SHOTS - HUMAN TRAFFICKING

Note: Again, a long pending draft... When I reread these even I felt horrible... Don't ask me how or why I came up with these things.  And the truth is I do not know anyway that writing this could actually help anyone?!
How can common people stop any of this, or contribute in some way to stopping any of these things?
One thing we can promise ourselves is to make sure that the next generation is inspired to be good.


She tried to contain her excitement! She felt proud to be doing this, joining work on her 16th birthday...!!
Not many girls from her elementary school had survived unmarried and NOW she would work to support herself and her family!
She would be the son her parents had always wanted...until her little baby brothers were born that is but they are little and sick, so she could be like an elder son! 
She held on to her little sister with more resolve, the puny 12 year old hands gripping her tight in response.
They walked into the "firm" and were happy to see many girls of their own age or lesser.  She was glad her sister had someone to play with.
She was not sure why Chacha did not look proud or excited for them.  He smiled with resignation and relief as he pocketed the amount carefully and patted her head saying "we will save your little brothers don't worry"





Twins were such a rare thing as it is and both boys meant definitely good things to come.  She had seen it in happening in the past year.
Two of her sisters getting married to the old station master and his helper on the same day!  Even Arasi said everyone in the village were jealous of her family.
Then her father refused to give her away in marriage though she turned 13 last month...
AND NOW she was being allowed to go work out of town.
Kumar mama had made them see the possibility of her and latchumi supporting her family.  Of course dad got drunk silently and mom moved her big bellied frame as silently out of the house as she could with almost inaudible sobs.
She would take latchumi to a movie with their first salary.  They will eat one meal less to make up for the ticket.
The memories kept repeating themselves as it did almost every morning.
She tried to be strong as she walk to the dormitory where girls her sister's age lived and worked - cleaning and sewing for them - unless someone rich asked for one of them specifically. 
Or like her sister today, turned 12. 
May be she could bribe auto Ravi with a free round to help sneaking them out to a movie and back...




With this one, it added up to Rs.10000.  That would be more than enough to pay for everything.
She would need to hurry to send the money order in before evening - it was Friday, the busiest nights mostly.
Her calculations were interrupted by the discomfort of the mundane routine.
This one was always quiet and dissociated she recalled. 
She almost thanked him for the respite he gave her. 
Then she remembered and then it hurt. 
She swallowed her pride and shame.  Like everything else...




The 10 volunteers were all young men and women arranging the boxes all around for them all to pick one each when they left.
So she stood up trying not to shout at these "know it all" bunch of youngsters that had decided to educate the poor prostitutes!
Of course, one of the educated customers, or a TV ad, or a stray commoner uses one.
But they knew the reality even better.  Even the chatty Sekar had beaten her when she asked him to wear it once.
"We can suffer the disease than go through the beating everyday", she tried to maintain her tone.
She was angry that these young men and women who have probably never had sex yet, came to show them how they could be safe. 
After everything that had happened to them, why do they think AIDS was a big deal! 
She probably already had it anyway.




His friends had played a dare on him for his 20th birthday and he was not sure anymore why he agreed!
He was not sure if he was ashamed or horrified.
The experienced hands that were promised to initiate him belonged to that of an almost pretty 15 year old girl...
She did not even show any surprise at the sight of him.
He said "I don't want anything from you" but I will stay here for an hour so they pay you.
Her sly smile both teased him and thanked him.  He had his first crush and heart break at the same time. 
The NGO and the police received an anonymous tip that night.

I've coined a new Term! Writer's Vomit...

We all know Writer's block and use it profusely without any regard to whether we possess any writing prowess and/or creativity.

Dumbfounded is not equal to calm and quiet.  So, is Writer's block.  If you just can't write does not mean you are experiencing a block.

The few times that I had used or atleast wished to my alter ago snorted and smirked killing all the flourish that came with the words and I just... mellowed down, let's say.

Now for some reason this morning, I realised how I always write in short and hurried bursts once in a few months and then just nothing for months and years.  Not that what I write are great pieces of work either! :(

That's when the words (or henceforth the 'term') just walked into my mind and sat there looking at me impatiently, as though it was getting bored until my stupid brain caught up and realised it had to share it with you all.

