Friday, October 30, 2009

A rhyme or jingle?!!

still blue...
a sad hue
donno wat to do
no no ... no clue

a dull view
all rue
don know who to sue
life's a long queue
sometime's u have to subdue
for u have to pay ur due

wait now
i gotta go to the loo ;P

bk to take it from the cue
ma handwriting, pls don mind, is a wretched skew

oh don put on a face like u've got the flu
now lets be happy for a while and mew

la la lallalla
la la lallalla
la la lallalla
la la laa lal laa lal laa

phew!!!

PS: lol.... just wrote it wen I asked a frnd "still blue?"... ;P ;P  I know its silly but tht is the point, isn't it? ;P
And if anyone's interested you could clarify ma doubt xpressed in the title... :) I donno how one can mew a la la la... well it rhymes... :) ;)

Thursday, October 29, 2009

நான் உன்னைக் கொண்டேன்... I take to you...

கடல் காற்றைக்  கொள்வது போல், நான் உன்னைக் கொண்டேன்...
அலையாய் எழ, உன்னைத் தழுவி என்னுள் விழ...

Like the sea takes to the wind, I take to you...
To raise as waves, to embrace you and fall, back into me...

மணல் நீரைக் கொள்வது போல், நான்  உன்னைக் கொண்டேன்...
பண்பட, பருவப்பட,  உன்னைத் தழுவி உருதியடைந்திட...

Like the sand takes to water, I take to you...
To harden, mature, to embrace you and strengthen...

வானம் வண்ணம் கொள்வது போல், நான்  உன்னைக் கொண்டேன்...
நீ என்னில் படர்ந்திட,  உன்னைத் தழுவி, நான் உன்னில் கரைந்திட (நான் நீயாய் மாறிட/ உனக்கொரு ஊடகமாய் அமைந்திட)...

Like the sky takes to colours, I take to you...
For you to disperse in me, to embrace you, to become your medium for you to show...

தீக் காற்றைக் கொள்வது போல்,  நான்  உன்னைக் கொண்டேன்...
சுகமாய் எரிந்திட,  உன்னைத் தழுவி, நான் என்னை அழித்திட...

Like the fire takes to the air, I take to you...
To burn warmly, to embrace you and be destroyed...

மண் மழையைக் கொள்வது போல், நான்  உன்னைக் கொண்டேன்...
உன்னை என்னுள் பருகிட, உன்னைத் தழுவி, நான் உயிர்த்திட, உயிர் கொடுத்திட...

Like the earth takes to the rain, I take to you...
To drink you into me, to embrace you and come alive, to give life...

மனம் எண்ணம் கொள்வதுப் போல், நான்  உன்னைக் கொண்டேன்...
நீ என்னுள் இருப்பதாலே, நான் என்னை உணர்ந்திட, என்னுள்ளிருந்து நீ என்னை அரித்திட (அறித்திட)...

Like the mind takes to thoughts, I take to you...
For you are in me, I realize myself, Eroding, Itching me from within...

உடல் சுவாசம் கொள்வதுப் போல், நான்  உன்னைக் கொண்டேன்...
நீ என்னுள் கரைந்திட, உன்னைத் தழுவி, நான் உயிர்த் தாங்கிட, (நடத்திட)...
                                                                                             நீ இன்றி, நான் மடிந்திட...

Like the body takes to breathing (respiration), I take to you...
For you to dissolve in me... To embrace you and come to life... For without you, I die, I will not 'be'...

PS: Inspiration as I always say, is such a weird thing.  I was On the run again today morning and sat by a window and let the strong wind make my hair go wild.  As I did this, I was reminded of how crazy one of my closest friends was about "wind" ... And she being a cancerian, a water sign, loves the "wind"... that is how the first two lines come out and I stopped with the translation for it... But you know how it works... Sometimes it just goes on and on and I was furiously scribbling in a notebook in the bus that was giving me a good fight to keep my balance and write... With all these words buzzing I couldn't care about the inconvenience of the bus nor the few stares I was getting.  Early morning, with my hair all wild, furiously scribbling in a notebook... Don't blame them... :)

Someday... Not far away...

