"Have I stopped living?!" List...

Here is a compilation I made in my bus journey in the morning, thinking about what to blog
- I am sorta pushing myself to blog once a day; trying to get back in touch with my writing side. . .

We will call it the list of "Have I stopped living?" or a "Have I let my heart grow too old?"

Agree or diagree to the below, honestly to yourselves and see if You have stopped living life yet!

-> You start feeling cynical or have a "mature distant eye" analyzing everything, when people speak around; thoughts of you own that you are not jumping to express at the first pause the other person gives in their sentence.

-> You start getting distracted with "how I am in a much more pathetic life than this person" thoughts when someone is sharing their problems OR in a "how I am better off" thoughts when somebody starts talking about how happy they are. Even if you do listen genuinely, still this thought lingers somewhere in a corner of your mind. 
(And this may or may not be the private thoughts mentioned in the previous point).
-> You do not exaggerate anything anymore, especially not for fun.

-> You stop getting visually excited about things/events; you try to keep a cool appearance throughout even when excited. 

-> Everyone you meet is not called a friend anymore, but falls under the category of an aquaintance or some such fancy levels of social circles.

-> You shrink your world to your priorities in work and loved ones.

-> You stop making new friends and struggle to keep in touch with the good old ones, as much as you used to before.

-> Your hobbies are no more that; you do not have time for those anymore.

-> You do not trust yourself too much anymore or have a lot of self doubts about your capabilities even for the smallest of things.

-> You stop appreciating yourself.  Or atleast think it unwise to admit it even if you did appreciate yourself for something.

-> You slowly stop appreciating nature or atleast you think you are too busy to do it. 

-> You still enjoy nature but you think you have other priorities and cannot "waste time" "right now" to appreciate it and keep it aside for later that never comes. 
-> But then if you stop a moment and think about it you know that you are wrong.

-> You stop appreciating your life. 

-> You feel jealous about or atleast Envy others often!

-> You feel lonely often.

-> Some you may agree to and some you may not; some you may even add to this list through your comments.

Independence - Life's Reward Structure

The problem with the people that love you/care about you is that they tend to not be able to accept the fact that you have grown up and/or that you are on your own, especially when you make decisions and choices that don't really go down well with them. 

Be it really big or really small, it is not - you did something like that because you made a conscious decision/choice - but were under a bad influence which lead you to do something like that, which you could not have conceived of by yourself, No!

The reason is simple, they cannot find fault with you, so it has to be someone or something else.  May be the friends, the various relationships with their environ, that may have put such thoughts and actions in them... But well, the hard truth is that, it is in most cases, not so!

There is this innate nature in human beings to gain independence in every form.  Entropy may be, showing up in its purest form!?  One wants to go his or her own way, learn things the hard way, even though there is this wisest person who could give you the best advise on the matter, right there, next to you in theform of a parent or a sibbling or a close friend.

But this may be out of various decisions/thought processes.  As in my case for instance, one may just want to learn it the hard way because there is a certain satiety associated with self learning even masochistic sometimes. There is a certain pride associated with "self" people and again the society or the upbringing is to be blamed for this thought structure too.  Independence, has some respect, some glamour to it, though people do not want it for their children all too soon (and it is almost always too soon).  So one may want to prove to their kin and kind that they are strong by trying to be independent and ends up growing a fondness to it, an attachment that becomes a fixation.  A reward structure.  Like a hard earned penny or something.  The learning that comes out, a "life's hard truth" that stares out at you at the end of a difficulty, may not be very sweet, but you will never forget the bitter sting and hence the learning either.  Or the reward it brought to you in any form/degree of satisfaction.

Is it wise to let people go and make all the bad decisions and learn by themselves, especially when it is your beloved child? Of course not, but you may have to let some learnings pass by, without your interference, and teach themselves to your loved ones, the hard way or otherwise!  Standing aside and watching your child grow up and try to fight life is a part of parenting too and the challenge is to keep them on their feet while they do, giving them the push without them realizing it, by a simple process - Trusting them to do it!

Trust works wonders... Trust me on this...

P.S: As always all these thoughts bring a stronger fear out, rather makes me brace myself to face a stronger challenge, in my future - Parenting!