Well, enough of nonsense and nothing...I present to you a new term of my coinage...."Writer's Vomit".  Yes, that is what I am going to call and insist you do...
Nah just kidding...
You would think I was!
Please...! :(
No, I am not begging!!
NOT.

Well, once again nonsense and nothing aside...
I think it is justified to use the term though for such periods of harried writing that most of the amatuers go through.  I lead by example, see!  I just had to write this down.  Holding back only made it worse.  The urge was so strong you felt quirmy and uncomfortable, unable to sit out whatever you were about to do.  Nothing is comfortable except for getting it out.  The more it is 'ALL of it', the better.

And for most of us, (ok, some of us, whatever...) what comes out is quite putrid and reeking; all that we have ingested from the world, either fully, or in most cases partially, digested! 

And do I really have to say it? Ok fine, yes people do not enjoy going through the contents, No! 
And someone usually has to clean up after you. 
And if you are sick/sad (figuratively), it just falls back on you to clean it up!
Told you it all fits well!! :D

Now, the most interesting thing is that the ones going through the contents, or even watching you do it, get the urge too!  Tell me it's not true!?  How many of us have penned down, vomitting half baked stuff just because we were "ïnspired"?! I've done it loads of time.

I've even searched for it on Google to make sure I was not untittingly "plaigarised" someone else's words.  Here is the proof.  ;)

So yes, I hereby Coin the term Writer's Vomit!  Feel free t use it ;) On me too yes.... :P

On a side note, I did contemplate Writer's Orgasm but I could not identify this writing urge with it entirely, to be honest.  I mean look at how multifaceted and (satisfyingly) justifiable Writer's Vomit is to describe - not to mention the crooked fun - what we go through and end up producing?  May be we can reserve that for a work resulting in a good piece but not my personal choice.  I leave it to you...:P

Thank you for reading.  I would much appreciate, comments and conversations here, than on my FB post if you found this through there.  Cheers!

Sapiens: A brief history of Human Kind, a book by Yuval Noah Harari.....Has earned another fan

Let me just start with my conclusion - it is a great book and a must read for anyone remotely interested in History, Prehistory, Anthropology, Genetics, Natural Sciences, Philosophy, Human Rights, Animal Rights, Meta Physicists etc..,

Theologians or more specifically the religious, please keep away from it if you are fanatics.  Or should I say, you definitely should give it a read with an open mind (relatively) ?

Yes, that's how many fields it covers in its Venn diagram, showing the intersection of all these fields, comprising us, our lives, the bigger and more difficult questions from time immemorial.

As part of the conclusion let me also warn you that if you are seeking answers for these big Life questions (or even the small ones), no you will not find them there.  But that is the point!

This book charismatically states the whole of "Human" history and that of the world around us, from our perspective, with all its intricacies and shows us how everything is so interconnected. 
Although this is something most of us educated in the modern (western as Yuval might like to point out) education system, are vaguely aware of, even if we do not completely grasp the depth of it, is what this book gives us...the depth and perception that is required to see the Big Picture of Life as we know it.

It asks all the basic Big questions, What and who are we? Why are we? Where are we (less addressed in the physical sense and more in the 'timeline of life' sense)? Where would we go, what would be, and why?  And most disconcertingly, for us sometimes, the why not's

I felt transported back in time, to the days when I discovered that I was not crazy or dumb to be asking certain questions that I was.  Yes, it's true that 'partially educated' and 'inquisitive' are usually not a good combination, but that is how most of us "normal" folks  run most of our lives.

Such as, the time when I first read about Higgs Boson; I was probably 19 years old.  This was a time I was going through a frenzy to learn the chart of particle physics by heart.  Or rather, I was making a chart of all the "known" (or theorised should I say) particles in the known universe.  Not that my volatile memory held it for long or my poor & almost dysfunctional mathematical comprehension helped me understand the nuances.  But can't say I did not try!  Well, back to Boson, I was shocked to learn that my teenage question - what distinguishes Matter and Energy - that was dismissed or (ambiguously) not explained, was not, just a stupid question arising out of a brain ill suited to understanding.  But rather a question still puzzling the human kind and (like all questions ever are) VALID.

