right there in front of me, but no no, not for me.
That is when I lived the fullest, for I had seen that love in those eyes, that sight, my salvation.
Though not for me, it was there, as I had always imagined, may be more wonderful than in my dreams.
Well, I could accommodate a slight change, SHE was there instead of ME.
Funnily enough I never felt jealous of her.
Yes I died every time I saw you with her but that was mostly because my heart seemed to forget to beat when you were around...
Even more so when it realizes that you are not walking in my direction to meet me but to meet HER... another.
I am extremely sorry but I cannot help it. I will haunt you for ever. For here lies my heaven...
In those strong eyes... I am decent enough to let you live your life in the privacy you deserve.
But I will haunt you, in those moonlit nights you walk down alone, left to your own thoughts.
I will haunt you when you sleep alone, dreaming blissfully, just to look at you.
I will haunt you when you sing to yourself and smile, a romantic song, in practice to sing for that other lucky soul in your life.
I am content with watching you for the rest of my non existent life.
I am content with the slight shiver you feel when I brush a little too close, forgotten in those eyes.
That shiver indicating you felt me. That is enough. There lies my heaven. I choose to roam wild for this bliss.
I am no unfortunate soul, but a blessed one for I am eternally in love and I died when I was in love.
I am blessed for I died before I got options to confuse me
Before some guy comes to me and says "you are more visible to me than anything else in the world"... like you were for me...
Before somebody takes me for a partner for life out of sympathy or for some cunning reasons.
I am a blessed soul. I seek my heaven here. I will try to take care to not get too close to you too often.
I am sorry but I will haunt you.
For the people who know me well:No it is not about who you think it is about; sorry "you", the guy these ppl think it is abt.
So all of you, I am yes, the kind that would love someone so bad, but not yet... Will surely yell the name out when I do, so don't waste your energies assuming and/or speculating... :)
For those interested in a discussion abt this poem, please read the note below nd then go on and read the poem. For those without such patience/interest, well go ahead...
there she was carrying the heavy burden
the burden of a curse so severe that it caused -
a scar that ran through her mind;
a burn that seared her heart;
a pain that throbbed her whole body,
every minute of her existence;
she cud see everything in a view afar her own stand,
she cud talk abt anything in a neutral way - no influence,
she wud criticize everything fair n square...
the cynic - she was called
she initially enjoyed it - even though
her witty words wud sting the men away
her wise cracks fell like whip cracks - causing them all to keep a safe distance..
she was independent in her own way...
n needed a lot of space...
so all this only, suited her...
she walked every path without fear
she moved through the jungle with no one near
she traversed far n wide - alone
she held a passion; a fire...
that scorched the less passionate
some looked at her in awe...
some sulked away
some tried to belittle her
none of this affected her... for she was not only a woman of intensity but of free spirit...
she was a child, a girl, a fascinated creature...
in awe n admiration of everything dark and everything fair...
she read through people but opened up to a lot she found to be good.
she was blatantly honest... n expected the same from others…
she was tactlessly straightforward...
she was blunt with a tongue as sharp as a sword...
she was loyal to the last drop of blood and sensitive when someone qsnd this...
all this was well untill she fell...
fell for the first time in her life to the beautiful feeling, the force she had always imagined, lived with, wanted...
the feeling, the force that was so familiar to her but had never been truly hers...
wen she hurt n bruised her little soul, she realised, that this was just a hint of that force tht she had always wanted... jus a mirage...
n she was not relieved by this revelation... she was even more worried...
if a mirage cud do this... if jus a shadow cud do this...
wat abt the real force that she worshipped...
wat if the real force came on her n left like the shadow did...
will she bleed to death… or will she survive n suffer…
as she thought abt this, she grew used to the fear being a part of her for eternity…
then she evolved into a symbiont or more a host to the parasitic fear tat sucked out her soul slowly…
but she was a gaiety being… an incorrigible optimist… so she did not die…
she had enuf hope n hence enuf life left in her to feed the parasite n keep herself alive…
she survived and suffered. Suffering became nothing new.