I live like a hopeful spinster...
Looking forward to that true love...

Someday... May be I'll find it...
Somewhere on my way to life...
Someday... Not far away...

Not that I am too old yet...
Nor too bad at heart not to be loved...

But yes, old, for I was smitten by love from very young...
Yes, not too good at heart for I have not accommodated love from anyone till now...

So... Here I live like a hopeful spinster...
Looking forward to that true love...

Someday... Not far away...

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Crazy...?!

Situations:

1) A girl was traveling alone in a bus, looking at her palm and smiling to herself or laughing out...

2) A man was whispering about to himself among the crowd in a busy street...

3) A sudden loud beeping in a crowded bus stop... Everyone starts looking among their own things...

4) A lady drops something valuable from her bag by mistake and still without a care in the world goes and picks it up and walks off....


Reactions and Conclusions :

About twenty yrs ago:

1) The girl is crazy and people stare at her or think she is in love and still stare at her...

2) The man is bound to be crazy, no other option and people keep their distance...

3) There is a bomb scare...

4) She must be careless, irresponsible, probably filthy rich etc etc...

Now:

1) Nobody bothers to stare... They simply check out her fone if at all too curious...

2) They don even bother to look, everybody's talking with their earphones on, which are becoming more and more invisible.

3) All of them are checking their phones...

4) She must be having a sturdy Nokia phone...

Just a few sample imaginary situations pertaining to mobile phone usage... I'm sure there are a lot of such things if we think about it...

Like I care...!

I don really care what you think of me...
I know I am a bit queer...
but it feels so good (OR for the excitement's so sheer)
that I have no fear...

I know I am a bit weird,
For the background in which I was reared...
I give it to you yes, its true,
But sorry, I really don't care what you think of me...

I love it so much in here
I feel like I belong...
Never have I felt so before,
Relieved, finally swept ashore...

I know am a bit weird...

I feel it in the air,
and the urge is hard to resist,
the minute I see you frown,
I wanna do it even more...

I close my eyes a second,
take it all in my head...
My heart feels lighter then
And I do it more and worse (read: better)...

I know am a bit weird...

I lose myself in your hatred...
For I ploughed on in life earlier,
struggling to keep up with you and be true to myself too
No, it did not work that way... I couldn't handle both...

No its not done, I said to myself...
And then I came to the crossroads, took this path I'm on...
Took your silent curses and whispers of blame...
I can take it all no problem,
For the look of envy in your eyes gives the strength...

And that is why I laugh, shrug and walk on...
Give you a wink and a smirk, I can yes go on...

I know I am a bit too weird...
I know I am a bit too queer...
Ha ha ha ha ha...
La la lallalla.....


PS: For the background in which I was reared... ::: Like a sheep or something, lol

and I have a doubt, if someone can help, wud b gr8... Is what you think OF me used in the same sense as What u think ABOUT me, as in, an opinion? Is it correct?

A bit of Science (Fiction?!)... :) :)

Well, I was looking out the window of the BMTC bus I had boarded in the morning... just for say 5 mins or so... taking a break from reading this really interesting book, "Next" by Michael Crichton (interesting till now, only 150 pages into it, can’t really conclude, so hope it turns out to be a good one till the end)... The book had refreshed my genetics interest & knowledge and I was feeling very happy with myself that I was able to recall the terms and concepts used/discussed in there.

So, as I was looking out the window, the bus passing various bus stops on the way, I saw so many youngsters, all between 20 to 35 yrs of age... Every one of them somehow had the signature stamped on them, “IT industry” (no they were not all wearing their ID's out, so please don’t try to act smart now... :)).