This time Yuval gave me a pat on the back and said, "see, you are not crazy nor alone to be suffering doubts and questions" such as
1)  about one's identities and nationalities in an increasingly global civilisation,
2) the conflict between passion and pride for a native language while repulsed by caste system although both are rooted in cultural identities,
3) the "agnostic"ism towards religion, spiritual and paranormal curiosities
are all not because I am not "FULLY"formed.  But are rather natural and healthy and already being discussed in full swing for many years now among "scholars". 
As a gene-obeying, evolution-complying, social "Human", yes this did comfort me, the fact that I am not alone (both literally and figuratively).

However, the questions remain to be answered.  The big picture is interesting, intriguing, fascinating, depressing all in various measures.  But that does not mean, we are doomed. The message is clearly optimisitic, with almost a hint of doubt, for the benefit of hindsight. 

The one thing that I did wish he had explained better was, that though climate change has happened all the time, and that we like all our predecessor natural beings are only contributing to it (albeit too fast and too destructive in our case), although we may yet survive and do something to help heal the world, we are STILL NOT out of the danger zone!  But this message, that he DOES leave, I felt, was not explicit enough.

My thoughts are hence, thus:

1) Yuval says, Climate change is not a problem in itself, it has always happened. True!

2) My thoughts on the lines of what he too said:

Ecological destruction is the main key issue but that too is probably "natural" in the evolutionary process, this time intensified by the fact of evolution having created a naturally selfish and destructive being, us.  Or may be all species are if you think about it, the selfish part atleast.

3) When I say evolution, I am taking the view that cultural and cognitive evolution which before Sapiens were not too great which are new in this age old process but still a "natural" factor although the end products of this may not be - such as missiles and factory emissions.

4) The problem with climate change and destruction is that, becase Humans are trying to retain the world as they knew it ('know it' would not be true for we have already lost some contemporories of ours, in the evolution speak - lookup the extinct specis from the not too distant past).  But from an evolutionary point of view this will never be true.  By this, I mean the world staying the same in someone's context!

5) Accelerated destruction and eco imbalance are a menace because, even if Sapiens -with our enlarged brains and extensive cognitive abilities- may yet come up with great advancements that would give us new source and let us construct a Noah's Arc to provide sanctuary to all the beings of the world, we still are in the danger of "YET". 

To put it simple, It may not happen before the events are set in motion! 

And that is probably the worst fear of all.

6) Evolution in itself might be changing (point 3).  From only genetic and organic, came cognitive and resultantly, (agri)cultural, industrial and now technological (r)evolutions!

This might be why we are changing from beings of US to beings of ME.  Whether or not it is a good thing, Yuval says - much like a musing elder - only time will tell.

7) All in all it is an exciting time to be living in.  I might even consider proliferation(!!!) to make sure my genes get to experience the changes of the FANTASTIC (not necessarily good) changes!!!
OR NOT, for precisely that reason!!?  What is after all My genome and My (extant) experience?

Well, in all, it was an excellent and enlightening book that keeps you hooked.  Not sure if listening to the audiobook somehow made it even more awesomatic!

Thanks to a friend (Sanjay, if you are reading this) for sharing his "read" on goodreads and thus introducing it to me!

Thanks for the book Yuval!  I am almost at once wanting to read Duedus and not... for what you might choose to tell us (or not?). 

Will I be similarly enthralled or disappointed?!  I suppose Time will tell?!! :)

Thank you for reading.  I would much appreciate, comments and conversations here, than on my FB post even if you found this through my post there.  Cheers!

குடல் கொடுமை, உருளை வதை!!

மெலிதான உன் தேகத்தை கையிலெடுக்க
உன் உவர்ப்பை என் உதட்டில் ருசிக்க
சிறிதாய் கடித்திட பொறுமையின்றி
                             முழுதாய் விழுங்கிட
தனியாய் அமர்ந்து பார்க்கும் என் பகல் வேலை
                             கார் கால ஏக்கமாய் மாற
குடல் காணும் கனவில் ஆழ்கிறேன்
என் அன்பு உருளை கிழங்கு வத்தலே!!




கறுமுறுவென கடித்த்துண்ண
மேலிதுரு கொண்ட உனைத்தேடி
சுடும் சுகம் கொண்ட பகல் கனவில்
ஆழ்திடச் செய்யும் ஒரு நிலையாய்
கடும் அடம் கொண்டிருக்கும்
என் குடல் செய்யும் இந்தக் கொடுமையில்
                                நான் எல்லை மீற
தொட்டில் இன்றி கட்டில் இன்றி
குழந்தையாய் பிறந்ததாம் - இந்த ஊளச்ச்சதை!