The curse of imagination, fantasy and romanticism struck her again…
She grew from a gal to a lady in the process of becoming a woman…
She moved through various worlds and met a lot of people in her everlasting journeys.
Now again she felt the presence of the force she sought all her life.
The force that eluded her always… the force who’s intensity she knew cannot stand but wanted it all the same.,,
the shadow of that force’s shadow planted a kiss on her n she was still craving…
she had been craving for the force all her life with all her might… she was a faithful pupil, a faithful follower.
/* Now the fear took a new form… there she had another revelation. The curse was not jus the trio.
The curse was also that she was never going to find a host of that force she was seeking…
There was no soul man enuf to host the force in the intensity she sought…
bcoz her curse made her (not easily impressed/unimpressed) unimpressible (unimpressionable)…
The cynic could not be convinced so easily. The curse of her imagination had set high std’s.
She wanted the perfect host for the force… For THE force. For HER force…
So no soul that played host for the force was good enuf to become HERS.
But all the same…*/
She knew the force was irresistible… it was indestructible… invincible… n she(her soul)was ready to play a whore for it all her life… because she knew all too well that it wud not stay to be her husband but haunt her all the more…
She knew it was not something to be contained or constrained but to be let free… much like her free spirit will and desire…
But she was possessed; obsessed with the force so much that she knew she was her own victim…
she would seek the force in every creek… every day of the week…
/* every possibility of a host would be analyzed and she would be disappointed. */
She would die trying to belong to it and making it belong to her… coz she knew the force was insatiable much like her ravenous desire for the force… it would not remain… but she also knew she was much too good for the force to not return…
She would survive and suffer… everytime…
For she bore the scar… burnt in her hrt… ached all over her body… every minute of her existence…
For she was carrying the heavy burden of the curse; of imagination, of fantasy and romanticism…
She was a victim of her own desire…
She was the victim of and whore for the force… of her own free spirit… but the truth remains, that so is the force… she realized… even it has an insatiable hunger for her curse, that it came bk to haunt her… all her life…
NOTE:ok... here goes... first read the red colored lines... if u read again u'll notice that the styles n context varies between the lines before and after the underlined line in blue... tats wer i stopped the first day I started writing this poem (21st Sept)...
n now include the light green lines n read the poem again... I had tried to add them in between to minimize the difference between the two days' work... and now the logical conflict arises... initially i am only talking abt the force, but later am talking abt the host and then returning to the force... which doesn suit... well, if at all wat I am trying to explain here makes sense to u, u r welcome to discuss it... else, jus another blog... :)
PS: this is why I am generally not comfortable with stopping a poem half way one day and completing it on a later one.There's a change in the style and or context ranging in intensity from subtle to obvious... hmmpf... :-/
but the wind (read gmail) din bring a word from ma love...
she's there all alone all by herself....
and I am here amidst a bustling crowd, all by myself...
waiting for a word, a touch, a sweet kiss...
the parting was hard on both of us...
the world shifted on its plates...
but there was hope as the wind promised a medium...
for our souls to speak to each other...
for our hearts to listen to the beating out loud of each other's names...
for our hands to still feel the lingering hold wen we last walked together...
with that promise we parted... with tht hope we parted...
and now the wind has betrayed us... our souls are dying...
I will never forgive it for this...
but wat do I not understand, it keeps whispering something in my ear as I say this...
No, tht cannot be... No I know my love too well..
No she would not betray me...No I forbid you to talk abt her like tht to me...
No, I forbid thee, a liar to enter my nostrils...
I deny to live on a wind that betrayed me and put the blame on my love...
I love you darling and I am dying with the pride and honour of having loved and been loved by.. U...