Why? I was wondering if it was because I belonged to the same community, that I probability had that antenna that can detect my kin, or has it actually become like a phenotypic, a morphologically identifiable trait... (ya ya showing off, lol, after all, reading a Michael Crichton book after a long time :P)... But according to strict definitions of morphological trait, it should only be a "physical appearance", which is not always the case; it is not just the appearance. So let me resort to using “Phenotype” here, ‘coz there are also "Behavioral phenotypes" not exactly a term, only meaning phenotype may also include behavior....

So is it like a Cultural Evolution, has it happened? Wait let me pause here to explain what I mean by that term…

I was once very interested in Cultural Evolution studies... There have been questions and I have not really been able to keep track of all the new developments in this field, considering it was a relatively recent interest and that is when I took the other road, choosing to leave all these interests behind. Well let’s not get into that one right now... So ya, by cultural evolution here, I refer to the ideas and theories, that suggest/discuss/research that, Culture may also be a part of the Evolution, in the sense, genetic speciation may not be the only way.

–---------- For the benefit of those who do not really know Evolution or Genetic Speciation much –-----------

Evolution is the process by which organisms try to adapt, change subtly, increasingly over time, to suit their environment, to be able to use it to their advantage, so that they can become one of the fittest and hence survive. Now this change that is initially behavioral / functional when found advantageous is passed on down generations by means of genetic inheritance. How this behavioral change becomes genetically incorporated is another interesting question and I would love to talk about it in another entry. So basically through genetics, changes are effected and not all individuals of the same species react to a situation or atmospheric demand the same way. So these different responses, becoming genetic, over a period of accumulated and repeated incorporation, lead to phenotypically and genotypically different group of individuals forming an altogether different species from the one it actually started changing.

This process is called speciation and in essence a genetic process, or to put it more bluntly, the scientific community has believed and come to accept that speciation in general is or should be genetic, meaning, if there was not enough or substantial genetic difference in enough number of individuals (a derivative really for if there are not enough numbers then it would mean it was not advantageous and would not have propagated to sustain/retain the difference; the no is also variable depending on the atmospheric demands. Organisms in an island etc), no group of individual animals of one parent species be accepted as a different species.

____________________________________________________________________________________

So now, all the different ethnics groups, might actually be different species, Culture being a different manifestation of Evolution, taking a different form, may be even a higher form, to maintain balance. Come to think of it, in fact, people with different type of character sets may even be, say subspecies… This is keeping to the context of Humans for if we try to apply it to other organisms, then it would go to very exciting and fun possibilities but for want of a shorter blog and not too much boredom for those who are reading I’ll keep it to the Homo Sapiens context. May be another blog on that other possibilities some other time. So, yes, culture and behavior, could they be different form of evolution? I have pondered over this a lot… Is this the next step…? The next form, or the next dimension Evolution is taking? Speciation, not just through genetic differences, but behavioral, psychological, even intellectual ones may be… We could go on imagining and speculating. To verify these, there has sprung a field of science that researches on very similar ideas. That researches on Cultural Evolution.

Now just to lend more substance and fun to my theory I am going to include one of my other interests, the Mythology – Science link. That way, I feel, there is a connection or basis or let us just say a similarity between one of the concepts (?!) in the Hindu mythology and the Ethnicity species/subspecies theory.

Let me refer to Hindu mythology, or should I rather say, the mythologies of the Sanathana Dharma for am sure these stories are prevelant in the other branches of Sanathana Dharma just as well as Hinduism. So, there were supposed to have been seven different Rishi and Rishi Patni couple, from who the whole of the population of humans on the earth came to be… Now, the interesting bit is, research on lineage conducted through Mitochondrial DNA analysis says that at the very root of the population, there were seven different Mitochondrial DNA set.