Binge breaks

I've been meaning to do this for a while actually! (Like most things).  May be a stray thought branching off from the the world hunger series (or not! Been too long, can't remember).

I wanted to write quick short poems or funny lines or whatever expressions I can pen about my binge cravings every time I feel them (no I am not pregnant, just unhealthy!), and thus hopefully distracting my brain for long enough to actually overcome it!  Ingenious - ahem* desperate ahem* - it sounds, doesn't it? Let's see how long it works, for it did today...:)

So, I'll post my first attempt shortly!  Well, ended up writing two versions of the same thing because I was struggling for words to finish even one.  If you understood that you know what it means to fall out of touch with your writing spurts.


 

What pad??

I do not remember how I got introduced to this new friend but I did.

And we have been thin and thick over time... WATTPAD

I am pretty sure there are scores of Apps out there that does the same thing, may be some better and some worse.

This one does enough for me... For now.. Thought I should write about it before I tire and move on to something else...

It's been both good and bad. Bad being I don't read or finish the 'hard' books anymore and I get quite distracted with this when I am supposed to be doing other things... Like work for a living...

But well...even with 'hard' books I did that so this is only making it easier to do... The frequency of the crime is the only thing increasing not the crime or the gravity of it ;)

Now going for the good things:

I am usually slow in exploring things say an app. I don't just go in and try every feature on the day 1, just because...

My enthusiasm to explore is usually overtaken with a fascinating feature and there it stops till something bores me of it or if I feel like taking a break.

So the point is if you are looking for a review of the App and all its features then  I'm sorry this will be a disappointment.

Now there, that said...

WATTPAD has scores of people like you and me writing on it.  Anything and everything they feel like, stories, poems, shorties of any sort, series, read soaps where they publish the story in parts every week or every two days or any which way they prefer.

And then people like you and me read them, rate, 'fan' as the wattpadians call, even comment at any point in the story giving it good and bad feedback then and there!  

When you think about it, it's quite the same formula.  Writer's and readers social media.  Really.

You post, we read, follow, comment, vote etc.., But the opportunity like never before for budding writers to get live feedback, giving them a chance to change things to suit the mood.  And for established writers to gauge the reaction of the crowd.

Yes in a way I was debating with myself if this was truly good.  If you think about that was the beauty of writing, you write what you imagined and people either accept or reject. That makes you a true competitor or candidate.  Not knowing the judges preferences even as you are competing.  Oh well, I know, I am an idealist sometimes!!!

But what I noticed is all these 12 and 14 year olders writing! I just absolutely love that idea. A platform for children to cultivate an interest in writing.  

I've read several books on this App, the good, the bad and the ugly.

As far as I've checked the writing part of the app seems to be quite basic but again I have not really forayed into this yet.

This is more from me as a reader...

I think there could be more work on the writing part as well as privacy settings.

An app that is certainly keeping me more than just company! :)

P.S:

I almost forgot that it also allows other languages apart from English to be written in and read in.  I couldn't find any written in Tamil yet though.

Oh and it has loads of free ebooks and classics available too!

Morning Potty Philosophies

Morning Potty has always been a time for thought... I have always found them to be my most creative and imaginative thought process time... It's almost as if you are asleep and dreaming solutions to your everyday problems or searching for an inner meaning to even the smallest of things in life that you wud usually ignore...

Right from my childhood days of indian commode habits I remember using this time to experiment with my various muscles and joints, in my legs, trying to see how long they hold still, when exactly do they start hurting, how much water I am using and how efficiently can I use the water while I also keep a constant flow to keep the commode from drying up...

Recently facebook, whatsapp and ebook readers (and some games too yes) have stolen this precious time from my brain exercise schedule I realise...sadly... 

Potty in this era of smartphones, has changed from being 'an extremely private and intimate time spent by a person completely inside their head and body, pushing out creative thoughts and 'not so creative' (some may disagree) body excrements' to a time when we connect with family and friends... 

It is not even funny anymore and in many cases true even, if you were to imagine your friend on their respective bathrooms and replying to your messages and watching the videos you shared...which is sad... Not just because it's not funny...

That said, try as I may, my hand automatically picks up my smartphone the minute I feel my bladder full or my rectum signal...

