Monday, August 31, 2009

Incomplete - 3

On my bed,
I lay awake at night, listening to the music of falling rain,
     looking out at the beautiful view stretching before me and feeling the chilling wind...

Thinking about the things that could be, if I were there near you...
    The smile that spreads on my lips, the blush that flows to my cheeks...
The tenderness in me, unknown before, comes out to show me the woman I am
    The thoughts that give me the rush, it is you that my heart seeks...


The rough and tough, that tomboy is mellowing and mushing... O' look at what I am...
                      Never have I known I could be so...
                            Not seen ever the layer below...
                                      Hidden to my own soul it was...
                                                     Aroused by the simple thought of you...
Delicate was never me...
    Gentle unheard of before...
        Feminine afar me...
            Emotions always set ashore...


The tingling that runs from head to toe...
             The inkling of a woman yet to show...


I bite my lips and stop my smile
               for I am a fool in love with love...
The songs of love and romance and dreams are by heart to me..............................................

Another incomplete piece I wrote, around the time I wrote the previous 2 entries...

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Incomplete - 2

தனக்குள் சிரித்துக்கொண்டு, உதட்டைக்  கடித்துக்கொண்டு
         உலகமரியாது உணர்ச்சிகளை மறைத்துக்கொள்கிறேன்...

கொட்டும் மழையோசை... குளிரும் இளங்காற்று
         நான் மட்டும் அவ்வறையில்... புன்னகையுடன்...

காதலனை நினைத்து மகிழும் காவியங்கள் உண்டேனிலே
         காதலை காதலிப்போர்க்கு ஒன்று..........?!


Again somthing that I wrote long back...

N yet again a transliteration... atb sav and similar ones... ;P

Thanakkul siriththukkondu, udattaik kadiththuk kondu,
        ulagamariyadu unarchigalai maraiththuk kolgiren...

Kottum mazhaiyosai... kulirum ilangaatru...
       nan mattum avvaraiyil... punnagaiyudan...

Kadalanai ninaiththu magizhum kaaviyangal undenile
       kadalai kadalipporkku ondru.....?

Incomplete - 1

தன்னில் உருகும் தனிமையில் உருகும்
     இந்தப் பெண்ணின் மனமும் ஒரு பண்ணில் உருகும்
தனக்கென துணையொன்று வரும் தருணத்தை நோக்கி
      கண்ணில் கனவின் கனம் கண்ணீர்ப்பெருக்கும்
விண்ணில் நிலவும் மண்ணில் விழும் மழையும்
     என் என்னை நனைக்கும் பல எண்ணங்கள் கொடுக்கும் 

Just giving a try on my tamil blogging... This is something I wrote long back n that too incomplete... Hoping to blog more in tamil... Wish me luck... ;P

Hey sav, u had asked me to transliterate and thought ya so many of my tamil poem fans (lol!!) who do not know to read tamil script, will actually be benefited... ;P

Well, here goes:  All thebest...;P

Thannil urugum thanimayil urugum,
     Indap pennin  manamum oru pannil urugum...
Thanakkena thunaiyondru varum tharunaththai nuokki,
     kannil kanavin ganam, kanneerp perukkum...
Vinnil nilavum mannil vizhum mazhayum
    en ennai nanaikkum, pala ennangal kodukkum...
    

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Raw Hurt: In awe of the serpent, the satan, the Self Doubt...

I am a grieving widow...
Or am I a case of unrequited love?
Had desired you with the utmost lust...
Had loved you in my deepest core...
Had fantasized 'us' in every dream...
Had lived with you, in you, thrived on you...


But you slipped right through my fingers...
Standing in front of me, kindling the fire in me,
pushing everything else out of my mind...It was just you...
Consuming me whole, my every thought... But then you melted into invisibility...
All those crazy years of love and lust, flew away as flecks of dust...
Without a physical trace, you left me..Standing there with nothing but your memories.

My desire, love and lust for you intensified a thousand fold... Killing me from the inside...
Standing there... Stamped with hurt and injury, sore and tired, with your imprints all over me...
Imprints of your having been inside me... Having possessed me... Having burned me..:
With just the idea of you, of us...


I am wasted away now... Incapable of having any other to take your place...
Empty...Burning...Jealous...Angry...On all those who have an equivalent of you-for-me
I hate you...I hate myself...I hate the world...
I hate the 'GOD/power of Nature/My incapacity to retain you',call what you want,that mocks me with your thoughts and memories...
Thoughts of 'what could have been' if we were let to be 'us'...


I still remember the warmth that flooded me when you were inside me...The throb that
seared at the challenge of having you...
The wonder that used to spread when I used to think I am soon going to be with you...
for real...Not just in my thoughts or dreams...
And right when you showed up in full virility...
Right at that moment, I knew, you and I could actually, finally, be us...
Right at that moment, I knew that I am going to savour every bit of time spent with you...
Every little bit OF YOU...
Right at that moment...You vanished...Just like that...


All my struggles to even nurse your thoughts,
All my struggles to get to that first and final glimpse of you, asserting my dreams of A YOU and ME true,
Breaking without a sound into shards of ten thousand, tidal waves of bubbles that
did not hurt me physically but left me in awe of the magnificient cruelty...
Left me dumbfound...Tied and Rigid... Inaction took over...