_____________ Mitochondrial DNA????!!!@@##$%%^&* ______________

In every cell in our body there are functional regions called organelles that have their own specific functions. Mitochondrion and Nucleus (Plurals: Mitochondria and Nuclei respectively) are two such organelles. Mitochondrion takes care of producing and supplying energy while Nucleus houses the DNA and all the activities related to that. But strangely, may be wisely though we do not know who or what should be credited for this wisdom, there is not just one DNA set available in our cells. Apart from the Nucleus, even the Mitochondrion has its own bundle of DNA that is just a bit different between from the Nuclear DNA.

Now when an offspring is formed, the mother provides with the egg cell and the father provides with the sperm each having one set of genome (23 chromosomes. An adult thus has 46 chromosomes of a 23 pair set). Of these one pair determines the sex of the child, XX being female and XY being male. All this happens only with the nuclear DNA (nDNA). The mitochondrial DNA (mtDNA) is simply passed on from the Mother to the offspring. Hence, the mtDNA mutates very fast but is always traceable throught the mothers and hence there is something called Matrilineage in population genetics and geneaology.

_________________________________________________________________________________

So this research concluded there were seven distinct women, mtDNAs, that came out of the “One mother of all, believed to be some good old lady from Africa who lived about thousands and thousands of years ago”. This research I guess was majorly conducted on European people, not really sure. If interested check out “Seven Daughters of Eve”, a book written by the guy who did this research years ago.

But the irony of it I realized when I was researching for this blog, that bringing mtDNA in, I have only talked about genetic evolution and not cultural…. ;P But the fact is that it is all intertwined and this forms the basis for our cultural evolution too. So what if really we were all different species and subspecies milling about on the face of earth without even realizing that evolution has taken a different form and we are not the same. Think about what will happen if IT, Biotechnology, Engineering, Business and Management to name a few are continued for ages to come and it actually becomes a trait, a gentic difference. Or what if the not only the form/means of evolution but even the pace of evolution has changed and it is not ages far away but actually quite near, the day when you and your neighbor might be of different species. I read a line somewhere, ah, yes in NEXT, “the world is heading to a stage where you do not know if the people at a dinner table are of the same species”. This was written in a different context, Transgenic species, but still holds just fine for the context we are discussing too.

Just the imagination of this keeps you amazed and wondering…. WOW…


So as I was saying, looking out of the window, all these things running in my mind, I saw them all there, the IT crowd, among various people of other industry too, like students, school, college and Govt. employees. One realizes that may be it is true for nowadays you can simply say who is a who, at least at these general categories. I know that one’s ability to gauge a person based on “personal experience, maturity, fashion etc” should not be confused with a “Phenotype”. But just an interesting thought. I was jolted back to reality when a cute girl came and sat beside me. I was sure she was an IT employee, no, no card. No standard laptop bags or any such give always, and sure enough she got down and went into one of the reputed IT company premises, juggling the contents of her bag and finally digging out her ID tag.  

refer: http://pinker.wjh.harvard.edu/ Steven Pinker is one of the prominent people working on cultural evolution and his books, even I have them on my "to be read" list, are supposed to be good. Check them out if interested and of course many such others are there... Well, google is god, pray and u'll be answeres... ;)

Friday, October 23, 2009

Another one on the moon and love and lonliness... Well, u can never resist innit? Everytiome... :)

I donno how the moon looks in ur sky...
But oh babey, its so beautiful here tonight...

Not too small a crescent to go unnoticed...
Not too big, but light, golden and just about right...

For the romantic hearts and the living souls...
For all with eyes and the interest to admire...
For all those blind but well, the description they can hear...

I donno how the moon looks in ur sky...
But oh babey, its so beautiful here tonight...

Longing, for all those who are lonely, soars right up above the roof,
For the moon brings the memories and yearnings in a full whoof...

Let there be love and lust and desire in the air...
Let us bow to the nature and its magic...

I am an enchanted soul, entrapped in the music of it all...
in the beautiful golden crescent, and a single star...

I dunno how the moon looks in ur sky...
But oh babey, its so beautiful here tonight...

the closeness, the nearness, the frustration of not being able to do anything about it...