Times when I realize my battery is dead but I need to potty are almost emergencies where I borrow Suresh's phone shamefacedly (for the fact that I forgot to charge it).

From a girl who never opened her mouth to respond to any questions/conversations or provocations from outside the door while at potty to one who utilises her time on the potty connecting with people vie e-media is quite a (still quiet) transformation that I believe many women of my age and era wud agree...

And in fact this blog and the thoughts for it started this morning while at potty... 

Now what prompted me to write was a little insect I killed because I couldn't watch it buzzing around me... All I had to do was pour a few drops of water over it and it fell down twitching.  Then I couldn't watch it die nor accept that I did something that bad that I was torn between letting it go and ending its suffering (yes mahatma's words - or so I have been told - echoed in my mind) and I poured more water on it swearing (for the thousandth time in my life) that I wud never do that again...

So I was going to post on FB at once of my 

Morning Potty realisation #10000 or something...

One who controls the urge to kill an insect just because it's buzzing around or in sight is a person of supreme self control! 

One who does not feel the need in the first place to kill an insect just because it's buzzing around or in sight is a saint!

One who tries to get the insect out or find a way to let it out without harming it is a supreme being!

This does not include non veg food. I am talking about killing insects just because you see them or because they are flying around (and again you see them)...

(Based on the famous padayappa lyrics of the song 'vetrikkodikattu')

(Lines of the song)

இன்னொர் உயிரைக் கொன்று புசிப்பது மிருகமடா!

இன்னொர் உயிரைக் கொன்று ரசிப்பது அரக்கனடா!

யாருக்கும் தீங்கின்றி வாழ்பவன் மனிதன்...

ஊருக்கே வாழ்ந்து உயர்பவன் புனிதன்!!

(Lines of the song transliterated)

Innor uyiraikkondru pusippadu mirugamada!

Innor uyiraikkondru rasippadu arakkanada!!

Yaarukkum theengindri vaazhbavan manidan!

Oorukkae vaazhnthuyarbavan punidan!!

(Lines of the song translated)

Who kills another life (form) to eat is an animal!

Who kills another life (form) and enjoys is a demon!

Who lives without harming another life (form) is a human...

Who lives for (the good of) other life (forms) is divine!

But then it also occurred to me that even this has an exception.  Two... No some exceptions... Or may be I am just not a person of supreme self control.

And in my mind the exceptions are:

Mosquitos 

Cockroaches

Rats/Some viscious spiders and poisonous insects where it's either that dead, or you!!

Definitely in that order...

Definitely won't add lizards to the list...they are NOT harmful usually...

Thankfully though, for now I don't suffer the exceptions... But I know this is a global problem... Like poverty and illiteracy... 

So there goes my Morning Potty Realisation for the day number #ohsomanythatidontkeeptrack

The little old lady that made me happy!

It's after a long time that I have been moved and overwhelmed in real life, in person; not one of those videos or those blogs or those news articles or those tweets or Facebook uploads...

Today I met an old lady. She cud have been anywhere between 75 and a 100 years old.  She was going about her life with so much acceptance, such innocense (and even a sense of humour I later saw) inspite of all the worldly problems of health, wealth and well, life as such.

She was almost hunch backed, about 3ft tall, had the early spurt of hair growth on her head, that follows a tonsure, a dirty gown on that covered her dutifully from neck to ankle, a dirty cloth bag of her few belongings or may be those that she needed for her business whatever it was. She walked a straight path on the busy main road, her eyes on the ground, not the slightest intention on her (evident from her body language) to even seek physical help, let alone stretch her small puny arms for alms, to the plenty of people walking around her, definitely in a much better state in life.

As I crossed her, I cud barely control the reflex to turn around and look at her properly, not just the outline I caught as I overtook her in pace.  My angel and demon were swiftly engaged in the battle of morality, of dharma and the practicality of my real life.

As I reached the bus stop to take the connecting bus, I (like the child we all are within) told myself that I wud wait and see if she wud head my way and if so I would give her a small sum that wud appease both the angel and the demon or atleast strike a compromise while they found new arguments as to wanting and not wanting the lady to head my way and debating over how useful or laughable the sum I had decided upon to give away was.

I had already extracted the money from the attic of a bag I had and was ready when the angel's wish won. The lady walked right into my way.