Wrote this wen I had to mail a close friend who promised to mail me over the weekend and failed. I chose to keet the context but changed the roles... ;P
Funny, this thing called inspiration... ;P
On my bed, I lay awake at night, listening to the music of falling rain,
looking out at the beautiful view stretching before me and feeling the chilling wind... Thinking about the things that could be, if I were there near you... The smile that spreads on my lips, the blush that flows to my cheeks... The tenderness in me, unknown before, comes out to show me the woman I am The thoughts that give me the rush, it is you that my heart seeks...
The rough and tough, that tomboy is mellowing and mushing... O' look at what I am... Never have I known I could be so... Not seen ever the layer below... Hidden to my own soul it was... Aroused by the simple thought of you... Delicate was never me... Gentle unheard of before... Feminine afar me... Emotions always set ashore...
The tingling that runs from head to toe... The inkling of a woman yet to show...
I bite my lips and stop my smile for I am a fool in love with love... The songs of love and romance and dreams are by heart to me..............................................
Another incomplete piece I wrote, around the time I wrote the previous 2 entries...
தன்னில் உருகும் தனிமையில் உருகும்
இந்தப் பெண்ணின் மனமும் ஒரு பண்ணில் உருகும்
தனக்கென துணையொன்று வரும் தருணத்தை நோக்கி
கண்ணில் கனவின் கனம் கண்ணீர்ப்பெருக்கும்
விண்ணில் நிலவும் மண்ணில் விழும் மழையும்
என் என்னை நனைக்கும் பல எண்ணங்கள் கொடுக்கும்
Just giving a try on my tamil blogging... This is something I wrote long back n that too incomplete... Hoping to blog more in tamil... Wish me luck... ;P
Hey sav, u had asked me to transliterate and thought ya so many of my tamil poem fans (lol!!) who do not know to read tamil script, will actually be benefited... ;P
I am a grieving widow... Or am I a case of unrequited love? Had desired you with the utmost lust... Had loved you in my deepest core... Had fantasized 'us' in every dream... Had lived with you, in you, thrived on you...
But you slipped right through my fingers... Standing in front of me, kindling the fire in me, pushing everything else out of my mind...It was just you... Consuming me whole, my every thought... But then you melted into invisibility... All those crazy years of love and lust, flew away as flecks of dust... Without a physical trace, you left me..Standing there with nothing but your memories.
My desire, love and lust for you intensified a thousand fold... Killing me from the inside...
Standing there... Stamped with hurt and injury, sore and tired, with your imprints all over me...
Imprints of your having been inside me... Having possessed me... Having burned me..:
With just the idea of you, of us...
I am wasted away now... Incapable of having any other to take your place...
Empty...Burning...Jealous...Angry...On all those who have an equivalent of you-for-me
I hate you...I hate myself...I hate the world...
I hate the 'GOD/power of Nature/My incapacity to retain you',call what you want,that mocks me with your thoughts and memories...
Thoughts of 'what could have been' if we were let to be 'us'...
I still remember the warmth that flooded me when you were inside me...The throb that
seared at the challenge of having you...
The wonder that used to spread when I used to think I am soon going to be with you...
for real...Not just in my thoughts or dreams...
And right when you showed up in full virility... Right at that moment, I knew, you and I could actually, finally, be us... Right at that moment, I knew that I am going to savour every bit of time spent with you...
Every little bit OF YOU...
Right at that moment...You vanished...Just like that...
All my struggles to even nurse your thoughts,
All my struggles to get to that first and final glimpse of you, asserting my dreams of A YOU and ME true,
Breaking without a sound into shards of ten thousand, tidal waves of bubbles that
did not hurt me physically but left me in awe of the magnificient cruelty...
Left me dumbfound...Tied and Rigid... Inaction took over...
Now I am a zombie...Incapable...Invalid...
May be I was the one responsible for the whole evil...That teeny tiny nag of a doubt acted the satan, the serpent, the wonder of a creature of sin, of dark awe...
In this case not sinning by letting us unite...But just the contrary... Putting between us, a distance infinite..... Unreachable.....
For Ever... For Ever...
Dedicated to my lost love, my lost dream, now buried for ever...