The feel of a bead of sweat running through my back...
The touch of u, brushing my flesh, from all sides...
The hot breath of u on my face, not too close but I can feel it anyway...
The smell of ur sweat from the heat, all over me...

I am entangled, we are pressed against each other...
There is no way in, now that there is no way out...
A torture, we have to go through together...

We do it almost everyday, but still we haven't got used to this...
The frustration of this closeness, gets on our nerves no doubt...
We fret and look at each other, too aware of all this nearness...
Conscious of ourselves...
Well, there is nothing we can do about it, is there?
Helpless and lame, we stand there, on and on...

For babey, we are on a bus to work, me, along with, 'u' the crowd.....

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Victory of Good Over Evil... yes, tat was the topic given to us for the creative writing competition held during the Utsav, a diwali celebration, at our company today...

there was the dark, the evil, the cruel that every1 hated...
and there was the light, the fair and the just, all appreciated...

darkness billowed... and silence ensued...
the fiery eyes scorched the crowd...
the cruel tongue and the menacing force scared the wits out of everyone below...
the creature of awe and strength, fought to regain its rein and reign...
the power exhumed with every movement, the others watched with bated breath...

now it was the turn of the fair and the just, to slaughter and kill the rotten evil...
for everyone around was shouting for blood, the evil blood of the satan, the rot...
now was the turn, the long awaited, to take over and rule the welcoming herd...
now was the moment, a time stop show, in the ever iterating history of life...

yes! A moment that has been repeated too many times in this biased world...
the one that favors the light and the fair, over the dark...
no one remembered who decided the good - evil distinction...
no one knew wat was, the demarcation...
all they cared for was being loyal... like all their ancestors, to the good, the fair...
no one paused to think wat wrong the dark did, apart from seeking revenge for its centuries of hurt..
centuries of discrimination, that enraged it to cruelty...

n now was the moment of glory for the ever adulated fair, the light...
that it wud not miss, for anything in the world, for history has to be repeated...
the dark sulked inside its empty soul, its own shadow... for it knew the history too...
but it stood magnificient and aweful... to fight back once more...
for it was not coy but brave... it was not tricky or clever like the manipulative fair... the one that had mesmerised the crowd already...
the dark knew the sin of its ancestors and why its lineage would never be accepted...
but it also wanted to avenge the crushing of its struggles without reasoning...
thrashing of its foregenerations for wat one at the very beginning did... avenge for the destruction of its lineage for the act of that ONE and never having been forgiven...
for never having been given a chance... for all the discrimination and the bias...
a long standing fight, before it was trashed away as the spiteful... before its bravery was forgotten along as the cunning of the fair would be....

for the fair would win... IT DID... hail the fair, the just, the ruler for generations tat have been and many yet to come...
yell with joy, ye welcoming herd, for ur loyalty has been rewarded...
ur sentiments for ur forefathers, who wer a victim of the first defaulter, the first dark, have been answered and justified...
u have sought revenge... miseries that may have prevailed if the dark, coming in the bloodline of the very first cruelty, had taken over, have been avoided...
no, we would never give anybody a second chance... not risk it...
no, we would never pause to think... even if our prejudices prevail for generations it is fine...
for the classification has been done... finalized... there it would be, fair, the light, that wud be good...
and there, this cruelty would be dark, and wud be destroyed... and we would never pause to think abt the means with which this was achieved...
no matter how "dark" the means may be...

hail light... let’s celebrate the victory of the light over the dark....

PS: First of all I did not want to write anything under this topic... Then I saw an entry (tat got the second place, which I thought deserved the first) and got inspired...

So, three things, no, four things actually... one: the poem was too long for a competition, imagine this in a hand written copy... Duh!!

two: I know it's not gr8 material...

three: the content is too dark and sarcastic to compete in a festive mood... n well, I confess I knew it already and just wanted people to read it... Atleast a few wud read, understand and well muse along... :) :)

FOUR: NO... NOT SOUR GRAPES... :) :) Past all tat stage anyway...