As I approached her she broke into such an innocent and infectious smile that I was surprised.  The battles that were waging inside me until that very moment I approached her were quelled, more like the demon was dumbstruck.

As I inserted the currency notes into her ( really small) palm she paused to squint at the notes and then gave it back to me with a half mute vocabulary and said 'kapde' (clothes). She tried showing me something with 5 of her fingers that I initially did not understand.  I told her to keep the money, mustered a warm and guilty smile and walked away.  To my surprise she walked to the bus stop and approached me.  She again tried giving the money back and explaining that she needed clothes making the 5 finger gesture.  Then it stuck me, or atleast the most I cud make out of it - I extracted some more from my purse hastily and gave her a relatively larger sum.  I told her not 'Khana milega' (you'll get food with this) this time but 'kapde milenge' (you'll get cloth with this), with a reltively less guiltier heart and a more satisfied smile.  I rushed towards the bus that approached while I felt all the eyes that were earlier watching us, slowly leave and the woman followed and got into the bus too.

For a second I thought she was following me but realised that she actually was travelling in the same direction.  I was not sure if my heart was happy or my ego unhappy.  I even thought may be I just got fooled and I wanted to walk away, into a corner, not wanting to look at anyone that might recognise me from the curious exchange or especially the lady.  For I was sad to leave her clinging to the support pole while a young fellow gave me the 'ladies seat' that he was occupying until then.

As the driver and conductor started laughing and having a jovial conversation with/about her or probably js couldn't help smiling at the innocent expressions of the sorry little creature to whom they tried demanding the ticket fare while she half mutely joked back giving them imaginary coins from thin her.  I was watching every word uttered with a beating heart, every eye on her that was curious or mocking, made me want to get up and pay the ticket fare.  But the demon had had enough. Angel was making feeble attempts.  As I realised that the diver and conductor were merely having good natured fun and did not expect to get anything from her, I relaxed and let go of the idealist in me that had decided to hail the conductor (as inconspicuously as possible) and pay him her bus fare.

When I saw her alight from the bus on her own accord at her destination, I breathed a sigh of relief
and told myself that she is going to walk 'home' as safely as she had travelled so far.


Then I started marvelling in earnest at the astonishing strength and happiness showed by this frail child of an old lady.

I wished I had given her a hug, that I had taken her home with me, given her good shelter for the night, a square meal of food and the love of a daughter or granddaughter; like the scores of people who are currently doing this for thousands of people across various cities everyday without expecting anything in return.

I wished I had given her the big bar of chocolate in my bag and as I thought this it also crossed me that it cud even have been adverse to her if she had diabetes.  Then the irony stuck me. The irony and cynicism of human nature that doesn't really let us move beyond our limits as a 'practical person'.

Well this was a small portion of just what I cud do.  May be one random day when I cud.
If I were asked to spend all of my earnings in such deeds or even just a significant amount monthly for these people (as those many many noble hearts are doing), I wouldn't be able to.

This was just a lucky day for me, probably a celebration for a dear ones birthday that wud be here in one day.

But this also saddened me, for this was also the dark irony. For I had expected people to have noticed.  This consciousness had embarrassed me causing me to seat myself into a corner.  I had thought about how they wud have perceived me.  May be I am js a pious Muslim doing her duty during the month of ramzan (for I did have a costume similar on) - though a duty no less nobler - but still done because you are supposed to.

I was saddened at these thoughts that had crossed my mind.  I tried to dispel it by thinking how nothing  matters - how people perceived,  whether or not they even noticed.  At the end of the day it made me happy, moved me and made me smile.  Then it was touché, the angel smiled at the demon.
I recalled phoebe and F.R.I.E.N.D.S.  Accepting this innate human pride or whatever that was was more graceful than I had thought. All that mattered was I have done something to help someone and in the process made atleast two people - the lady and myself.

I walked the rest of the way home with a slight spring in  my steps, blessing the little lady's soul.

What would happen if I (read: a woman with Social Responsibilities) abandoned it all and went in search of enlightenment at 25 (if I get stupid enough to do that?!)...!?

Back in secondary school at KV - Syllabus A, we had a poem called Yashodhara ka Vilaap (forgive any speling mistakes) - about which I remember the feeling expressed than any of the lines.

