Agony... Sweet!!

My eyelids close, my heartbeat slows . . .
I feel myself in rhythm with the silence around me . . .

It takes me high, stoops me low
I now not where I am, nor where I was ,
                              let alone where I should be
For I know not who I am, nor what!

Deafening silence bellows into my eardrums,
I keep my pace and lower my face
Burying myself into the deepest of crevices I find inside my darkened soul . . .

I see but there's no light and I see that there's no light
For darkened is this tunnel, this tunnel of void . . .

Moving through the fog and mist,
My body growing numb with cold . . .

Cold sweat breaks down my spine
And I find myself abandoned . . .
Naked fear my only wrapping . .

I see your face dawning close to mine
Like beckoning into more of pain
More of agony, sweet!!

And there I groan my last wish
Whisper my last kiss into your sinful lips. . .
                                My illusion . . .!!

And it all fades into more darkness
Irony, there was no light to begin with . . .!!!

An evolution of the dying . . .

There are just too many dead around me for me to care for one loss

There are just too many hurt around me for me to tend to one wound

There are just too many crying around me for me to wipe one tear

There is just too much sorrow for me to sympathize

There is just too much emotion in the around for me to empathise

This is my world

This is my life

And I am a walking corpse

And I look around once to realize I am one in a herd

And I pause and let the crowd go and realize it is not a small herd but a whole population

A civilization of dead

An evolution of the dying

I won't stay around happiness for long . . .

Don't keep me too happy,
'Coz I won't stay long then. . .

A soul that seeks the pleasures of sadness
that seeks the little points of light that leak in the crevices of darkness
I won't stay long around happiness. . .

Blessed with the curse of gloom and melancholy,
The joy of pity and the grace of sorrow,
The pride of shame and suffering insult -
Keep my sparce soul drugged. . .
So I won't stay long around happiness. . .

Thoughts of bitterness and memories of disgust
Keep me alive and remind me of my existence
N I won't stay long around happiness. . .

So don't try my love, to give me the joy of your heart. . .
Don't try my love, to keep me drunk -
drunk on your innocent love's insistance on laughter and sweetness
For I won't stay drunk for long my love...
I won't stick around happiness for long...

Let go of me I tell you,
For all I would do is hurt you
and hurt myself in the process
For I am drugged on sorrow my love

Clinging to the sheer pain of life
I draw you near to my weeping heart
Make you go through all that turmoil
For that is all I can hear in my head in the eternal silence of life

I live in a world of grey
where you are pricked and poked in different levels of pain
just so you would know that you are...

Which is why I tell you

I won't stay long around happiness...
For I am a soul that seeks the infinite bliss of killing one's own soul just so as to say "C you are alive"...!
- the ecstacy of slow death, a privilege of the mortals. . .