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

I was standing there...

I was standing there... a cup of coffee in my hand...
watching over the parapet... into the distant sky...
the important chatter n the unnecessary laughter...
all droning on around me...

n i was standing there looking to the stretching vastness of the busy lives and the shortness of them all...
like a friend once wrote, alone, but not lonely...
content with my cup of strong coffee...
with leaving my soul to my own thoughts... the thoughts that were always milling about in my head..

I was standing there with my pair of shoes in my hands...
a little wet n muddy, sand sticking to it...
the waves crashed in n retreated... gearing up to fight again...
the shore standing still and strong...
by letting go of its sand, little by little

n I was standing there with the splashing water throwing droplets to my face...
the sky, blue and all above, showing its share of magnificence...
the wind blowing more to thrust the waves forward...
the peace inside me, a piece too small...
my thoughts fighting to prove its dynamism, competing with these forces of nature...

I was standing there in testimony to the tales of a hundred thousand billion years of war and struggle...
attending the lectures of the beautiful silence, the ever captivating...
that speaks volumes, narrating the whole story of life on earth and even else where, may be...
documenting the short and the long events... the secrets, of the universe...
in that jungle of woods and variety...
did I stand, in harmony with that was all around me, but my soul...

n I was standing there listening to all that important chatter and unnecessary laughter...
all droning on around me...
back at the terrace of my workplace... with my cup of strong coffee... content with my thoughts to myself.....

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Everything... Nothing...

I am walking... On n on go my feet...
Not knowing where... Not knowing how...
All by myself... Alternating darkness and Light...
No I am not stopping anywhere for my feet don't...
My mind wandering too, round n round, stuck at one point...
Its all blank... I am not thinking...
I am not seeing, not hearing, not feeling...
I just walk on and on...

There's a slight breeze that blows across my face, warm to the cold outside. Cold to the heat outside.
I do not know... I do not feel...

There's a light sunlight, in the cloudy sky, there's a fierce sun heating up the cold day...
There's a cool moonlight, lighting up my path... There's not even starlight in the shrouded dark...
And I walk on and on, on the command of my feet... On no will of anything at all...

I do not seek the shade to rest, I do not seek food for there's no appetite...
I do not feel pain or exhaustion... I am not numb for me not to feel...
I just walk on and on...

The path's cluttered with thorn, bush and flowers... I am walking in a desert, not even a mirage of an oasis...
The place is milling with people of all color, size and age... There's not a soul alive...
I am completely clad, to suit the cold... Bare naked to chill in the blasting heat...
I sweat and shiver and hug myself... I don't move a muscle, not a twitch of my finger...
I look all around me, there's no image recognition... I am not blind...
I hear all around me, still silence... I am not deaf...
I feel something, a lot of things on my skin... I am walking in void...
I taste blood, stench, sweet, sour, bitter blood... It's completely empty, nothing around...

I just walk on and on... Not knowing why...
All by myself... My mind wandering, fixed at one point...

Monday, October 05, 2009

As I gaze into your eyes...

As I gaze into your eyes...
Sometimes a deep blue ocean...
Sometimes the clear green sea...
Sometimes a sunlit drop of honey...
Sometimes the gray of pure water...
Sometimes the black of the night...
Sometimes the blackish brown of the woods...
Changing, according to my mood and need in the dream...

As I gaze into your eyes...
I touch the thousand stars I watch with you by my side, all night, in my dreams...
I am at all those exotic places, at once, that I visit with you, in my dreams...
I feel the tingle of a cool warm breeze across our faces, in my dreams...
I hear the rustle of leaves as we walk through the wonderful woods, in my dreams...
I jostle against the tourist crowds in all those shopping malls we visit, in my dreams...
I remember how I warmed up to the slight tightening of your hold on me, protective against those crowds, in my dreams... And I warm up again...
I feel the soothing heal for the burning pain I had felt that day, when I had tried to hide it but you had found out, with no words exchanged, that day in my dream...
I blush again at how you made me blush with those words whispered softly into my ears, in front of the whole crowd of our folk, at our wedding dinner, in my dream...
I remember every word of the thousands of amazing meaningful conversations that we had. probably making sense only to the two of us, in my dreams...
I fall gradually once again, like I did that day, when you casually started kissing me and I couldn't help but fall for it, that day, the first kiss, in my dreams...
I spend a silent afternoon in your arms, like that day, on a swing and two cups of coffee... like that day in my dreams...