It was a beautiful poetry about this character called Yashodara who is none othr than Buddha's very own wife queen; about her sorrow that her beloved left her and their only son in search of "enlightenment". 

It was a poem that touched me deeply.  I couldn't find it onilne right now (though I would like that very much), else I would share here.

So just imagine a rich king, abandons his wife and young child, goes off in the search of some peace or knowledge or God, however one may interpret - all vey noble and grea on his part but what about his wife and child. 

In the case of Rama, he abandons his wife (and unborn child(ren) as it turns out), for keeping with the thoughts of his people and upholding so called "King's duties to his people".

Now let us pause and see what is expected of these women or rather what do they end up doing? Worship their beloved husbands; Not giving in to their personal feelings and respecting them still.  And th worst part is - these apparently, not out of any compulsion...

They may be big hearted, but I am not.  I do not think the same would have happened if the roles were reversed...

Thes husbands  respecting their wives, understanding the causes that led them to act like that if they did much less worship them...!? Nien!  I do not know what is root cause - society, chauvenism, inert human nature... Whatever it may be, I do not know nor want to get into those...

Well, am I happy to be in this century of modern household and understanding and Gamma men...?!  Yeah Baby, definitely. :) 

I know even now they would not really apprecate if I left my house/family/"responsibilities" and went in search of "enlightenment" but atleast they are adjusting enough and understanding enough when need arises for an onsite... :)

Independence - Life's Reward Structure

The problem with the people that love you/care about you is that they tend to not be able to accept the fact that you have grown up and/or that you are on your own, especially when you make decisions and choices that don't really go down well with them. 

Be it really big or really small, it is not - you did something like that because you made a conscious decision/choice - but were under a bad influence which lead you to do something like that, which you could not have conceived of by yourself, No!

The reason is simple, they cannot find fault with you, so it has to be someone or something else.  May be the friends, the various relationships with their environ, that may have put such thoughts and actions in them... But well, the hard truth is that, it is in most cases, not so!

There is this innate nature in human beings to gain independence in every form.  Entropy may be, showing up in its purest form!?  One wants to go his or her own way, learn things the hard way, even though there is this wisest person who could give you the best advise on the matter, right there, next to you in theform of a parent or a sibbling or a close friend.

But this may be out of various decisions/thought processes.  As in my case for instance, one may just want to learn it the hard way because there is a certain satiety associated with self learning even masochistic sometimes. There is a certain pride associated with "self" people and again the society or the upbringing is to be blamed for this thought structure too.  Independence, has some respect, some glamour to it, though people do not want it for their children all too soon (and it is almost always too soon).  So one may want to prove to their kin and kind that they are strong by trying to be independent and ends up growing a fondness to it, an attachment that becomes a fixation.  A reward structure.  Like a hard earned penny or something.  The learning that comes out, a "life's hard truth" that stares out at you at the end of a difficulty, may not be very sweet, but you will never forget the bitter sting and hence the learning either.  Or the reward it brought to you in any form/degree of satisfaction.

Is it wise to let people go and make all the bad decisions and learn by themselves, especially when it is your beloved child? Of course not, but you may have to let some learnings pass by, without your interference, and teach themselves to your loved ones, the hard way or otherwise!  Standing aside and watching your child grow up and try to fight life is a part of parenting too and the challenge is to keep them on their feet while they do, giving them the push without them realizing it, by a simple process - Trusting them to do it!

Trust works wonders... Trust me on this...

P.S: As always all these thoughts bring a stronger fear out, rather makes me brace myself to face a stronger challenge, in my future - Parenting!

internet

I've never been a great internet user... My maximum experience with the internet was limited to browsin a few articles, checking my mails and blogging (ranging in the periodic scale of not often to rarely), period...

And right now..., while blogging this, i'm on the internet, all by myself, searching a few academic stuff, logged on to a radio station, listening to nice music, blogging and doin a lot of stuff i never thought i wud... This is something very common to most of the people but for a person from a remote place like mine it's somethim cool...

It's really nice to be completely independent and work on somethin u like... Lifestyle is totally changin... But one thing... The technological sofistications r makin this generation lazy...

V know v can get stuff done in a short time... So, v don hav to get up early, or stand in a long Q or anything like that which was almost an everyday affair in our parent's time... I'm not bein conservative... Even i'm one of this generation's technology-made-lazies.... Jus a thought...

Neways gotta get back to work...