Now I am a zombie...Incapable...Invalid...
May be I was the one responsible for the whole evil...That teeny tiny nag of a doubt acted the satan, the serpent, the wonder of a creature of sin, of dark awe...
In this case not sinning by letting us unite...But just the contrary...
Putting between us, a distance infinite..... Unreachable.....

For Ever... For Ever...




Dedicated to my lost love, my lost dream, now buried for ever...

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Alternative Sexual Orientation...

"Do not argue for the sake of it... You do not know anything... Why do you support them so much, anyway?" asked my dad, losing his patience over my constant unrelenting argument that homosexuality is nothing but a very natural and common thing and in fact is even genetically oriented... I looked at him, looking at me with a slight scrutinizing look, hiding his worries and anxiety over what my answer was going to be, if at all I understood the question correctly - "in the actual sense of it"... I replied, quite 'straight' to his face: "Why dad?, are you worried I am a Lesbian?" and the little pause that I gave there was filled with my dad's interjection "ya may be, so....?", for which I answered quite truthfully, "Don worry dad, I am not", but swallowed the other half of the sentence, "not yet, for I do not even know what it truly means to be an heterosexual in the first place, if u know what I mean"... I could see a slight sigh of relief though I should say he really hid it well... I do not blame him, he was acting like any normal Indian, "father of a college going daughter". He would probably have "killed me for honor" if I had happened to be a lesbian, or may be he would have done the usual "kill-myself-n-may-be-even-kill-u Indian families sentiment" stunt. Anyway it wouldn't have been pleasant for sure. But one has to appreciate my dad, no "Indian dad" would be discussing such a 'taboo' thing with his daughter so openly. Yes I am lucky in that way, he is quite understanding and matured. But I was persistent and still am (I had started and stored the first part of this blog in a note pad about an year and a half ago), because I wanted my-Dad-like-people to understand that "it is NOT against the nature", striking out the very first line of their argument, the forerunner in all their banners and slogans...

Yes, thanks to the scientific community, things have come to light which have
been in darkness for a long while now, but mind you, have always "been"...
There's a saying in Tamil that goes "A cat closes its eyes and thinks the world's gone dark" (I know it is a poor translation, bear with it my Tamil friends)... It is so so true in this case; just because people have been blind or rather have chosen to be blind to it, as in many cases, does not mean that alternative sexual orientation doesn't exist.

First of all, it is a common phenomenon (is that the right word here?) in most animals.

Second, there have been genetic research results that say there are, certain genetic tendencies towards alternative sexual orientation of a person.

Third, it has been there for a long long time, may be not visible, or known much to the common folk, (at least in the Indian scenario) but it has been there...

One concern that parents express is that it may just become a trend, because of "westernization" or "modernization". A true concern. But if you are open enough to agree that this is nothing but a personal choice then, no need to worry anymore.

One more genuine concern, may be the only factual one, is that the possibility of acquiring a "Sexually Transmitted Disease" is quite high in the gay community. But once people are recognized, then the rate of "discreet" and hence "unsafe" sex should go down and hence the incidence of such diseases.

Another genuine concern is how do we distinguish a "relationship" from "attempts of violence". We have to learn from other countries where it has been legalized and try to improve if need be and implement such laws and methodologies.

PS:
The day I completed another 25% of this blog, Delhi High Court declared homosexuality of adults with mutual consent legal, and suggested constitutional amendment to Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code.

Do chk out (click on it if you've not noticed it's a link) the following article, it says a lot of things I wanted to discuss and more...
TOI July 03, 2009 Article: NO ROOM FOR PRUDES
Who Says Homosexuality Is Against Indian Culture? Certainly Not Our Ancient
Texts
When gayness was out in open, not a matter of guilt,

Devdutt Pattanaik


People were looking at me with an amused and a mocking curiosity when I felt genuinely happy for the LGBT community upon hearing the news.

Wanted to add a lot of arguments and discussion son the subject but enough articles and such have been published since July 03 that I do not want to reiterate them. But whoever is reading this blog is welcome to post a commment and start an argument/discussion as you may choose to call it. I think it'll only broaden our individual perspectives.

Declaration: I being a heterosexual single, am completely aware of the difficulty, writing this blog will add, to the change in my status of "single-dom", an already difficult task ahead... ;P

Dreamy Little Girl.....

Why is adulthood being pushed on me...?
I still want to be free...

Oh, how I wish the onus of life away...
To be the dreamy little girl again...

The splendours of colurs and marvellous tales...

The running and jumping and silly little games...

Fascinated by everything, inspired by anyone...

Fresh with ideas and ready with laughter...

No problems of weight gain or loss for that matter...

Not conscious of my looks or the crumple of my gown...

Mud and water made friends with my hands...

Food and latter of all buddies shared...

Mischief always lurking around the corner...

Spontaneous with evil and easy with trouble...

New languages, new place, new friends no problem...

Questions fired without mercy, answers always triggering the next...


Why is adulthood being pushed on me...?
I still want to be free...

Oh, how I wish the onus of life away...
To be the dreamy little girl again...