As I gaze into your eyes... In my dreams...

I am sorry but I will haunt you.....

I hide in the shadows of the dark...
Slowly start to limp back to my graveyard...
For I know you felt me when I saw the slight shiver that went through you when you came too close... Similar to the hot blast I felt at my navel

When I heard the giggle and the slight snuggle, I died again...
For I know there's another soul that you are seeking...
To try and be happy, to be with, all your life, to live, to create beautiful memories...

And I cried there again for the ten thousandth time or may be more...
Silent sobs and loud dry tears... Wept like a wet sag squeezed to dry...
I know you can't see me, I know you can't hear me... I know you can't touch me...
But it is no different from when I was alive... Even then you did not do any of this.
Yes there is a feeble difference. THEN you DID NOT, NOW you CANNOT.

But strangely enough, now, you know when I am there, at least there's a physical reaction from your body.
I'm more visible now, after I am dead than I was when alive...

I know I am nothing but a haunting soul dying every minute of my whispy existence...
I know I am no more dead than the numb hours I spent looking out my window when you were happily whispering lines into HER ears.

But I know I have always been alive in those moments I watched you with nothing else to do with my life...
I was there, I am here. All the same. I was and still feel alive when I watch the sun play its rays on your strands of hair, sticking out unruly
when you bend down to whisper to Her.

Oh that day when my heart broke into shards, when I caught you in a corner, with your eyes full of love looking into hers...
When I saw those strong eyes melting and melting into those soft eyes of hers, on your strong handsome face...

That is when I died again... For that love was what I was craving for and it was right there in front of me, but no no, not for me.
That is when I lived the fullest, for I had seen that love in those eyes, that sight, my salvation.
Though not for me, it was there, as I had always imagined, may be more wonderful than in my dreams.
Well, I could accommodate a slight change, SHE was there instead of ME.

Funnily enough I never felt jealous of her.
Yes I died every time I saw you with her but that was mostly because my heart seemed to forget to beat when you were around...
Even more so when it realizes that you are not walking in my direction to meet me but to meet HER... another.

I am extremely sorry but I cannot help it. I will haunt you for ever. For here lies my heaven...
In those strong eyes... I am decent enough to let you live your life in the privacy you deserve.
But I will haunt you, in those moonlit nights you walk down alone, left to your own thoughts.
I will haunt you when you sleep alone, dreaming blissfully, just to look at you.
I will haunt you when you sing to yourself and smile, a romantic song, in practice to sing for that other lucky soul in your life.

I am content with watching you for the rest of my non existent life.
I am content with the slight shiver you feel when I brush a little too close, forgotten in those eyes.
That shiver indicating you felt me. That is enough. There lies my heaven. I choose to roam wild for this bliss.
I am no unfortunate soul, but a blessed one for I am eternally in love and I died when I was in love.
I am blessed for I died before I got options to confuse me
Before some guy comes to me and says "you are more visible to me than anything else in the world"... like you were for me...
Before somebody takes me for a partner for life out of sympathy or for some cunning reasons.

I am a blessed soul. I seek my heaven here. I will try to take care to not get too close to you too often.

I am sorry but I will haunt you.

For the people who know me well: No it is not about who you think it is about; sorry "you", the guy these ppl think it is abt.
So all of you, I am yes, the kind that would love someone so bad, but not yet... Will surely yell the name out when I do, so don't waste your energies assuming and/or speculating... :)